Monday, September 29, 2008

Taking a Break

I have to take a break from the blog. There is some stuff going on that I can't talk about and it's just easier if I don't come here and resist the urge to share too much information that shouldn't be shared. Maybe things will look brighter in the morning. I hope so. I'm so tired of looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and then when I see a glimmer everything goes pitch black again.

It has nothing to do with the adoption. Just some personal stuff that I need to work through. I don't know how long I'll be gone. It's not as if there has been a whole lot to write about lately anyway. I'll still be "lurking" around your blogs. I just can't post here right now. Maybe in a couple of days I'll feel differently. I'm going to have to play it by ear.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Yesterday was a great day. It started off with lunch with my Dad. After that I took a little drive East towards the mountains so I could meet up with Kayce to finally give her the scrapbook I made for her, Oh, I don't know, like five months ago. I have seen Kayce at least two(or three?) times since I made it, and forgot to give it to her every. single. time. Airhead!

So when I found out she was gonna be in town, I made sure that I was able to at least drop it off for her. Her weekend was jam packed with activities(including a wedding), so I knew she wasn't going to have time for blogger socializing.

That's when I hatched a plan to meet her wherever she was planning to be and swinging by to drop it off to her.

So I drove about 50 minutes from my Dad's house to Kayce's best friend Sarah's to meet up with her. Sarah lives in a pretty little town right at the base of the San Bernadino mountains. Being there made me realize how long it has been since we went to the mountains. A trip is definitely in order. Soon.

Sarah was nice enough let me hang at her house for a bit and chat with Kayce and her husband Mike(who is so nice!). I also had the pleasure of meeting Sarah's three children, who were adorable.

We chatted for a little over an hour and then I hit the road again, as Joe was about to wake up(he worked on Friday night) and he needed dinner.

Today has been a lazy day. I am still in my p.j.'s(it's 2:20 p.m.). I am supposed to be working on a scrapbook I am making for a friend's upcoming wedding but instead I am blogging and catching up on shows on the DVR. Must find motivation.

A couple of funny things that happened during my visit with Kayce yesterday:

We had been texting each other all morning, letting the other know where we were and what time I would get there, etc. About 15 minutes before I arrived at Sarah's house Kayce had texetd me and said they would be home in about 15 minutes. When I pulled up in front of the house there didn't appear to be anyone home. I texted Kayce to let her know I was there and sat in my car for a few minutes when my cell phone rang. It was Kayce, asking me where I was. I told her I was sitting in front of the house. She said "Well I am standing out front and I don't see you!" I had typed the wrong address into my navigation system and was sitting in front of the neighbor's house three doors down. Duh! She walked down to the end of the driveway and waved me down to the right house. So typical of me!

The other funny thing is that when I walked into the house Kayce introduced me to Sarah's husband(whose name escapes me, because Hello, airhead!).

So anyway, she introduces us and then she asks me how long it took me to get there.

I replied "Oh, it only took me about 50 minutes. There was no traffic and I was driving quite fast!" ( I don't know what prompted me to say that).

Kayce laughs and says "Oh, (insert Sarah's husband's name here) is a CHP officer!"

"Ummmmm.....Well I suppose I shouldn't be telling you how fast I drove then, huh?"

We all got a good laugh out of it. Sometimes I don't know what comes over me that I say the things that I do. Seriously.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Fabulous Friday!

Here it is, only 10:20 a.m. and this Friday is turning out to be fabulous. First off, my doctor called me this morning with my lab test results.

Hold on. I have to type that again.

My doctor called me.

Not his nurse.

Not the lab.

But the doctor himself. I have a lot of doctors. Several that I see on a regular basis.

None of them personally call me. For any reason. I once got a postcard in the mail from my primary care physician telling me that I had thyroid disease, with a prescription for thyroid meds attached. Seriously. No phone call, no appointment to come in and discuss the results. A postcard. I no longer see that physician.

When I have a question for the doctor or lab results to go over, I talk to the nurse, who relays the information to the doctor, who gives the nurse instructions, who then calls me back to let me know what the doctor recommended. I never get to talk to the doctor, unless I make an appointment(and pay my co-pay).

So I was quite pleased and surprised when I answered the phone at work and it was him. Me like this doctor!

In addition to the surprise of him calling me personally, he had good news! It just gets better and better today.

He is quite pleased with my lab results and although he will sit down with me and go over them in detail next week, he did want me to know that the protein leak is not as bad as the previous test results I had given him had shown(they were almost a year old). He is also quite pleased with my kidney function and Creatanin levels. He said it is unlikely that I will need to do another kidney biopsy. Yahoo!

The only thing concerning him at this point is that my Thyroid levels are low. Which explains the way I have been feeling lately(crummy). But he increased my thyroid meds, so it's all good.

I am way happy right now and he completely took away any apprehension I may have had about next week's appointment.

Another awesome thing that happened is that I was notified by another blogger that I had won something in one of the giveaways that she does. Blog giveaways are very popular right now and even though I enter them all the time(almost every day!), this is the first one that I have won.

It came from one of my favorite craft bloggers(who is also adopting a baby from China).
Second Sister Suaviloquy. Some of her jewelry is to die for.

I won this cool Birthday Banner made by this Esty seller: Storia Home. Check them out. They have some very cute stuff. This will come in handy next month when Joe celebrates the big 4-0. (But don't tell him I told you so)

Add to all of that fabulousness the fact that I may get to meet up with Kayce this weekend while she is in L.A.(if her weekend isn't too jam packed-which I know it is), and this is shaping up to be one fabulous weekend too!

23 months

This one almost slipped right by me. They just keep coming! Lately my thoughts have been consumed with the milk tainting crisis in China. So many of my friends are so close to referral and the thought that their babies might be affected by this makes me feel sick to my stomach. My thoughts and prayers are with them, as well as the mothers and babies who live in China. How scared they must be. So sad.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wacky Wednesday

Here's a mindless quiz, just because I don't have anything else going on.

Monday was the first day of Fall, so here's a quiz to go along with that

Your Autumn Test Results

You are a energetic, warm, optimistic person. You approach everything with a lot of enthusiasm.

When you are happiest, you are calm. You appreciate tradition and family. You enjoy feeling cozy.

You tend to be afraid of change. You are never ready for things to be different.

You find solitude to be the most comforting thing in the world. Being alone with your thoughts feels very peaceful.

Your ideal day is spent in contemplation. You enjoy a quiet day where you can take time to think and day dream.

You are nostalgic. You can't truly appreciate something until it has come and gone.

The Autumn Test

Hmmmm...Many of those things are true about me. I don't understand how they come up with these results after having you answer only a few questions.

Today was a strange day. I got up early to go to my kidney doctor and have my lab tests done. I had to go early because I was told not to urinate until I got there. Do you know how hard that is to do? It's the first thing I do when I get up in the morning and having to hold it was not easy! I think I may have broken a few speed limits trying to get there this morning.
I was happy to do it though because the doctor told me if he could get the first specimen of the morning then I wouldn't have to do a 24 hour urine test. I was all over that because collecting your urine(and carrying it around in a plastic container all day), is a pain!

When I got home from the doctor's I took a shower and then I wasn't feeling that great so I laid down. Next thing I know I am fast asleep for three hours! When I finally woke up and came out into the family room I saw on my cell phone that Joe had called me 22 times! Uh Oh, now I know something is wrong. So I call him back and he has been sitting in Denny's all day because he got a flat tire on the way to work(actually the tire blew out and was shredded). Well he forgot his wallet, so he couldn't call a tow truck and he was basically stuck, calling me every 15 minutes. For four hours.

Oops! My bad. I usually will bring the phone into the bedroom with me when I sleep during the day, but not this time. I was dead to the world and didn't hear a thing.

It's kind of ironic though because one of my pet peeves is that he never answers his cell phone and I can never get a hold of him when I call. Now he knows how I feel. But I didn't bring that up because he was very tired and frustrated(and hungry). Poor guy. So tomorrow he has to drive me to work and go get a new tire. Luckily the rim appears to be okay. I think it's time we signed up for Triple A especially now that both of our cars are getting older.

Then we went to the grocery store because our fridge was growing cobwebs(seriously. I haven't seen it that empty in a long time) and now we're sprawled out on our respective couches watching t.v. And I'm waiting for " With the St.ars" to come on. Love that show.

How come days off seem to fly by when days you have to work simply crawl? :)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I'm trying to give equal time to the blog as I am Facebook, but I am finding it hard. Facebook is easier. Here are some pics I took when I was visiting Lisa and I took the kids to the circus. I have to get up at dark o'clock on my day off tomorrow to have my lab tests done. So looking forward to that. Anyway, on to the pictures.

This will probably be the last time I ever go to the circus because I felt sad for the animals(especially the elephants) and the animal protestors outside made me feel bad for supporting it. Seriously. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I still can't. They said they had proof that this particular circus was mean to the animals. I know there are two sides to every story, but it made me feel sad. We did have a good time though, and the non-animal acts were very entertaining.

Is your Mama a Llama? I thought he(she?) was so cute!

Camel Ride

Do not try this at home! Although Cameron totally wanted to. I kinda did too.

Death Defying!

Grace and I decided we could totally do this. Okay, maybe she could.

Poodles holding paws. Awwwwww..............
Elephant rides. I wouldn't let the kids ride one because I didn't want to exploit these poor creatures. But camels? Yeah, totally okay to exploit them! Yes, I know, I defy logic sometimes.

Face painting. Cameron politely declined. When did he get too old for face painting? (sniff)

I love donkeys almost as much as I love Llamas. I kept saying (loudly) to him(her?)Eee Awww, Eee Awww....

Cameron and Grace were not amused. Even after I told them I was talking to him.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Friday Randomness

Today is my niece's birthday. She's five! She is getting too big.

Happy Birthday Gracie! We love you!

It is also my co-worker's and good friend DeAnn's birthday today. Happy Birthday DeAnn! I hope it was special!

Did you know that today is also International Talk Like A Pirate day? Well it is! So Ahoy Mateys! :)

Thank you for all of the good wishes regarding my new doctor. I am very excited to get started and see what he has planned. Right now I have to have all of the tests done that he needs and then we will see where we go from there. But excited!

After having a wonderful day at work, I am now in a foul mood.

My husband just called me from the computer repair shop to tell me that it will cost $500.00 to repair my laptop. Argh!(just because it is talk like a pirate day:)

I'm just not sure I want to put that kind of money into a 7 year old computer. We can share a computer. I don't want to, but we can. We were very lucky to have two computers in the first place. But I'm still bummed.

The Apple store says they can get all of my stuff off of it(thank goodness), but it looks like it is going to laptop heaven after that. Sob!

Not much planned for this weekend, which is fine with me. Last weekend was jammed packed enough for two.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Doctor's Appointment

So I went to the new nephrologist today(kidney doctor). Overall I would say it went well.

When the doctor walked into the room and introduced himself the first thing he said was
1971 huh? That's the year I was born. We're the same age!"

I was shocked. My other nephrologist is much, much(much) older than he is.

I instantly felt a connection with him. I felt like there was somewhat of a generation gap between myself and my other nephrologist at times. I often felt as though he didn't "get" me.

This doctor "got" me.

So he starts of with the usual health related questions, going over the health history form I had filled out in the waiting room. I can't tell you how many doctors I have seen that don't do this! They give a cursory glance at the form, and then barge right into the exam.

Not this doctor. He took the time to go over the answers I had provided, asking me additional information along the way.

He didn't have all of my records from the other doctor, just my latest test results, so he asked me what the other nephrologist had told me regarding my condition.

I told him the type of kidney disease I had been diagnosed with, and small amount of information that I had been provided with.

It is an Auto-immune disease

It is degenerative. Over time my kidney function will decrease until they shut down completely, requiring Dialysis, and eventually a kidney transplant.

There is no treatment.

There is no cure.

He agreed with most of what I said.


And this is a HUGE but.

He feels that possibly I have more than one type of disease going on. One that us treatable.
He said often IGA masks the symptoms of other types of kidney disease and people will go untreated for the other disease because they think it is IGA and there is nothing that can be done.

The reason he feels this is because my body had such a positive reaction to the Prednisone.

He said that IGA is highly unlikely to respond to steroids. In fact, he said the chances were only about 1% and that he had never seen someone with IGA respond to that type of treatment at all.

My other doctor seemed quite shocked that the Prednisone had worked, but he never once questioned why. He never looked for an underlying reason. He just accepted it for what it was, and never thought twice about it.

This doctor is not happy with the results of my urine tests. The same results that my doctor said were "fine".

I currently have 2 grams of protein in my urine. He said that was not acceptable. He gave me some odds.

If I have 2 grams of protein in my urine, the chances that I will need a transplant in 7-10 years is roughly 60-70%.

If we can get the level of protein down to 1 gram, the percentage drops to 40-50% in 10-15 years.

If the protein level goes down to .5 grams(or less), the chances drop to 20-30% in 15-20 years.
Of course these are all estimates.

But I personally prefer those last set of numbers. He can't understand why my doctor would be okay with me having 2 grams of protein in my urine.

He looked at me and said "Do you want me to be honest with you?"

I chuckled nervously and said "I don't know. Ummm..I mean, Yes."

"I want to be proactive and try an extremely aggressive approach for your disease."

I almost burst into tears right there. Seriously. I wanted to hug the man.

Up until this point I have been told "We have done all we can do. There is nothing more to be done. Now we just have to wait and see what your body decides to do."

I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm not a "wait and see" kind of person. Especially when you are talking about organ failure. MY organ failure.

I told him Yes, of course, I will do whatever you want me to, whatever it takes.

He sent me right over to the imaging center for a renal ultrasound. That same day.

I go in next week for a complete lab workup(which they do right there in the office-love that), then in 2 weeks when the results come in we sit down and go over the game plan.

He wants me to have another kidney biopsy.

Am I thrilled about it? No. It is an uncomfortable procedure.

But I will happily do it if it will help him come up with a plan to delay organ failure as long as humanly possible.

I left his office feeling ecstatic.

After the ultrasound though, as I got into my car I became very emotional. I sat there in my car, leaning over the steering wheel and cried.

I didn't even know why I was crying. But once I started I couldn't stop.

I cried great, heaving sobs until I was spent. Then I called Joe and told him the news.

I had a strange feeling inside the entire way home. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Then as I pulled into the parking garage at my apartment, I realized what it was.

It was Hope. For the first time in a very long time regarding this crappy disease, I felt Hope.

And it feels good.

Monday, September 15, 2008

I'm just not feeling the blog lately. I don't know why. Facebook is easier.

I can write one line and communicate with my "friends"(some of whom I really don't even know).

Maybe it's pure laziness. I don't know.

I have a whole post written about a trip to the circus with the kids, but never finished writing it and am too lazy to do it now.

Had a great weekend at my seester's house. It flew by, as usual. Weekend trips always do.

The adoption picnic was fun. I got to see all of my Northern CA blogging buddies again, and even meet a few new ones. I have not one picture of it though. I had forgotten to bring my camera charger and my camera died at the circus on Saturday.

Kayce did take some pics, so head over there to check them out. All of the kids are getting so big(Rose and Marie, Gwen and Maddy, Grace and Riley) since the last time I saw them.

I was really looking forward to my day off on Wednesday, but then realized I had scheduled two doctors appointments.

Again. Last Wednesday I had three. I need less doctors!

I'm going to be seeing a new kidney doctor. I hadn't planned on sharing that yet, but then I typed it and it seems silly to take it back now. I am overdue for a check on the kidney disease.

I have a strong feeling that it is no longer in remission.I have very good reasons to back up this suspicion, but it's tedious and a little boring so I'll spare you from it.

I'm a little scared to find out. Ignorance is bliss, you know?

Anyway, I have been wanting to get a second opinion ever since I was diagnosed, so this will be a good opportunity to do that.

Am I weird that I feel as though I am "cheating" on my Nephrologist by going to someone else?

I am right?(weird) It is perfectly normal to want a second opinion, right? Just to see what another doctor thinks, and if there is anything else that can be done?

I hope so. Because I totally feel bad about it. I didn't even want to tell my nephrologist's office. I had them fax my latest test results directly to me, so I wouldn't have to tell them.

Of course if I end up switching to the new doctor then I'll have all of my records sent over.

I don't really expect to hear anything new. Joe and I did quite a bit of research when I was diagnosed.

To be perfectly honest, I have been feeling a bit "Woe is me" about it for a couple of weeks now.

Joe is the only one who gets to experience it though. The whining. The complaining. The tears. I save it all for him because I don't want to come across as a complainer.

But sometimes it sucks. Having kidney disease sucks. There are far worse illnesses I could have. I know this.

Okay, snapping out of it now.

I have to go wake up my husband so I can at least see him before he leaves for work. It'll be an early bedtime for me. I'm sleepy already!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Hey, are you feeling good about yourself? Self confidant, self assured, overall just content with your body and self image?

Well have I got a cure for you!

Simply take a (almost) five year old dress shopping with you. That should take care of any positive self image feelings you may be having.

The scenario:

We are at the Bagel shop getting breakfast. Lisa decides she needs to head down the street to Mervyn's to pick up a camisole for this evening.

On the way we pass a Dress Barn and I decide to pop on in to see if they have any dresses, as I need one for an upcoming wedding. (Don't even get me started on the name of the store. Dress Barn? Seriously? Who came up with this? As if I need any more reasons to feel like a barnyard animal. Specifically one that Moos.)

But I digress.

So we're in Dress Barn, looking at the dresses. They have a pretty good selection, and i have pulled a few off of the rack to try on.

While I am looking Gracie points to a dress with where the bustline is completely rouched, like elastic.

Then she turns to me and says to me "Aunt Michelle, how about this dress? It has room to fit your breastes!" Um, okaaaaaaaayyyyyy.

I take the two dresses I have chosen into the dressing room and Grace decides she wants to come with me. I say okay, and in we go.

That was my first mistake.

I try on one of the dresses, and it is very cute, it is in my size, and it is on clearance for 60% off. Score! But I can't zip it up in the back. It is too small. (Sadness)

I start taking the dress off and Gracie asks me if it fits. I tell her no, it doesn't fit and I take the other dress I chose off of the hanger and hold it in front of me.

Grace looks at the dress in my hand and says "There is no way you are going to be able to fit your whole body into that dress."

Ummmm.....she was right. It didn't fit either.


We left Dress Barn after that, probably never to return again.

Later we go to Target. We are in the Lingerie section. There ares some bras on the bottom shelf that look like they would fit a 7 year old. They were tiny.

Grace points to them and says "Those bras would not fit your breastes, Aunt Michelle".

I shake my head slowly and say "No. Those bras would not fit me. You're right."

We walk by the women's section, where the bras are considerably larger.

"These bras would fit your breastes Aunt Michelle!".

Yes. Yes, they would.

And that concludes my shopping adventures with Grace.

Lisa and Scott have gone for the evening.

I am taking the kids to the small, family owned circus that is set up down the street.

I'm not usually a circus kind of gal, so I'm not sure how this is going to go.

Hopefully there will not be any more conversations about my breasts.

Wish me luck.

***Lisa informed me that Grace is obsessed with "breastes"(as she calls them) overall, and it is not just delegated to mine. And I am seriously bummed that none of the dresses fit me. I am hoping that the sizes just ran small beacause I really haven't gained any weight and I am NOT prepared to go up a dres size.

Friday, September 12, 2008

I'm at the airport. Had some major stress because Lisa told me the wrong airlines and they didn't have me on any of their flights. Then I got to the right airline and had some confusion as to which city I was flying I into. San Jose or Oakland? Made it to my flight just in time but had no time to eat and I have a headache. Oh, and I had to check a bag and they charged me $15.00!!! I only checked the bag so I could bring my hair products! I could have bought new hair products for that. On the way back the hair products stay and I go carry-on only. Gotta go. Plane is boarding.
I'm off this evening for a quick trip to my sees-ter's house. I don't know when I will be able to post again, as I am not taking my laptop(still broken-ugh), and I am watching the kids Saturday night so I'll be

A) Crazy busy


B) Totally sleep deprived.

Sunday is the adoption/bloggers picnic that I am so very excited about.

Then it's home on Sunday night.

Something tells me that by Monday I'm gonna be needing a weekend to recover from my weekend :) See ya!

Thursday, September 11, 2008


I will never forget that day. Today I will say a prayer for all of the loved ones and public service workers who lost their lives that day. I can't believe it has been 7 years.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I have been neglecting my blog. Not too much going on. We have decided we aren't going to worry about any of the update stuff until after the new year. At that point we will still have plenty of time to get it done, even if it took 6 months or so. I strongly feel that we won't have our referral for 18 to 24 more months and there is no way it will take that long to update everything! We'll see if China speeds up more in the next few months. I sure hope so. I spent my entire day off in the car. I had three doctor's appointments today. Three! I drove all over town. I need to figure out a way to find doctors that are all in the same city. I'm doing laundry and trying to get my bag packed for a quick weekend trip to my sister's this weekend. There is a big adoption picnic up North that Mary Mia put together and I get to go. I am so excited! And I get to see Kayce and Jake again too. Yahoo! Keep me in your thoughts though, because Saturday night I am watching the kids so Lisa and Scott can spend some alone time together. Wish me luck because I am totally flying solo this time. Not even my Dad to help me out. Yikes! Got to go put my clothes in the dryer.

P.S. I am totally bummed because I really was hoping to travel carry-on only this trip but I can't get all of my liquids to fit into the one quart sized ziplock baggie that is required. If you have ever flown carry on only, how did you do it?

Monday, September 08, 2008

I just wanted to add a few things that I left out of the last post.

We are NOT giving up or walking away from anything.

I am going to fight with every ounce of my being to rectify this situation.

The fear and anxiety I was (am) feeling came from reading the following words written to me by our agency:

"We are unsure of whether or not you can continue with this adoption. We don't know when we will have this information. You can update and fill out the paperwork, but there is a chance that you may be denied". That sentence is what made my heart skip a beat and made my weekend one long stress fest.

You are all right about one thing:

Our paperwork in China is fine. According to China, we are good to go.

The problem lies in the paperwork we have to file here in the U.S. We must meet the requirements of the USCIS(United States Citizenship and Immigration Services), under the new Hague convention, in order to bring our child back into the states.

One if the requirements of the USCIS is:

That you must currently meet the requirements of the country from which you are adopting.

Therein lies the problem. We do not currently meet the requirements of the country from which we are adopting.

And even though China has told us we are grandfathered in, the U.S. can decide how literally they want to take that one sentence.

I have been all over the internet trying to find some facts, but all I have found is rumors and conflicting information. Some agencies are reporting that people have been turned down.
Others are saying everything should be fine.

I would feel much better if our agency was telling us that everything was going to be fine. But they're not.

Our placement agency told us not to worry. But they only handle the China side. They have nothing to do with the U.S. paperwork.

The whole thing is confusing, and scary. But we will move forward with the paperwork update and I will continue to do research and see what I can do to make sure that we are not denied.

In the meantime, we're going to live our lives. So much of my life has been wasted worrying about stuff I have no control over.

Not this time. As another wise blogger (and friend) recently said : Life is too short.

Thank you so much for all of your comments. They truly do help.


I have been up all night for the last two nights. Plagued by worry and anxiety. This adoption ride has been such a roller coaster. The ups and downs that at times have me feeling like I am going crazy.


Every time I think we have something worked out and we have nothing to worry about, something else pops up and the fear and anxiety start anew.


I have been e-mailing my home study agency over the last four days, trying to figure out what we need to get this paperwork renewal nightmare on the road.


Last night I received an e-mail from them that made my blood run cold. I had asked them a specific question relating to the new paperwork we have to fill out and the new requirements that this paperwork includes.


Up until this point we were told that we would be "grandfathered" in under the old requirements that China had set forth for adoptive parents prior to May, 2007.


The e-mail I received yesterday basically stated that because we let our paperwork expire(the I600A) and now have to fill out the new form(I800A), there is no guarantee that we will still be grandfathered in under the old rules.


This poses a problem for us because we do not meet the new requirements that China set forth in May of 2007.


In the e-mail our agency stated that it was "unclear" as to whether or not be could continue with this adoption. They don't know when they will know for sure, as this issue is still being discussed at the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services offices.


I have been scouring the internet all weekend, trying to find out more information but have not been able to find out anything conclusive.


Our China-only placing agency seems to think that there will be no problem.


But they are not the ones we are submitting our updated paperwork to. It is our home study agency. And they are the ones saying things are unclear.


Right now we are being advised to go ahead with the update, turn in our updated paperwork and file the new I800A and wait and see what happens. We will not receive any of the money that we spent back if it turns out we cannot go forward.


I feel strangely calm about the whole situation. Don't get me wrong. Yesterday I had a complete and total meltdown over it.


But today I feel strangely calm.


Last night I did a lot of praying. I think I need to stick with my original plan of giving it over to God. Worrying is not going to change the outcome. And it isn't good for my health.


We will do everything we have to do to see this adoption through to the end. We have been through too much and come too far to walk away. I'm not even certain how you go about doing that anyway. How do you give up hope that the dream you have been chasing for the last 7 years may not come true?


How do you let go of a child that you have named, loved, and prepared for over the course of three years?

I just don't know.

And to be honest, I'm not ready to even think about it yet.


We will stay the course. We will update our paperwork and wait and see what happens. And I will pray. Every single day that everything turns out alright and that one day we will hold Sophie in our arms.


Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. ~John 14:27~


"Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks." Philippians 4:6

Thursday, September 04, 2008

One Year

Today marks one year that I have been at my job. It went by so fast I can hardly believe it.

One year ago I left the profession I had worked in for 17 years, trying to start new in a profession I knew very little about.

After countless interviews(upwards of 13! Seriously. I lost count after that), worry and anxiety and tears, I walked into the office I am in now for what would be my last job interview.

Ironically, I almost didn't make it to that interview. I was running late, got lost, and had to stop for gas. My cell phone had died and I had to use the payphone at the gas station to call and tell them I was going to be running late.

I came so close to calling and telling them I wasn't going to make it. But when I called DeAnn answered the phone and I chickened out and told her I was coming, but was running a little late.

Her response? "Oh, thank God. I was worried you weren't going to show up"! Apparently she had been interviewing all summer and many applicants simply failed to come.

This was so foreign to me, having been on so many interviews myself. Not once did I not show up for one. This was the first time it had ever crossed my mind not to show up, but I was so discouraged and positive that I wouldn't get the job that I had basically talked myself out of the chance of even being offered it.

But I did show up for the interview, and was offered the job on the spot,  and the rest, as they say,  is history!

It has not always been easy. There were times when I thought I wouldn't make it. It was such a huge change from everything I had known, from my last job.

But over the last year I have learned a lot and truly do love my job. Thanks DeAnn for making my job such a fun place to be!

Hopefully this is the start of many more years to come.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I am still suffering from writer's block so here are some bullets for you. Everyone loves those, don't they?

--I love when we have a Monday off because then I only have to work one day and then I get another day off(I don't work on Wednesdays). Yippee!

--I did nothing this weekend. Absolutely nothing. Well, except have lunch with my Dad, and also my friend DeAnn, which I guess isn't exactly nothing, but I did nothing with my husband. Why, you might ask? Because he has been asleep for the last four days!!!!! ARRRGGHHH! Which brings us to the next bullet.

--I am hating my husband's part time job. Hating. It. Well, actually it's not the job that I hate, but rather the hours. Yes, I am going to whine about the graveyard shift again. I know, you've heard it before, but it's really getting to me right now, so go ahead and skip to the next bullet if you're tired of hearing about it. I thought we would get used to it. I thought we would adjust. But we haven't. He still sleeps 10-12 hours during the day the nights he works(it is an extremely physically demanding job), he is not helping me with the chores around the house, we never get to spend any time together and I hate sleeping alone. He has talked about quitting and finding another job where he can get his health insurance from, but that $5000.00 adoption benefit is too good to pass up. I heard that Star.buck's also provides it for their employees, but the hours there are messed up too. Not overnight, but 3:00 a.m. shifts. He's already been at this job for five months and I think he needs to stick with it. Of course, if his teaching load paid enough money and provided health benefits for us, he wouldn't have to work a part time job. This is a constant cause of bickering between us. When he is awake enough for us to bicker, that is. I know, I need to be thankful that he is making more money now and we're getting back on our feet. I need to suck it up. Sigh.

--I have become totally addicted to Facebook. I know, a couple months ago I said I didn't get why everyone was so into it, but for some reason now I get it and I am on it all the time. Oh, by the way if you see me online during the hours of 8:00-12:00 and 1:30-5:00, I am at work and am not supposed to be on the internet(there's a little box at the bottom that tells you which of your friends are online-kinda cool!) So don't be offended if I don't answer you if you try to "chat" with me. I'm not supposed to be on there! But we've been really slow at work lately, okay? :)

--Speaking of Facebook, I had adopted several virtual pets on there that I have to take care of. I have a horse and a puppy. You have to earn points and buy stuff to keep them alive and healthy. Well, the horse is no problem because they give you points just for logging on. But for the puppy, they make you buy the points(not going to happen), or participate in some of their free "offers" to earn points. Well I haven't been earning any points and my puppy is doing very badly! I'm afraid he's going to die and that makes me very sad! Joe said I need to delete that application because it is causing me stress. Oh, and he also thinks I need to get a life. He might be right.

--In order to earn points for my puppy, I signed up with one of their sponsers to do surveys for different companies. For each survey that you qualify for and complete, you earn points for your puppy. Well I don't qualify for any of the surveys! I have tried to fill out no less than 15 surveys and I get past three or four questions and then it says I do not qualify! What's up with that? Apparently I am un-survey-able! I don't know what demographic they are looking for, but I am not it. Hmph! I can't even give my opinion away!

--I finally got around to adding some of the music my sister sent me onto the blog. Happy now, Lisa?

--I need to go make dinner but Joe is sleeping and I hate cooking for one so I may just heat up some leftovers.

--That was extremely boring. Sorry!

P.S. Almost forgot to add-many of my blogging friends are getting closer to their referrals and I am getting so excited for them! If things continue to speed up, I may just find the motivation to start on that paperwork re-new!