Big Sur

I have roughly 10,000 pictures of Big Sur to share with you.  I can never edit them down to a reasonable number so you're just going to get all of them.  Get your scrolling finger ready!  :)

The trip went way to fast. Funny how that happens when you are having fun.  I didn't get to see very many of my No. Cal friends this time, and that was o.k.  I ended up flying instead of driving, which meant I didn't have a car. I probably could have made it happen but I didn't have the energy and honestly, I'm just not ready to talk in detail about what's happening right now.  It's so complicated and I just don't know what to say.  It's not often that I am at a loss for words so you know things are bad if I don't want to talk about it...haha.

Stacey did bring the kids up on Sunday for a little while and it was fun to catch up with her while the kids played.

It was foggy on the drive up and down so I didn't get too many pictures of the coastline like I usually do.  It was still beautiful, even in the fog.

Bixby Creek Bridge

The water is such a beautiful shade of blue

The weather was beautiful so first we hit the pool

Ahhhhhh..........relaxation

Ryleigh and Grace strike a pose.

Rock jumping!

View from our balcony

Cartwheels on the grass

Beautiful trees

Cheers!

Hiking down to Pfeiffer-Burns waterfall

Breathtaking.  I was disappointed that it was so foggy but it was still beautiful, as always

This Art Gallery and Cafe were closed for several years and I was so happy to see that it had opened up again.

The drive up was quite foggy, and then again when we drove down the coast to the waterfall, but up at the top it was sunny and 75 degrees the whole time.  We couldn't have asked for better weather.

Bluebirds came right up to our table hoping for a tidbit of our sandwiches.

Does anyone know why some bluebirds have that mohawk and some don't?  I didn't get any pictures of those that did, but you know what I mean right?  We figured it was because the ones without were females and the ones with were males but we weren't sure. Must google.

Squirrels. Blech.  I dislike squirrels.  It's a long story.

We drove to an area where we could park ourselves on the river for the day.

Peaceful

How come Grace's feet look almost as big as mine??

I could sit and stare at this all day

Beautiful redwoods

No trip to Big Sur would be complete without a jump off of a rock into the river.

Geronimo!

The water didn't seem as cold this year.  Maybe because the air temperature was so warm.

I love the trees. I saw a bumper sticker that said Big Trees Rule.  They certainly do.  I should have bought it.

One of my favorite spots in the world.

Serene

We stopped in Carmel to drop off a chair that Stacey had lent us(thanks Stacey!).  Carmel was having it yearly Concourse 'de Elegance(I have no idea what that means, except it includes an antique car show).  

Candy shop.  Of course we went in!

This is what I came out with:  Carmel fudge with sea salt.  To.  Die.  For.

Lots and lots of antique cars

Lots.

It was packed!

The insides were completely restored

I'm not even into cars and I thought some of these were really cool.

I loved this color, even though I overhead a man saying "There is no way that color is original to the car.  (Insert name of car here)-never made that color (Insert name of car here)

I almost bought this shirt for Joe.  Haha! (It's a dog mooning people on a surfboard and it says Moon Doggie Saloon.  So funny.

It was a fabulous trip and I had so much fun.

Gracie Day

8 years ago today my sweet niece Gracie became a part of our family. One the one hand it seems like it was yesterday, but on the other I can't believe it has been 8 years(or that she will be turning 9 soon-sob!)

I was so fortunate to be able to travel to China with Lisa and Scott.  It was an amazing journey that I will never forget.

Here is a video I made for Lisa and Scott shortly after Gracie came home:



It was on that trip that I decided I wanted to adopt from China. I called Joe(in the middle of the night for him-I woke him up) and said "I don't want to try getting pregnant anymore.  I want to adopt from China".  Without hesitation, without missing a beat, without any questions he said "I don't care where our children come from.  As long as we have them together.  Let's do it".

We started paperchasing a few months later.

Today was a  bittersweet day.  A lot of tears were shed today, not just over the adoption, but over many things.  I sat in a Denny's restaurant this evening and cried my eyes out and I didn't care who saw me.  That's not like me at all.  I prefer not to show that much emotion in front of people, especially strangers at Denny's.  I couldn't help it though and I couldn't stop.  Good times.

There has been another change of plans for the weekend and it looks like I will be flying up to my sister's instead of driving(don't ask).

No matter how I get there, on Sunday I will be sitting in the Big Sur river with a cold drink in my hand and try to forget about all of the stuff that made me cry like a baby in the middle of a Denny's restaurant.

It will be a much needed break before I return to start packing up the only home I have known for the last 14 years.

I'm gonna need some more tissue.

Change is Good

There are a lot of quotes about change floating around out there on the internets.  The most popular one, it seems, is Change is Good.   I'm not a big believer of that statement.  But supposedly it's true.

There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now and I hate every one of them.  I know that perhaps some good will come from these changes but right now I hate them and I have been crying myself to sleep every night over them.


I can't remember if I ever actually "officially" said so here, but we pulled our paperwork for China. It simply wasn't meant to be. I have been grieving quite a bit.  It comes in waves and I don't think I have even scratched the surface of it but the little I have been feeling sucks.  It really sucks.

This is true.  If there are going to be changes, I want them to go quickly so I can get them over with.  They never do though and the bad parts seemingly last forever. I wish the bad parts of some of the changes coming up for me would hurry up and pass.

There has been a change in plans in regards to our vacation coming up. Only I will be going, and I won't be camping.  I will still be going to Big Sur, but will be only staying two nights, and it will be in a hotel.  I am bummed about that. I love camping, especially in Big Sur. But I don't feel safe camping alone and Lisa didn't really want to camp with the kids this time, so we won't.  Instead I will crash with them in their hotel room.  I will still get to stay in a place that I love and that brings me peace. But  I am sad that Joe and I won't be travelling together and I am sad that we won't be camping.  We have had this vacation planned for six months and the change in plans has made me sad.  I know that it will be ok in the end, and  I will also have the opportunity to see some of my awesome No. Cal friends, so I  am super excited about that.

There is also this saying about changes, and I am finding it to be true:

My life feels very chaotic right now.

On the first of September I will be moving away from the home I have lived in for 14 years.  That part is scary.

What's even scarier is that I will be doing it alone.  By myself.

 Joe and I have decided to live apart for a while.

We are both dealing with a lot of grief and loss.  Coupled with the stress of his unemployment,  it has put tremendous strain on our marriage.

I'm not going to say anything else more about it than that, out of respect for his privacy.

It's not forever.  We are not divorcing.

But I will be living alone(without him) and that is scary.  Actually(pardon my french), I am scared shitless.




I'm trying to do this.  I don't think I am succeeding but I am trying.


But I will be o.k.  I want to believe that we will be o.k.  Only time will tell but I am hopeful.

But mostly I am scared.

Here is my favorite quote that I found about change:

O.K., so I went first.  You're welcome.  :)

Thank God for my job and the people I work with. It has been the one constant in my life and my co-workers have been amazingly supportive.  I am also so thankful for my friends.  I have a wonderful support system.  I am blessed.

I will be o.k.