I have been doing better. I think everything that has happened over the last two months only just caught up with me and I felt a huge wave of grief all at once. I am feeling less homesick. I think it helps that I don't have to go to the city that I used to live anymore. That was causing me to be quite sad.
I still miss Gizmo a lot. I know I sound like a broken record about that. You will only get it if you have pets and you have lost them. I feel like a part of our family is missing. I miss her very much.
I sometimes wonder if I have the right to whine about missing the life I used to have when I am the one that instigated these changes. I'm the one who decided to move out. I'm the one who decided to separate from my husband.
I second guess my decision(s) frequently.
None of those things were decisions I came about easily and none of them were made because I don't love my husband.
I do love him. Very much. Something had to change though. I couldn't keep living the way we were. I was so unhappy. I can't imagine he was very happy either, living with someone who was so very unhappy.
I know so many people who stay in their current situations with their spouses/significant others when they are truly unhappy. I know people who put up with abuse, or even infidelity(neither of which applied in my case) simply because they are afraid to change anything.
It's understandable. I was unhappy for well over a year. I was terrified to make this change.
But I had to. For the first time in my life I am doing what's right for ME, regardless of how it has hurt other people or how other people feel about it. As much as I am mourning the life I used to have, I know that overall I am(or will be)happier. I am less angry. I am less bitter. I feel less resentment towards my husband living away from him than I was living with him. I feel some peace inside.
In that way this change has been good, and exactly what I was hoping for when I made the decision to leave.
It is my hope for us to get back together and continue on, sometime in the future.
I take that back. I don't want to continue on the way we were. I was too unhappy to want to do that.
And it would be impossible for us to pick back up and go on like nothing has happened.
I suppose what I want is for us to start over. Can you do that after twenty five years with someone? Start over?
I hope so. I guess only time will tell.
P.S. I don't get people who cheat on their significant others but stay with their husband/spouse. I know a few people who do this. If you are unhappy enough to look elsewhere than your marriage for sex/partnership, then have the decency to leave. You are a coward if you cheat on your spouse(repeatedly) and stay with them year after year. Just my opinion.