Monday, March 26, 2012

Rise Above It

I have a hard time letting things go.  I try, and sometimes I think I have, and then something happens and all of the old feelings come up and I realize I have not, in fact, let it go.  It's still there, festering, under the surface and I didn't even realize it was there until something triggers it.

I let my emotions rule me a lot of the time.  It's one of the things I dislike about myself. Joe says  that's the part of me that makes me a kind, compassionate person.  

I don't care.  I wish I didn't feel things so much.  I wish I didn't take things so personally.

I especially find it hard to let things go if I have been hurt(emotionally) in any way.  I have a hard time trusting people, so when that trust is broken I find it hard to let go of the pain of it having been broken.

I cried on my way home about something that happened quite some time ago.  Like 5 years ago.  I thought I had gotten over it.  I was sure I had gotten over it, as it isn't something I think about anymore, or have in a long while.  

But then something happened, out of the blue, and there I am, crying in my car on my way home about it. 

I'm just looking for some closure, but I don't know how to come about it.

I saw this drawing on Pinterest and I love it.  It speaks to me somehow. 

I want to be the girl in that drawing.  I want to rise above the things that cause me hurt.  I want to be able to let them go, and not feel the hurt over and over again by a simple act on someone else's part.

I just wish I could figure out how.  


Joe says I shouldn't let these things bother me.  If someone doesn't want to be in my life it's their loss because I am an awesome person and anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend.  He always knows exactly the right thing to say to make me feel better.  Now if he could only get me to believe it  :)

Do any of you have this problem too?  How do you let things go?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

What's Going On

I have had that song stuck in my head all night.  Why do I have a 70's soundtrack going on in my head?  I don't know.  Must be that easy listening station I had on in the car.

So since that song is playing in my head(non-stop now, thanks to this post) I guess I will tell you what's been going on with me.

I accomplished something I have failed at before, and have been afraid to try again.  I have a whole other post on it, but I am very proud of myself. Took this picture while accomplishing it. Spring has sprung around these parts.  Then again, we pretty much just skipped right over winter this year.

The thing that I was incessantly worried about turned out o.k.   I was(am) so relieved. For about 4 days I was the most scared I think I have been in a very long time.  There was a suspicious growth, then a biopsy, then the word benign was used, and a (minor)surgery scheduled for next week.  I couldn't even tell you what time though, because I honestly don't remember anything the doctor said after the words benign came out of his mouth.  SO relieved.  I slept 10 hours on Friday night I was so exhausted from last week and the sleepless nights.   Someone isn't happy about having to have it removed, but he'll get over it!

Last Friday I had a procedure done that necessitated me leaving the office looking like this:

Sexy, No?

I had to stay inside in a dark room for two days afterwards.  Thankfully it rained all weekend. And no, it wasn't a cosmetic procedure(it really wasn't).  I had a lot of precancerous cells on my face, and I had them burned off.  Burned.  Off.  Yes, it was as uncomfortable as it sounds.  The recovery was painful.  They said it was going to feel like the worst sunburn you have ever had. Yeah.  It felt pretty much like that.  Except it was ten times worse.  Ouch!  I feel better now,  except my face is peeling off in sheets.  Which is also super attractive.  :)

Wear sunscreen people!  Seriously.  Every day.  And put it on your kids.  Save them the pain of having to have this done when they turn 40.

Weight loss is going really well lately.  The physical activity is really ramping it up and I am at 15 pounds lost so far. Finally people are starting to see it, usually when they are standing behind me, which begs the question "why are so many people looking at my butt?"  LOL.

So yeah.  15 pounds down.  

I struggle every day with being happy with that and not focus on how much more I have to lose.  I hate that I struggle with that! 

So that's what's going on with me.  What's going on with you all?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


I'm so tired that I can't from coherent thoughts so this is me rambling and probably not making much sense.

This week has been very long.  I hate daylight savings time.  Why can't we just keep the time the same?  It takes me a whole week to adjust.  It's worse when we spring forward for me because I can't get to sleep at night and it feels so much earlier when I get up. Yes, I like that it is light out when I get off of work but I  am so exhausted this week that I haven't been able to enjoy it.

The weight loss is going well. It's slow but steady.  Some days are better than others.  Except for the week I was on the cruise, I have lost every week.  Last week I lost all of the cruise weight, plus one pound.  That is what keeps me going.  If I were not losing I would probably give up.  I have a ten week goal in mind though, and I am committed to seeing it through.  Physically I am feeling so much better though and we have been exercising more in the last two months than the rest of the year combined.

I am worrying incessantly about something and it is exhausting.  It's something kind of scary and I can't allow myself to think about it for very long or I find myself on the verge of tears.  Waiting and not knowing are pretty much the worst two feelings in the world for me.  I think it is about the loss of control.  I know worrying does nothing to help but I can't stop doing it.  Yes, I am being vague.

I need to post this somewhere where I see it every day:

Today I will just try to breathe in and out.

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Cruise Wrap Up

These are the last of the cruise pictures. It took me just as long to post about it as it did to actually go on it!

Aside from Lisa and the kids, the Teague family also went on the cruise.  I love vacationing with them. They're so fun!

Grace and Ryleigh had fun at the kid's club together

I want one of these little fancy trays to put my butter in at home. Oh that's right, I don't eat butter.  O.K., to put my margarine in .  It's so fancy!

Every couple of nights our waiters would put on a floor show, singing and dancing.  They even got up on the tables and danced.  So funny.

I have an obsession with towel animals.  Seriously, they make my night.  

So of course when I heard they were going to have a towel animal making class, Grace and I HAD to go!

As it turns out, I kind of suck at making towel animals.  Grace was better than I was.  It's kind of like origami and I suck at that too.   :/

Grace, Cameron and I participated in the family scavenger hunt.    Guess what?  We won first place!  Not only did we win first place, but we blew everyone else out of the water(boo-ya!)  Did I mention I can be a little bit competitive at times?

Relaxing on the last day of the cruise(boooooo!)

Ryleigh participated in the talent show.  She and another little girl rocked it out.  I have some video but I can't seem to get it off of my camera on to the computer.

Freddy is the ship's mascot.  He is 13 years old(found that little piece of info out on the scavenger hunt..LOL)

Everyone is always talking about the food on a cruise.  The food IS amazing.  A litte too amazing it turns out, as I gained back 2.5 of the pounds I had lost(oops!).  We spent most of the cruise alternating between the dining room and the buffet(dining room was better)

On the last night though, we got reservations to go to the steakhouse on the ship.  You have to pay a little bit to go there but the food is amazing. Like 5 star restaurant good.

We left the kids at the kid's club and Stacey, Mark, Lisa and myself headed up to the steakhouse, situated at the very top of the ship.

It's weird because I can't remember what this is at all.  I think someone else must have ordered it.  I took pictures of everyone's food that night  :)

Lisa had the Tuna Tartare for her appetizer.  I'm not usually one to enjoy raw fish, but this was yum-ee.

I started with the crab bisque.  Oh.  My.  Word.  was this soup good!

I also had the shrimp cocktail

And a fancy wedge salad(it's no wonder I gained two pounds, right?)

Stacey had the beefsteak tomatoes w/mozarella

And the lobster

Lisa had the surf and turf.

I had the prime rib rubbed with 5 spices.  It was A.  Maz.  Ing.  I think it was the best steak I have ever had.

For dessert Lisa had some kind of apple pastry with vanilla ice cream

And I had the chocolate sampler.  So good.  

After that we were in a food coma so we headed back to our rooms to pack up to go home(sob!)

 When we got back to our room this was waiting for us.  Awwwwwww!

What a fun trip.  Can't wait to do it again one day.

Thursday, March 01, 2012

More Puerta Vallarta

After we went ziplining we had a few more hours to walk around Puerta Vallarta.  It's a very beautiful city.

We wandered down by the beach and decided to have a drink at this little beachside restaurant.  Our table was steps from the ocean.

It was windy and  a little cold.

Grace had her hair braided

Cameron took a picture with this guy who posed as a statue.  I don't know how he stood there all day not moving.  Or blinking his eyes!

We're such tourists!

 There is this beautiful church right in the downtown area.  So pretty!

It was a fun way to cap off an awesome day.