Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Blah

-I spent all morning today dealing with the car troubles that have been plaguing my husband's car since Friday and we still don't know what's wrong with it. Ugh. We're hoping to know more tomorrow. I really, really (really) hope it is something that can be fixed because we obviously cannot afford another car right now and although we can share a car for the time being, my husband will find a job eventually(right?) and will need a car to get there.

-I am beyond frustrated with the unemployment office right now. It has been 3 and a half weeks since we filed and we have heard nothing. Joe has called there twice and both times it took him all day to get through and then when he got through it said "We're too busy to take your call right now, leave a message and we will call you back". Except they never called back. I understand that they are extremely busy right now, but we have GOT to have some kind of money coming in from somewhere. Like, right now.

-I can't believe how sick I am, so soon after my last sickness. I'm tired of it. I haven't had this much sickness since I worked with kids. It must be stress, because I had a flu shot and I take vitamin C every day. I'm so done with sickness.

-I think I found an apartment for us to live in, at least short term. It costs $550.00 less per month than our current apartment. Of course we're losing a bathroom and a bedroom. Which means that I have to go into the nursery and start packing up all of that stuff to put into storage. Just typing that sentence brings tears to my eyes. I simply haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Packing up all the baby stuff seems so..........final. Like it's not really ever going to happen. I never thought we would decorate a nursery only to have to pack it all up again(Heck, I never thought we would ever decorate a nursery). Some people would say "That's what you get for setting it up so early". That might be so. It doesn't make it any easier to pack it all up. But can I really have a nursery set up for the next 3 years?

--Speaking of having a nursery set up for three years, when talking about the adoption lately I find that I am having to do a lot of explaining as to why we are sticking with China. I have gotten a couple of "Why don't you just switch to another program" and "I don't understand how you can continue to wait like this. Have you looked into other options"? Each time I try to answer those questions I find myself a bit on the defensive side. First of all, it's not as easy as just "switching to another program". Why, you might ask? Well how about "Because our daughter is in China". We both believe this. Strongly. We were led to this path. We love this child, who probably isn't even born yet, all the way on the other side of the world. We have talked about her, planned for her, dreamed of her, loved her. You can't just turn that off like a switch. And we can't just "Switch to the special needs program" either. There are a dozen or so reasons why, some of which are private and I don't want to talk about. But don't think we haven't discussed it. Because we have. And we can't do a concurrent adoption(domestic or otherwise), for various reasons either(the very least of which being that my husband doesn't have a job). So for now we wait. We will continue to wait. As long as it takes. Sometimes I wish we hadn't told anyone in real life(outside of family) about the adoption. Then I wouldn't have to answer those kinds of questions and I wouldn't feel defensive about it.

--Changing subjects. I have been taking Robi.tussen for my cough and it makes me feel a little loopy. Actually, a lot loopy. But I have to take it because if I don't the coughing spasms are so bad that at least three or four times a day I cough until I throw up. Too much information? Perhaps. But I have to be on the phone a lot at work and I can't be coughing up a lung while I am doing it. So Robit.ussin it is. Unless someone else has any other suggestions?
P.S. I am only taking 1 teaspoon every 8 or so hours so I am not overdosing, and cough drops aren't even touching this cough. At all.

--I have been in bed since I got home and I'm wishing we had a t.v. in here because I don't have the energy to go out into the living room. Joe even brought me soup in here for dinner. He takes such good care of me when I am sick and he never complains, even though I have been sick nonstop for the last three weeks. I am very lucky to have him.

--Man, that was all over the place. Told you I was loopy!

12 comments:

KHM said...

So sorry about ALL of it. About the cough - have your tried generic version of Mucinex? (don't get the brand name, generic is much cheaper) Depending on the type of cough it can really help. Try it in the AM on your day off, it keeps some people awake.

MotherMotherOcean said...

You are dealing with a lot. I think moving always has added stress. And packing up the nursery probably feels like packing up hope. I am glad you still have that. Hang in there, baby. It always gets better.

The Oesch Chronicles said...

I am sorry you have to move to save the money. Just remember that everything leads us to something. I know that sounds dumb but as hard as this is it is leading you to something more spectacular and you just don't know what it is yet.

When it comes to the adoption, I think people that are not in your situation or have been cannot understand how you feel. I dreamt of my Katelynn everyday. I had a vision of her in my head. I can totally relate to how your feeling. We did choose to leave the program but so many people have'nt and if both of your hearts believe that this is the direction you need to go in... continue on. Just let people's comment remind you that they just do not understand where you are coming from. And sometimes they do not empathize with us.

I will always be here for you for support!!

3D said...

I wish, wish, wish I was close so I could give you a big hug and hold your hand.

Feel better soon...it will all be okay.

Keep smilin!

Journeywoman said...

I SO hear you about people asking "why are you staying with China?"

Because that's where she is. That's the beginning and the end.

HUGS.

Kayce said...

I love what journeywoman said...Because that's where she is!! Enough said! Hugs!!

2china4S said...

I’m so sorry that you have been sick for so long. Our colds are squatting within us as well and it seems they do not have plans to leave any time soon. Also hope your FIL can diagnose and fix Joe’s car.

We had our nursery set up in three houses. Yep, you read that right. I was against getting it done, but it was important to P, so I agreed. It is about what you are comfortable doing, don’t worry.

The why stick with China question was a thorn on our sides as well. UGH! Like you, we wished we had kept it to ourselves. If we ever do this again, we KNOW that the only persons we will tell are JJ, and the persons writing the recommendation letters. It brought us too much pain, even from relatives. OK, A relative. Like you, we knew Baby S was in China and we do not quit on our child. To me is akin to walking up to a parent that has lost a child and stating “Well, you can always have another one.” People would never think about saying such a horrific thing, but it is OK for us APs to take every piece of assvice thrown our way.

Hope you feel better soon. :)

Rebecca said...

Wow, it really seems like you are going through a tough time right now. I have friends who are/were (not sure at this point) for a baby from China as well. The last time I spoke with them they were going to wait another year then give up. They are fortunate to already have a daughter but I think their main reason for giving up was that they were getting too old and weren't sure they were going to be up for having a new infant in the house. I know everyone has their reasons for sticking with it or giving up. I wish it didn't have to be so difficult. Good luck! I hope you have your daughter soon.

Snowflowers Mum said...

Can you take Mucinex? It is the only thing that works for me.

I'm sorry about the nursery, that's got to be difficult. We bought a stroller before we started trying for a family, someone told me..."you just jinxed yourself, now you wont be able to have kids"....people are stupid.

I just hope it gets a little easier for you guys, you are going through a lot right now and need all the support you can get.

Let me know if you need anything.

Tracy said...

So sorry about having to take the nursery down. You could always put her crib up in your new bedroom-that way you are saying she IS COMING HOME and you are ready for her.

I get the China thing-I wanted to adopt from China for 10 years before we brought Amelia home and my ex-husband said he would NEVER adopt from China, then never adopt and then never use fertility treatments. SOmetimes you just know where your heart is.

I hope your car issue works out. You have had a tough time lately-although I know you wish you had your daughter home yesterday, think about how stressful all of this would be if you had her home already? Hopefully you run through all your bad luck, so when you have her in your arms it's just bliss and you don't have to stress about any of this stuff.

I hope China picks up-the worth is so worth it. Amelia is the little girl I dreamed about all those years and I know I would have always regretted not adopting from China....although Vietnamese little kids are pretty fantastic too....LOL

Jennifer said...

Hope you feel better soon...

Jen

Janice said...

Having tried to do the concurrent route (in two different countries mind you!) I can attest that "just switching" doesn't necessarily work out. It's been heart-breaking to have one program close on us and another get so complicated and expensive we just had to call a halt. I am all in favor of just waiting. Of course that's easier for me to say now since we are pretty close - relatively - to a referral. I am regretting the loss of our I600A path because we now need to spend a bunch of money to get a new home study and file the I800A. Ugh!
And I am so sorry about you having to take the nursery down. I haven't been able to even decorate ours - it was just too hard as everything kept getting further away. Now looking at all those boxes and furniture waiting is just killing me. (I know, not much help. Just an "I feel you pain" statement.)
Hang in there, chica. Know there are people out there pulling for you!