Sunday, October 25, 2009

36 Months

*****We don't actually hit 36 months until tomorrow but this post has been in the queue for awhile and I'm ready for it to be gone. Plus I wanted to post a giveaway on the actual date. So stay tuned tomorrow for that!*********

94, 608,000 seconds.

1,576,800 minutes.

26,280 hours.

1,095 days.

36 months.

3 Years.

That's how long we have been waiting for our daughter. Add another 6 years that we tried to get pregnant and that puts us at 9 years trying to become parents.

That's a long damn time.

I don't know how much longer we have to wait. At this point I feel very far removed from this adoption and I'm trying to hang onto the adage "It will happen when it happens."

It did somehow seem appropriate to honor this month in some way. It is a milestone of sorts that have we made it this far. I have wanted to give up many many times along the way.

There are people before us who have waited longer and there will be people after us who will wait even longer than we will.

I am going to try and make an effort not to dwell on the negative aspects of this waiting process anymore. I really am. It is what it is. For reasons I will never understand, we are not meant to be parents yet.

I'm not sure how much longer I will keep this blog going. What started out as a journal and a place for me to vent and get my feelings out has turned into a place that I find myself editing what I write and constantly second guessing myself. I have started an online journal elsewhere.

I may keep the blog open just to post pictures. That's all I have been doing lately anyway.

I have made some wonderful friends in real life through this blog and and "met" some great people online too through blogging. I don't know where I would be without this online community and your support. I will be forever grateful for it.

Hopefully one day I will post a picture of us holding our daughter in our arms.

Until then, we have to live our lives.

Thanks for following along on the ride. What a ride it has been.

36 Months from Michelle on Vimeo.

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
Any fool can do it
There ain't nothing to it
Nobody knows how we got to
The top of the hill
But since we're on our way down
We might as well enjoy the ride

The secret of love is in opening up your heart
Its okay to feel afraid
But don't let that stand in your way
'Cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since we're only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride

Now the thing about time is that time
Isn't really real
It's just your point of view
How does it feel for you
Einstein said he could never understand it all
Planets spinning through space
The smile upon your face
Welcome to the human race

Some kind of lovely ride
I'll be sliding down
I'll be gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride

Now the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time

James Taylor


Alyson & Ford said...

Sorry about the long wait; it is horrible. We felt so many ups and downs, peaks and valleys (with only a 31 month wait).
If you know your family is not complete and there are children needing homes then keep working towards that.... you never know how it will turn out; I know you will be great parents. Maybe your China daughter is not the only child waiting for you. I hope you will be parents soon!

Alyzabeth's Mommy

Journeywoman said...

The Wait.
It sucks.

We're at 3 years too. And Gd alone knows how much longer it will be...and he ain't talkin.

Anonymous said...

Aww Michelle... Such a great video... This wait time has sucked so bad for so many families. I do hope your turn comes soon! You two are going to be amazing parents!

Briana's Mom said...

You have had to wait much, much too long. I cannot wait until I see a child in your arms. I know where to still keep up with you though. ;)

Sherri said...

This wait does suck in a big way. We're heading on our 39th. I love your post and it's really hard for me to feel that way. I try I do, but only GOD knows when it's going to happen. I look at this way - yup you have 36 months down, more then most and were just about there, I keep telling myself that!! It's almost over!! Happy 36th and I love the count down you did.


Special K said...

Very sweet video. Sophie will appreciate it some day when she's older. It speaks to how much we love them before they're even here.

Hang in there. The wait sucks. There's no nice way to say it. :)
But we'll get there....

M3 said...

Ah Michelle, that is a wonderful video -- the love just shines through every picture. You guys are going to be such caring, loving parents. Congratulations on 3 years, it is a huge milestone, and I wish like heck it came with some concrete information, but I guess it is what it is. Big hugs.

Marla said...

What a precious video. I'm so sorry for this long wait, I can't even imagine what it's been like. Congrats on getting 36 behind you, I pray that you don't have much longer to go.

Jenna said...

I am sorry.... this is such a sucky milestone that shouldn't have been reached.
It was a lovely video. I can't imagine the tears that fell as you made it.
You are in my thoughts today as always.

Kayce said...

HUGS HUGS HUGS!! I know how you are feeling. Although I can't make it better for you or take away the uncertainty I can wait with you and I will continue to do that until Sophie is in your arms. You will be very missed out here in bloggy land my friend. Keep the faith!

Kiy said...

Michelle, I stumbled on your blog from M3's. I just wanted to give you a shout out, I know exactly what you are going through. We too waited 3 years (Oct 2004-Oct 2007). We too came *so* close to quitting, so many times. My husband and one very good friend (not involved in adoption at all) kept me keeping the course. And, thank goodness. We have been home two years now with the most delightful little girl. While I will never ever forget the wait (that was supposed to be 4-6 months!), she was worth every single moment, and every single tear.

I guess I just wanted to say, keep on keeping on. I am going to add you to my blogger following list ... I want to be there to cheer and shout when you get your referral and then, your sweet baby!