Should

I should be:

Excited about Dragon Boat practice starting this morning and Joe attending with me for the first time.

Enjoying the beautiful weather we are having.  (High in the mid-eighties with a slight breeze).

Loving driving down the freeway with all of  the windows down and the radio blaring .

Thinking about all of the things in the post below that I am thankful for.

Instead I am:

Waiting on something that is so long overdue that are lives are unravelling right before our eyes the longer we wait for it.

Wondering if my husband will ever find a job and our lives will have a sense of normalcy again.

Isolating myself from friends and family.

Dreaming of a child I don't believe is ever coming.

Dreading the time I took off from work in a couple of weeks for the camping trip we won't be able  to go on.

Crying myself to sleep over an e-mail I wish I had never sent and the repercussions from it.

All I feel is sadness.

I am going to church with a friend later and dinner afterward.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  

Because this sadness?

It sucks more that I can convey.

And It's  getting old.