Saturday, June 05, 2010

Should

I should be:

Excited about Dragon Boat practice starting this morning and Joe attending with me for the first time.

Enjoying the beautiful weather we are having.  (High in the mid-eighties with a slight breeze).

Loving driving down the freeway with all of  the windows down and the radio blaring .

Thinking about all of the things in the post below that I am thankful for.

Instead I am:

Waiting on something that is so long overdue that are lives are unravelling right before our eyes the longer we wait for it.

Wondering if my husband will ever find a job and our lives will have a sense of normalcy again.

Isolating myself from friends and family.

Dreaming of a child I don't believe is ever coming.

Dreading the time I took off from work in a couple of weeks for the camping trip we won't be able  to go on.

Crying myself to sleep over an e-mail I wish I had never sent and the repercussions from it.


All I feel is sadness.



I am going to church with a friend later and dinner afterward.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  



Because this sadness?

It sucks more that I can convey.



And It's  getting old.






7 comments:

Tracy said...

I'm glad you are blogging again. I just wanted to say how impressed I am with your marriage. I can't even imagine the stress this is putting you guys under and it sounds like you are a rock solid couple. I think that is very rare and you are lucky that your marriage isn't failing (since it seems very important to you). I do hope your husband finds a job soon and about your e-mail- I have been stressed out and gotten disappointed in people not responding the way I want or need them to. Everytime I say something i end up losing a friend-you should just throw yourself on the sword and appoligise for what you said. Even if you meant it at the time, it doesn't sound the outcome was what you were hoping for and I'm sure the relationship is more important to you than your pride. I hope good things come to you soon

My Little Monkey said...

Michelle.... I am so sorry that you are going through this time..... please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.... HUGS ~ Kelly

Rhonda said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

*hugs*

Coley - giving it our all said...

HUGS hon! I've been thinking of you.

Laura said...

So sorry, Michelle. Sending cyberhugs your way.

Journeywoman said...

I'm so sorry you're going thorough this. I wish there was something I could do to help.

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

Thinking of you so much.

Lea
xo