A Break

So I guess I'm blogging again.  For now.  I deactivated my Facebook account. 

I needed a break. 

 I was off for 8 days, not  that anyone noticed.  I only reactivated it because there is a commuter's group there  that is very helpful with traffic updates  for my drive, and also I get a lot of free printables for my planner in one of the groups there.  

Aside from those two groups, I'm not feeling facebook. At all. 

I'm tired of the political crap.  So tired. So tired of the fake news people pass around like its truth.  Tired of the memes showing that your candidate is right. 

You aren't changing anyone's mind. If you voted for him then I have either unfriended or unfollowed you so I can't see your posts.  

I have said many times before that the world scares me.  But I never thought it could scare me as much as it does now.  The people that are being put into office, and what they stand for is truly frightening. 

Truly.Frightening.   

I know that now is not the time to be quiet about this.  I KNOW this.  But if I don't step back from this for a little bit I will be a sobbing mess all of the time.  I hardly leave my house as it is.  I just need to distance myself from it for a bit.  I need to build up my strength emotionally and shelter myself for a bit. For my sanity.  But I'll be back.  I'll be back to lend my voice to stand up for the horrible things happening in our government right now and in the future.  

In time. 

Anyway, change of subject.  (I've never been good at segways)

Joe and I went to Disneyland.  We got some really cheap tickets by walking in the CHOC walk(half off!), and my sister bought them for us as a Christmas present. 

We both took a day off work and spent the entire day at Disneyland and CA adventure.  

The WHOLE day.  We got there when it opened at 9:00 am and didn't leave until it closed at 9:30 pm. 

Best.Day.Ever.

Well, except for the blisters I got from walking 12 miles. Those really hurt.  

But the Christmas decorations were up, and it wasn't crowded at all and we just had the best time.  

Instead of just repeating over and over how much fun we had(best day!), here are some photos

We started with Space Mountain. 

I love the way some people pose for the camera on the rides.  I'm too busy holding on so I don't die to pose for the photo on the ride.  Seriously every time I get on a roller coaster I'm convinced that the car could fly off the track and we could die.  I mean, it COULD happen, right?

We hit the most crowded rides first.  

Star Tours 3D glasses selfie.  It's a good look for us I think.  

The highlight of our visit was the Star Wars Launch Bay, where we met Boba Fet, Darth Vader and Chewbaca. So much fun!

Boba Fet

We met Darth Vader and this is so stupid but I actually felt nervous!   LOL

Meeting Chewbaca was amazing.  Yes, I do realize I'm talking about fictional characters here.  But he was amazing!

We each got a great big hug, and then he and Joe discussed facial hair.  

This is going on our Christmas card. 

I have no idea why I'm so squinty, or which camera I'm looking at, but it's made of awesome.   

They had some really cool Star Wars memorabilia. 

Such a neat exhibit.  Highly recommend a visit there.  

We didn't see any parades that day, so we had 12 hours to explore the park(did I ever tell you how last year when we went to Disneyland I spent a total of almost 7 hours waiting for two different parades? No?  Well I did.  7 hours.  Joe thought I was nuts.  What can I say?  I really love parades)

No parades for us this visit. 

Always a good shot

We rode the Matterhorn twice.  Once during the day and once when the parade was going on, when we walked right on.    We didn't wait more than 20 minutes for any ride the entire day.  Definitely a great time to go to Disneyland before the holiday crowds start.   

Matterhorn selfie

Gotta love haunted mansion holiday

After lunch we headed over to CA Adventure for a bit. I brought lunch and dinner(sandwiches and cold fried chicken) with us, as well as Gatorade, water and snacks.  We probably easily saved $100 by not eating in the park for meals.  I brought a huge cooler that we put in one of their extra large lockers.  We did have to pay $10 for that. But still.  It's so expensive to eat in the parks.  We saved a ton of money by bringing our own food.  

I just love Cars Land at night. 

There's a story behind this photo.  Joe and I went on this ride three times in a row(I love it!), but we went in the single rider line, which was only ten minutes long but you don't get to ride together.  

The family sitting next to me were SO excited about this ride.  Like hands up, screaming having fun. When we first got on I heard them saying that they were going to pose for the photo at the end because they were going to purchase it. Well I wasn't going to ruin their photo!  I mean, I'm going to be on display in their photo album for years to come so I might as well look like I'm having fun too!  I broke my hold-on-for-dear-life-because-you-might-die-rule for this photo.  

Next we went on The Little Mermaid.  I love, love, love The Little Mermaid

I may or may not have sung the entire time.  

Lastly we rode CA Screamin' before heading back over to DLand.  

Again with the people posing for the camera. I did not let go on this ride. See above about fear of dying.   

I wish we could have spent more time in that park but I really wanted to end our day at DLand to soak in the Christmas spirit and see the lights.  

We ended our night with It's A Small World Holiday

Love it. So magical. 

I hate this photo because my hair is a mess, and my makeup is all but gone but I also love it because that photo represents the end of a great day.  Such a great day.  It was exactly what I needed.  

I had  blisters on my feet that took days to heal, but so worth it.  

The Post About Politics

I'm about to do something I've never done on this blog, in the entire 9 years it has been in existence,
and that is talk about politics.

So we have voted into office a pseudo celebrity with zero political experience.  ZERO. He is the most unqualified candidate to ever be elected into office.  History was made in that regard.  (Yay us)

I am disappointed. I am sad.  I am in disbelief.  I am not these things because I lost.  Not because "my" candidate lost and "yours" won.  It isn't about Democrats and Republicans. It isn't about party lines.

I am sad because in addition to having zero political experience, we also voted into office a candidate who spewed hate and racism his entire campaign(whether you believe it or not).

This is an excellent article on why I am sad:
This is Why We Grieve Trump

 Many of my friends have shared this sentiment regarding the election results.

 "Regardless of how I feel about him I will need to respect him because he will be our Commander in Chief."

To that I say NO.  I do not have to respect him.  Accept it?  Yes.  Respect?  No.  I refuse to respect a man who has zero respect for me as a woman.

Many, many people have shown zero respect for our current President over the last 8 years.  They have voiced  dissatisfaction, and often contempt at every turn.  Article after article, shared on FB stating what a horrible president he is and has been.  That's not respect. But it's our right, because we live in a democracy and practice free speech to speak out about our elected leaders if we don't agree with them(or don't like them).

Trump himself shows no respect for our current president.

9 of the nastiest things Trump has said about Obama

So no, don't expect me to respect this man as our president.  Because I don't, and I won't.

For the first time in a long time I'm scared for our future.

I'm scared for all of my friends who have children adopted from other countries who are WORRIED they will be sent back to where they came from.  It doesn't matter how likely that is or isn't.  What matters is that the future POTUS is saying things that make them feel this way. Kids are smart. Kids pay attention.  They feel the hatred and fear in the air.

Two separate friends(actual, IRL friends that I know, not a friend of a fb friend) posted about incidents that happened the day after the election where kids on the playground were telling kids of color they needed to "go back home" because we are "building a wall".

In fact, racist incidents are up since the election:
Time magazine article on the rise in racist incidents since the election

It's a different world we live in where kids are mimicking hateful words they heard from our President elect, and not just from home, or wherever else they might hear racist speech.

When is the last time we elected a president where we needed actual advice on how to talk to our children about it because they're scared?  I can't remember one.

Talking to Kids About Trump's Victory
How To Talk to Your Kids About Donald Trump



I will try to be understanding of your views if you are tired of the "establishment" and think that he will shake things up.

I will try to be understanding of your point of view if you think he is a good businessman who can get our country out of debt.

I will try to be understanding of your point of view if Obamacare was a failure for your family(it wasn't for mine).

I will try to be understanding of your point of view if you voted for him because he is Conservative and you wanted conservative members of the Supreme Court.

I will try to be understanding of your point of view if you voted for him because you abhor her.

I don't understand those beliefs, but I can try.

But I cannot be understanding of your point of view if you refuse to admit that he ran on a platform of hate.  If you refuse to admit that he is a misogynist.  If you refuse to acknowledge the racist things he has said, over and over again.

I cannot and will not debate you on those things, because they are the truth. If you can honestly go back and research his campaign from the beginning and deny that those things happened, then you are denying the truth, and that I will never understand or be in agreement with.

If we are "online friends", then fine, no problem we can coexist without those topics because I will unfollow or refuse to debate if they come up.

It's my actual friends and family who support Trump that I am concerned about.  First of all, don't bring it up to me.  Ever.  Don't expect me to discuss your views on why Donald Trump is not racist.  If it comes up, don't be surprised if I get up and walk away. It's more than a case of "agree to disagree".  Hopefully we can still talk, or get together without this topic coming up. Because that's the only way I'll be able to do that. I still love you because you're my friend, but don't expect me to understand your blatant disregard for the truth about his racist tendencies.


There countless articles on racist, misogynistic things Trump has said. Out loud.  In public.  If you believe the media is against him or "spinning things", then clearly nothing will sway you into believing the truth.  He has a history of racism, dating back to the 80's.

Here's a couple:
The 15 Most Offensive Things That Have Come Out of Trump's Mouth
A Final Response to the "Tell me why Trump is racist"
Is Donald Trump a Racist? Here's What His Record Shows
13 Examples of Donald Trump Being Racist
Is Donald Trump a Racist?



Your argument is invalid.

But hey, let's make America great again.




I'm prepared to receive some backlash on this.  That's fine, but anything hateful will be deleted.  I am entitled to my opinion. It's my blog.  You're entitled to your opinion, as long as it is respectful of mine. Otherwise take it elsewhere.

Me

                                 

         

I'm the kind of person who can't watch the news because it makes me sad. 

I'm the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve.  

 I'm the kind of person who puts my all into everything that I do, and am disappointed if I can't do it perfectly. 

I'm the kind of person who tries very hard to say what I mean and mean what I say.  

I'm the kind of person who gets very disappointed  in other people when they don't.  

I'm the kind of person who goes all out to plan a beautiful baby shower for a co-worker, then cries a little on the way home because even after all these years it's still hard to oooooh and ahhhhh over all of the cute baby clothes without thinking of Sophie. 

I'm the kind of person who hides in my house all weekend because I don't have the energy to face even one person.  

I'm the kind of person who lies in bed when the alarm goes off some mornings feeling like I don't have the  energy to get out of bed, then gives myself a pep talk until I do. 

I'm the kind of person who often has very dark thoughts on the inside but portrays a happy facade on the outside.

I'm the kind of person who takes things people do or say very personally, even when I shouldn't. 

I'm the kind of person who takes self hatred and self loathing to a new level.

I'm the kind of person who can't let go of past hurts, no matter how hard I try. 

I'm the kind of person who just wants everyone to get along.  

I'm the kind of person who often feels left out. 

I'm the kind of person who lies awake at night and can't sleep because of the terror in the world. 

I'm the kind of person who cries when I'm angry. 

I'm the kind of person who gets their feelings hurt easily.  

I'm the kind of person who has no tolerance for people that spew hate and racism.  

I'm the kind of person who wants to make everyone happy, even if trying to do so makes me stressed and unhappy.

I'm the kind of person who wants to hide under the covers of my bed until this election is over and wonders how I'll ever make it to November.  

I'm the kind of person who wants to shut down my Facebook account almost daily but would miss my friends if I did.  

  

I'm the kind of person who overthinks things times a thousand.  

I'm the kind of person who feels a million feelings at once, and then nothing at all.  

Sometimes it's so tiring being me, I wish I could be someone else for a just little while.   

Shed A Little Light

 "So much darkness.  Offer whatever light you can".      

                                                     Sandra Boynton

I miss blogging but I don't take the time to read other blogs.  

I miss writing, but I don't write, aside from two line sentences on Facebook. 

I want to feel better physically, but I struggle with making the right choices nutritionally, or having the energy(or motivation)to move my body daily.  

I want joe to have a different job so we can sleep in the same bed at the same time again, but I'm terrified for him to make a change.  What if they don't give him full time hours? What if his boss doesn't like him?  What if he gets laid off again?(This thought followed by hyperventilation).  His job is stable and they like him there and they give him time off when he asks for it.  So I want him to stay. But I also want him to go because the opposite shift thing is tiring.   

I want to get a second car but I'm worried about having a car payment.  

My life is full of contradictions right now.  

Work is stressful.  It's summer.  It's always stressful in the summertime.  I know this, I've been there almost 5 years(five.years!), it shouldn't come as a surprise. 

But I still let it stress me out.  

I want to be able to accommodate every patient that wants to come see us.  I want patients to be able to get their medications affordably, and if their insurance won't allow it, I want to fight their ins until they can(I win roughly half the time but it's time consuming and frustrating).  I want the drug reps to be happy and get paid because they are people too and have families to support.  I want our doctors to have the perfect schedule.  Not too many patients, but not too few.  (The not too few isn't a problem right now)

I want to make everyone happy.  

I know that it is impossible to do so, but when I can't it makes me stressed.   I need to let that shit go.  I cannot make everyone happy.  I can only do what I can do.  

In addition to the day to day stresses there is the state of the world.  

The world is a scary place right now. 

Hundreds and hundreds of people being killed and injured in Terror attacks.  

People being shot in the street, both civilians and police officers.  

I spend more time than I should pouring over the faces of people who died in the last week alone.  My heart breaks for all of them, but especially for their loved ones. I feel sad a lot of the time.  

Candidates who terrify me vying to be leader of our country.  

I have not been directly affected by any of these scary things as of yet.  I'm safe in my little bubble but sometimes I lie awake at night and think that some day it will reach me.  

Some of that violence and terror could infiltrate my little world eventually, right? And if not, why not?  Why am I the lucky one?

I know that kind of thinking is a dead end street. It serves no purpose. I can't hide away in my little home. I have to live my life, despite the evil and terror in the world. 

But there are days like today, where I hole up in our little house with the curtains drawn where I can't seem to find the courage  to even leave the house to go retrieve something from my car or go pick up the mail. Joe calls it turtling.  

Today I'm turtling.  Pulling my head inside my shell and ignoring the world outside.  

 

I'm searching for ways to help somehow, even if just a tiny little bit.  Sending gift cards or small donations of money(even just $10) where they are needed.  Hand writing and sending cards to cheer up someone that might need a little brightness in their day. 

It makes  me feel a little less helpless.  Not a lot, but a little.  

Despite all of the above, Joe and I have had some opportunities to visit my sister and get away from it all, which helps. We did a quick weekend trip for Cameron's 8th grade graduation.  Don't even get me started on the fact that he's turning 15. 

Then a couple of weeks later we headed back up for our annual Fourth of July trip to the Russian River with Lisa and a group of her friends.  Had a fabulous time, as usual. I'll spare you the dozens of photos that look the same as the last four years and only leave you with a couple.  

For anyone that needs it right now, I send positive thoughts and a virtual hug your way.  The world is a scary place but I continue to believe that people are mostly good. If we all spared a moment to do one small act of kindness a day the world would be a better place.  I'm gong to try to be better about that.

  

I'm actively looking for other ways to shed a little light to people in need, if anyone has any links or suggestions for me. 

******Shed A Little Light is my favorite James Taylor song. 

2016 Recap February

2016 Recap Part 2.  Again, this was all on fb so you might have Deja Vu and can skip it if you want.

Caught some stunning sunsets in February, although I was counting down the days until Daylight Saving time ended.  I hate it being dark when I get off of work!

Got a couple of rides in.  Sadly, I haven't really ridden since. I've been plagued with thyroid troubles since the New Year(more on that later) and I've been feeling just plain crappy.

Found some oldie but goodie photos of me in my horseshoe days.  Top overall rider in the state of CA Bay-bee.  Man that was forever ago.  I'm 16 in this photo.

Valentine's Day and our anniversary were lovely. 

We had dinner at The Storybook Cafe in The Grand Californian again.

The dessert buffet is my favorite.

They gave us these very cute buttons when we told them it was our anniversary.

Unfortunately  when we left they charged us $48 for going over our 3 hour free time limit(we parked at the hotel), even though TWO people told us we had 3 hours from the time our ticket was validated at the restaurant, and not from the time we parked.  Forty.Eight.Dollars.  That's highway robbery.  I get it, they are discouraging people from parking there and going to the theme parks but still.  It was a mistake(and it was their fault for giving out the wrong information), and they could have made it right if they wanted to and they just didn't want to.  This is the first time we have ever been disappointed in the customer service at Disney.  That's a $48 button you're looking at right there.  We didn't let it spoil our night.  We still had a wonderful time.

Anniversary manicure

The Saturday night before Valentine's Day I had this harebrained idea to make some Valentine's treats for my co-workers that required the baking of 5 dozen cupcakes.

Yes, I bought too much mix, and not enough frosting.  I'm not good at math.

5 dozen cupcakes is a lot.

But they turned out so cute.  Cupcakes in a jar.  Pinterest idea, of course.

My Sees-ter sent this yummy edible arrangement to my work.  Everyone enjoyed it.

Joe broke our don't-buy-valentinesday-stuff and brought me flowers and a balloon.  We don't buy Valentine's Day stuff or flowers even for our anniversary because it's three times the cost.  We usually wait until the next week when things are back to normal price, and chocolate is 75% off.

And Champagne of course. Gotta have champagne for your anniversary.

23 years.  Hard to believe.

In March The X-Files returned to television. Yay!  Joe and I were both very excited.  

Mulder and Scully 4Ever.

We both enjoyed the episodes, but were disappointed in the ending.