That last post had more of a negative vibe than I had planned on.   Some days of this wait are better than  others.  Yesterday was one of the harder ones.  Today is better.  It was good that I forgot our LID day. It means I'm not obsessing over them like I used to.  When we got our letter from our agency 19 months ago telling us we were (finally) DTC, it said we could expect to wait between 12 and 18 months.  We now know it will be much(much) longer than that. A huge topic of discussion in our house in the last two months has been whether or not we should try to switch to the special needs program.  Serious discussion.  Long, drawn out, stay up until midnight, soul searching discussion.  And we have come to a decision.  We will stay with the Non-special needs program and wait.  As long as it takes.  I have to believe this will happen. Eventually.  At the end of the day, there weren't enough good reasons why we should switch. Getting a child faster is not a reason.  We both feel we aren't ready emotionally, physically, or financially to support a child with a medical special need.   We are fully aware that our child will have her(or his?) own special needs, simply from living in an institution for the first part of her(his?) life.  Anything above and beyond that we're just not sure we could handle as first time parents.  We have to have faith that we're on the right path.  I just pray that things speed up at least slightly because I'm not sure I can wait another three years.  I'm already seriously considering taking down the nursery. For now.  We will have plenty of time to put it back together.  But we live in a very small space and right now that room is just sitting empty, waiting for a child that feels very far away.   Very, very far away.

17 months

I was gonna do a Wordless Wednesday Post, but then I realized that today is our 17th "LID"-aversary, and I couldn't do that without words, because "month" is a word. I kind of suck at the wordless Wednesdays thing. Anyway, 17 months today. Wow. They really are flying by these last few months. Let's see how I feel when I have to type a number in the fifties, which could totally happen. I doubt I'll be in my happy place then. If I did have to choose a photo to sum up our day, this would be it:















You can probably guess what we did today. We owe almost a thousand dollars in State taxes. Ugh. But we're getting back some from Federal, plus the tax rebate, which we totally qualify for, so it's all relative I guess. I'm just glad it's done. As soon as our accountant gets them back to us, we'll drop them in the mail and then not worry about it for another year. Except for changing the withholdings for the state. I'm tired of owing them money every year. There goes another eighty five bucks or so a month from my paycheck. Sigh. We will get ahead someday, right?