13 Months

It totally slipped by me. Maybe that's a good thing. Perhaps the next 23 will slip by unnoticed as well? Probably not. One can hope though. I am feeling a hundred percent better about things today. I think maybe it is the upcoming holidays that are getting to me. I did some cute things in the nursery on my day off yesterday and it made me feel happy, not sad. I'd show you pictures, but I'm too lazy. I probably won't get around to it this weekend either, because my sees-ter is coming to visit and we'll be hanging out all weekend long. Sans children. Woo Hoo! Par-tay!

thank you all so much for the ecouraging words. It helps so much to know that I am not alone. Today was much better. Still feeling a bit emotional. But better. I'm going to bed early and hopefully will wake up tomorrow rested and back to normal.



P.s. Thanks for the song recommendation journeywoman. I did'nt laugh. I find so much solace in music, especially with song lyrics that relate to my feelings. I just downloaded it.


I'm posting from my bed on my phone, so pardon the typos. G'night!

I had a bad day. Some days are like that. I woke up in a funk. I cried on the way to work listening to Christmas music. I love Christmas. But it makes me sad. Why is that? I screwed up at work. A couple of times. It's no big deal, but it didn't help my state of mind. I cried again on the phone with Joe at lunch. I'm feeling pretty emotional today. Maybe it's the post vacation blues. There is something else that is bothering me. I have gone back and forth on whether I should post about it or not. I don't want to hurt any one's feelings, and if you haven't been through the pain of infertility you just won't get it. Oh well. Here goes anyway. Before we started the adoption, and right before we decided not to go any further with infertility treatments, I joined an infertility support group. I have mentioned it before. Through that group I met four wonderful women who have become my friends. We try to meet at least every couple of months to catch up. Out of the four of us, two became pregnant. I could not be happier for them. That left two of us still trying to start a family. While we chose adoption, the other girl pursued IFV. Many, many times, all with heartbreaking results. She and her husband talked about adoption, but nothing was concrete. Over the weekend I received an e-mail from her. In her e-mail was a picture of her beautiful newborn son that they had adopted domestically. I am so happy for her and her husband. I truly am. They went through so much and I am so glad to see them happy. But at the same time I am sad. Out of the five original girls that were in the group, only one of them does not have their baby at home with them. Guess which one. That would be me. It is so disheartening. We started our adoption process a year and a half before they did. And we are nowhere near having our baby home. Nowhere near. I thought giving up on the infertility treatments and pursuing adoption was the plan God had for us. I really did. And now I'm not so sure. I have so many doubts. Not only can I not get pregnant, I can't even choose an adoption plan where I have my child home in less than three years. Somehow I feel like a failure. I didn't want to be the last one standing. Although I wouldn't have wished it on anyone else, I didn't want it to be me. Why am I always last? Why do we have to wait so long? Will this ever really happen? So many questions, and no answers. I feel so guilty for even thinking this way. I am happy for each and every one of my friends that have been able to start their families. Is it possible to be happy for someone and still be sad for yourself? I hope so. Because I am sad. Very sad. I'm going to take a bubble bath and climb into bed. It's hard to feel sad when you are asleep, right?

P.S. T-I know you read this occasionally. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. I am so, so happy for you. He is so beautiful and I can't wait to meet him. I know if anyone can understand how I'm feeling, you can.

I wanted to post some of the pictures I took from our trip to Canada, but when I tried to upload them onto my computer(five times!), it said that three hundred of them were unreadable files and could not be uploaded. Three. Hundred. Please excuse me while I go cry. Joe is confident that he can get them off of my card, but I am impatient and I want them right now!(said in a shrill voice while stomping my foot). Here are the few that I was able to get off of the card. I hope so much that Joe is right and that he can save the rest of the photos because if he can't, I am going to be very very sad.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I have to admit, it doesn't feel like Thanksgiving. I gues that could be because, well......where we are it isn't. Thanksgiving, that is. We made it safely to our destination in Vancouver yesterday. What a long day. Travelling sure does take it out of you. The Vancouver airport is so. much. cooler. than ours. And I don't mean the temperature. It is a beautiful airport! I will post pics later. I have been searching the web to see if we can get a turkey dinner today, but it's not looking good. We may have to have a belated Thanksgiving when we get home. Or maybe have Turkey on Christmas this year. Either way, I must have turkey. At least once a year. Well, gotta get up and moving if we're going to pack in all the stuff we have planned over the next three days.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

I don't know when I'll be back again. Well, O.K. actually I do know when I'll be back. But I'm not thinking about that right now. All I'm thinking about now is leaving for our vacation in the morning and how super excited I am. We're bringing the laptop, but not sure when or if I'll be able to post. I hope all of my American friends have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving. Catch you on the flip side!

Has it really been four days since my last post? Time does fly. What have I been up to, you might ask. Mostly running around like crazy trying to get ready for my trip. Shopping, cleaning, etc. Gosh it takes a lot of preparation togo out of town for a few days! Yesterday, however, I did nothing. No. Thing. I didn't even get out of my pajamas yesterday. It felt soooooo good. Must do that more often. I really don't have much to say. One more day until we leave for Canada. Yippeeeee!

A Dream Come True

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge James Taylor fan. Huge. Fan. You might even say I'm his Number One Fan. Heh. (If you've never read Stephen King's Misery,(or seen the movie) you have no idea what I'm talking about. In fact, I have probably alienated about half of my readers). Anyway, I love James Taylor. Well, I love his music. Because in order to love him, I'd have to know him. At least a little bit. So I love his music. I have every single album(do we still use that term?) he ever made. Even the ones that came out before I was born. I have seen him in concert six times. Or seven. I can't remember exactly. I even signed up to receive e-mails on his official web site. I guess you could call it a fan club. But that makes me sound like a freak. Let's stick with website. So on Tuesday I got an e-mail from his website letting people know about his new C.D. as well as television appearances and C.D. signings to promote such C.D. He was only doing two signings. One in L.A. and one in New York. I thought it pretty unlikely that I would make the one in New York, so I decided to try and make it to the one in Los Angeles. It just so happened that it was going to be on Wednesday night, and Wednesday is my day off. It was meant to be! So yesterday at around two-thirty I headed out on the freeway towards Los Angeles. Santa Monica, to be exact. I left so early so I would miss the evening traffic. I had no traffic at all going out and made it there in a little under an hour. I got my wristband, walked around a little bit and had something to eat, then went and sat on the sidewalk and waited. There weren't that many people there at first. As the afternoon slipped into evening, more and more people started showing up, until there was a huge crowd of people. Some of the people that showed up were.....how should I say this? Interesting. I'm not judging. Hey, there I was, sitting on the sidewalk just like they were, waiting to meet James Taylor. I'm just saying that some of them weren't exactly playing with a full deck. If you know what I mean. But the couple sitting next to me were very nice and we kind of struck up a friendship of sorts, so I didn't feel too weirded out. So after waiting for almost three hours, they finally got to our number and we lined up to go inside. And there he was. Sitting. Right. There. Like twenty feet away from me. It was just so cool. Soon it got to be my turn and I walked over to him and gave him my C.D. to sign and he totally strikes up a conversation with me! Like, asking me where I'm from, and thanking me for coming such a long way and stuff. I am so star struck at this point that I'm just kind of smiling and nodding and stammering out replies. The he sees my Iphone and asks me all sorts of questions about it, like am I happy with it, and what does it do. I am totally blown away at this point and don't even remember the last part of the conversation, or getting my picture taken with him. Next thing I know I am outside the store, calling Joe to tell him what just happened and I am on Cloud Nine. I am so glad I went. Even if I had to go by myself(Joe had to work and I have no friends). It truly was the opportunity of a lifetime.


The first sighting. There he is!(Deep Breaths)















Oh my Gosh. I'm next!















The money shot. I may not look it, but I am very nervous.
He's so tall!

I would like to have one day off where I didn't have to run ten thousand errands. Tomorrow I have to take my car in to have it fixed(finally!), then I have to go get a second mammogram done(fingers crossed), then I have another doctor's appt. Next Wed. will be spent traveling(can't wait) so I won't have a day off to just veg and do nothing for awhile. I'm going to try and do some of that while we're in Canada, but we have so many things planned I'm not sure there will be time for relaxing. That's it. I am declaring Wednesday, Nov. 28th a stay-at-home-in-my-pajamas-and do-nothing day. I will not schedule any appointments that day. I will not run any errands. I will stay home and relax, even if it kills me! Speaking of killing me, I fell in the shower yesterday. I was getting out and my feet just slipped right out from under me. I whacked my arm on the side, bruised my leg when it hit the tub wall, and twisted my ankle. The same ankle that I sprained last month. I can see why that is one of the most common household accidents that occurs. I'm lucky I didn't crack my head open! Did you know that falling onto knives that are facing up in the dishwasher is also a very common household accident? That's why I always put mine in handle side up. Joe puts them in sharp side up. I think he secretly may be trying to kill me. He knows how clumsy I am! Tomorrow I will be buying some of those tub stickers that prevent you from slipping. Wow. That was some riveting stuff there. Gotta go. Hubby just took some piping hot chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. Mmmmmm.........

Hug a Veteran Today

Christmas Came Early

It is five thirty-four a.m. I am awake. I have been since four. Why, you ask? I. Dont. Know. It has been happening for the last five days. It is driving me crazy. And I'm tired.

Christmas came a little bit early to my house this year. First, I bought Sophie this adorable push toy. Isn't it cute? When you push it around, lights up! It's kind of hard to see in the pictures. As soon as I saw it I(I mean, Sophie:) knew I had to have it. I can just see Sophie toddling around our apartment pushing it along. Sophie is not the only one who got an early Christmas present this year. I also received a totally cool and unexpected gift. Every year my husband and
I agree on one large item we would like for Christmas. I always save the gift I bought for my husband to open on Christmas, but he always ends up giving me my gift early. He gets so excited about the gift that he simply can't wait to give it to me! This year was no exception. He totally surprised me when he told me to get in the car on Sunday, because we were going to get my Christmas present. I was so curious as to what it might be. I about fell over when he handed me one of these. It's an Iphone! Now I'm not one to get all Ga Ga over gadgets. Heck, I didn't even own an IPod. But man, I'm in love with this phone. It is Just. So. Cool. You can check your e-mail on it! And surf the internet! And view full web pages! I can even check my blogs! And the touch screen is amazing. I love it. Now I have someplace to store my pictures and listen to music, and talk on the phone all in one gadget. Isn't technology amazing?

Let me Entertain You

So you know how we're going to Canada for Thanksgiving right?(in eleven days. But who's counting). Anyway, on the flight back, Lisa, Scott and the Kids are on the same flight we are. And I just know one(or both) of them are going to insist on sitting with "Aunt Shell" for at least some of the time. (With no prompting at all from their Mother. Really). So I went out and bought all of this stuff to keep them entertained on the three and half hour flight. Does this look like enough activities to entertain a four year old and a six year old for three hours? No? Yeah, I didn't think so. Back to Barnes and Noble I go in the morning.

I kind of totally forgot about the whole being thankful thing, and listing them every day. What can I say. I have a very short attention span(and a very short memory). Today was long. It wasn't a bad day, but it kind dragged on and on and seemed to never end. I'm ready for bed. It is eight fifty. But I don't care. I'm heading into the bedroom anyway. I got the results from my mammogram. They want me to come back. I had to do that last time too. It kind of scares me a little though, because the nurse told me they had gone all digital since the last time I was there, and she could see so much more than she could before, so it was unlikely that I would need to return. So why do I have to go back? What did they see that warrants a second look? Probably nothing, I know. I could drive myself crazy with wondering and worry. But I'm not going to do that. I'll go back as soon as they can get me in, and I won't think about it again until I get the results(Ha! Right!). No, seriously. I'm not going to worry about it. Much. I'm wiped and am turning in now. Oh, here's my three thanks(See? I almost forgot! It's sad really)

1. I am thankful it is Friday. Yay for Friday!
2. I am thankful it is the holiday season. I love Christmas. The decorations are already going up and some of the stores are playing Christmas music! I think it's too early, but it's getting me in the mood.
3. I am thankful for Tamales. No, really. I bought some Tamales at a craft fair I went to on my way home and I had one not too long ago. They are Yum-ee.

Ho Hum

I guess I'm not going to do the post every day thing. Because, well, I haven't been doing it. Oh well. There's always next year. I had a lovely day off yesterday. I went to lunch with my Dad and my Aunt and Uncle to celebrate my Dad's birthday. We had a great time. This week has flown by. I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. Joe's been working a lot of nights, so I've been kind of on my own a lot. Its both good and bad. I like having time to myself, but sometimes I get a bit lonely. Must find some friends. Work has been going much, much better. I did make a major mistake today, but luckily it was fixed before the doctor found out about it. Whew! Thank God for my co-worker. She has saved me a couple of times now. Hopefully it will continue to get easier as time goes by. Well that was boring. But it's all I got.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my Dad's Birthday. Happy Birthday Dad! We love you! I'll see you tomorrow!

Glitterfy.com

Help Bring Noah Home

Okay, you know the Blog Shower I posted about yesterday? Well another one of my favorite bloggers is trying to get as much traffic as possible for Verna's blog makeovers so they can raise the money for Noah's orphanage fee. So if you have a blog, and you want a makeover, consider using Verna. She does a fantastic job, and you know the money is going to a good cause! The fee is nominal too, for the wonderful job that she does. Check it out!

I was gonna do this thing that everyone else is doing where you post something on your blog every day for the month of November, but then I just didn't do it and now it is the third of November already and it's too late, right? Or I could start now. But I probably won't. Or I might. I'm undecided. And I suffer from mood swings. Anyhoo, I said I was gonna tell you about our plans for Thanksgiving, so I'll go ahead and do that. Last Thanksgiving sucked. It was the worst Thanksgiving ever. We had no money. We didn't go visit my sister(for the first time in ten years). I got food poisoning and threw up for like fours hours straight and had to call in sick the day before Thanksgiving and my boss was PISSED because she always took that day off and how DARE I become ill on her day off! Never mind the fact that I had just come off of a six month course of Prednisone because I had Kidney Disease and I had NO immune system to speak of. Yeah, I don't miss that job AT ALL. Anyway, it sucked. Big time. So I told my husband that next Thanksgiving was not going to suck. Not if I had anything to do with it! So my sister and I started tossing around ideas for what to do at Thanksgiving this year. I wanted to go back here. That Thanksgiving was simply magical. (It's Tahoe, by the way). Lisa and Scott decided they wanted to try someplace new. That's where we differ. Joe and I are the type of people that find something we like and feels comfortable, and we stick with it. Lisa and Scot are adventurous and stuff, and always want to try new things. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just different from us. So we decided to spend Thanksgiving out of the country! That's right. We're headed to Vancouver, Canada for Thanksgiving. I. Can. Not. Wait. Seriously, I am beyond excited. I haven't been there since I was a child. From what I have read and seen on the Internet, it is so beautiful there! I already have every day packed with things I want to do in the short time we are there. I'm not sure we will even be able to pack it all in! Of course, Joe has to go to the Art Museum. And with the kids, we have to go to the Aquarium. And I have to do this. Which is funny, because I am afraid of heights, but doesn't that just look so beautiful? But then there is this. And this. And this too. (We HAVE to do this. How can we not)? Oh, I don't know how we will be able to do it all. I need at least another week! I guess we'll have to make due with the time we have. But I am excited. Big time.


P.S. That was a lot of links. I don't blame you if you didn't click on them all. Totally understandable. I got slightly carried away.

Online Shower for Noah

Red Mary Janes is hosting an online baby shower for Verna's family. Verna is the one who did my blog makeover. And what a beautiful job she did! So go on over there and share the love with them as they prepare to bring their little(big) boy home.