Some days I really don't want to do these. I don't feel thankful. I feel sad. I feel angry. I feel like going into my bedroom and pulling the covers over my head and not coming out.
But then I force myself to think of something, any thing, just one thing that I could be thankful for and I end up thinking of a few things. So I guess that's good.
A few weeks ago I signed up for a blog swap, and the theme was "spooky". I sent my package off to my swap partner last week and then totally forgot about it until my package arrived yesterday. My swap partner really hooked me up and it was such a nice surprise to come home to yesterday. It really brightened my day.
I am thankful that people are still ordering banners from me. I have had three more custom orders in the last week and I have been working on those in the evenings and on my day off. It takes my mind of of things. Plus, I really love making things that other people will enjoy.
I am thankful for Halloween candy. I went and bought a big bag(even though we don't get any trick or treaters at our apartment) and I have been eating it all myself. It's one of the only things bringing me happiness right now. I'm not saying it's a healthy way to deal with my feelings, but it's working for me for now.
I'm thankful for all of the kind words that were left on my post from Monday. I cried for three days after writing that post(which I wrote last week). It seemed so final after I put it out there for everyone to read. It has been a long time coming and Joe and I have spent countless hours talking about it, both with each other and in counseling but to put it in writing made it very real to me. I have only just begun the grieving process.
I wanted to clarify that the reason we are pulling out of China has nothing to do with the wait. We would wait 3 more years if we had to. It is purely financial. We simply don't have the money required to follow through with an adoption. From China, or otherwise. I know that we could fund raise but I don't have a popular enough blog or the kind of following that kind of fundraising would require . Plus, it feels strange(to me) asking for (and taking money) from strangers.