12 years

Twelve years ago today my Mom died. I still miss her. A lot.

I know people who think I should have "gotten over it" or "moved on" by now.

And for the most part I have moved on. But I still miss her. Especially on this day.

And on her birthday. And Mother's Day. And Christmas, which she loved so much.

I don't think that ache will ever go away. She was my Mom, after all, and she's not here. And I wish she was.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Also a very sad day.

And that's how I have been feeling today.

Sad.

I will feel better tomorrow.




Miss you Mom.

Thank you so much for all of your good thoughts and prayers regarding my uncle.

 

I was able to go and see him for a few minutes last night, and although he was sleeping it gave me great comfort to be there, even for that short time.

Plus I got to spend some time with my cousins and my Aunt, and that is always a good time. Hopefully he will be able to be transferred to a hospital closer to his home later in the week and I can go see him then when he is awake and feeling better. He is in stable condition as of now. There is a long road of recovery ahead, but I am feeling much less anxious now that I have a little more information about his condition and having seen him.

 

I am exhausted. I got home late last night and wasn't able to get to sleep until after midnight. The alarm clock was not my friend this morning when it starting blaring at 6:00 a.m.

 

I literally dragged myself out of bed and was thanking God that I wear scrubs to work because there is no way I would have been able to throw together an outfit suitable for any other kind of job.

I had a hard enough time getting my hair and makeup done in time. (I seriously don't know why I bother with the makeup lately anyway. My allergies are so out of control from the winds and the fires that the minute I step out the door my nose is running and my eyes are watering and I wonder why I wasted the time putting it on in the first place).

 

Tomorrow it will have been 12 years since my Mom died. Being at the hospital last night brought a lot of those memories back, and not in a good way.

 

I don't have much planned for tomorrow. I hope to get to sleep in a bit, and then Joe and I have an appointment later in the afternoon. I need to finish a scrapbook I am working on for a friend's (rapidly)upcoming wedding, and I have to do a few things to get ready for a certain someone's 40^th birthday on Friday.

 

40! Where does the time go? Seriously!? This is the 21^st birthday I have helped celebrate with Joe.

 

He was lamenting to me the other day the fact that he could be 42 or 43 before he is a Dad and this is so not how he thought it would be way back when we started trying to start a family almost 7 years ago. Yup. I know exactly how he feels. Sigh.

 

Hopefully I can catch a nap on my lunch break. I am fading fast here, and it's only 10:00 a.m.!

Prayers Needed

My Dad just called and informed me that my Uncle had a stroke this afternoon while on the way to a wedding.

He is my only Uncle and I love him very much and am beside myself with worry.

I don't have many detail as of yet, but prayers would be appreciated. He is in intensive care right now so me going there wouldn't make much of a difference but I will for sure want to go and see him sometime in the week to see if he is alright.

My cousins are flying in from three different locations, so prayers for their safe trips would help also.

Earlier in the day I was bemoaning the many things in my life that aren't going the way I want right now and this really puts those things in perspective and has made me think about what's really important.

Please send good thoughts and prayers that he will be o.k. I am feeling extremely scared right now.

Thank you.

Memories

Like the corners of my mind......just kidding.

I have been posting tons of old pictures over on Facebook this weekend.

My friend DeAnn is to blame. She has been bringing in old pictures to work for the last two weeks.

It's fun to look back on some of those old memories, especially my "stable" days, but it also is making me a bit sad because my Mom is in a lot of them.

It's coming up on 12 years that she has been gone(on Wednesday). I can't believe how much I still miss her. Those pictures really brought it all back.

I can't post all of the pictures here because it takes too long(on Facebook you can upload whole albums in just a few minutes), but here's a few of my favorites so far.



Check out these babies:

Hee! Dude, my husband was HOT! He's still hot, but look at those "guns"! This was in 1990. I was 19 and he was 21. We had just gotten engaged and I wanted some engaement photos. There are more where he is fully clothed that I will post later.



Rockin' the acid washed denim jacket. Love the 90's!


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Here is my sister at the Senior Prom with her boyfriend Tom. 1989. I didn't go. Joe was in the Navy at the time and he was on watch that night and I didn't want him to have to ask for time off(which was hard to get). I don'tregret not going too much. Dances weren't really my thing back then.

This is my husband about two years before I met him. What a hippie huh? Of course by the time I met him he was in the military and they shaved all of that hair off. 1987.


Me with Cara. She was my show horse but I didn't own her. She was owned by my horse trainer. We went all the way to the number one ranking in the State and number three in the Nation on the show circuit. Man, I was skinny!!
1986

Posing with some of the trophies I had won. 1988.
Me with Sunny. I didn't own her either and only showed on her for a year.

My baby, Sandman. My one true love, before Joe came along :) This must have been around 1990. I had these pictures taken for the Rose Parade(which I rode in) and they put it on the front cover of their magazine that year. So cool!
The last Christmas my Mom was alive. 1995. She would have open heart surgery in June of that year and she died in October of 1996.
Formal night on a cruise my best friend Monica and I went on. 1996 0r '97.

Christmas card pictures from 2001.


I think that's enough for now. Maybe I'll post more later. I'm off to rummage through boxes and old photo albums!

Terra Cotta Warriors Exhibit at the Bower's Musem

Today Joe and I had the opportunity to go and check out the Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit at the Bower's museum, which is only 15 minutes away from our house.

It has been going on since May but I only just learned of it and since it is ending on October 16, I knew we had to go ASAP or we would miss it.

It truly was amazing. I was seriously bummed though, because they didn't allow any photographs inside the exhibit at all.

I wanted to take pictures so badly! I even set off one of the alarms they have around one of the exhibits because I was leaning in so close to get a look at one of the horses.

Oops! :) The detail is incredible. Other people did it too, okay?

The pictures above are from a G**gle search on the internet.

It really made me want to see them in China. A girl can dream right?

They also had another exhibit going on showcasing some of China's art.

Don't worry, the photographs that I did take were all taken in areas where it was allowed!

Because Joe is a college teacher, we were able to get a yearly membership, which included free tickets to the exhibit and free admission all year long. Score!

Bowers Museum Exhibit: Terra Cotta Warriors: Guardians of China’s First Emperor on display May 18, 2008 - Oct. 12, 2008

Bowers Museum in Santa Ana has experienced many "firsts" in the arts and collections world. This unique cultural museum is credited with bringing rare objects and treasures from around the globe to Southern California in never-seen presentations and touring exhibits on loan from cities and collectors worldwide. The latest such exhibit, Terra Cotta Warriors: Guardians of China’s First Emperor, will unveil 20 complete life-sized figures, the most ever to have left China, in a 120-object touring archive of rare artifacts over 2200 years old.

Only one of two museums in the United States to host this special display (the other is Houston Museum of Natural Science), guests will feast their eyes on life-size clay figures that includes warriors, battle garb, horses and items that tell a story of the formation of China today. Recently signing agreements with Chinese cultural officials in Xi’an, China, the exhibit will include the largest and most noteworthy collection of objects ever to travel from what many believe is the most significant archaeological discovery of the 20th century.

Court officials, acrobats and generals, half-sized bronze chariots and life-sized bronze animals that were found in what would have been gardens within the tomb complex belonging to China’s first emperor, Qin Shi Huang (259 – 210 B.C.,) shed light on one of the most important men in history. Unifying several separate warring states in 221 B.C., he established the foundation of China today. Among his many efforts was the construction of the 30-foot-high, 3,000-mile-long Great Wall of China to protect his empire.

Qin Shi Huang's heavily guarded tomb was surrounded by thousands of Terra Cotta Warriors and replicated an underground city. 500 tons of mercury flowing as rivers and a jeweled ceiling representing the heavens are portions of the tomb, most of which is unexplored.

Bowers Museum President Peter Keller said, "No previous exhibit from China has ever been allowed to include more than 20 ‘level one’ objects. We are bringing 51 ‘level one’ objects.” Previous significant exhibits have included Secret World of Forbidden City, and The Dead Sea Scrolls.

Voted Orange County, California's favorite museum for more than a decade, Bowers Museum is close to Disneyland Resorts, and features eight permanent and special exhibits.

Bowers Museum
2002 N. Main St.
Santa Ana, CA 92706
(714) 567-3600
www.bowers.org

Apple Picking

Today Joe and I went to Oak Glen to pick some apples and soak up some Fall goodness. We had such a great time. Picked apples, drank apple cider, and had some apple donuts(so. good.) Tomorrow I'm going to make homemade applesauce with all of the apples we picked. Yum!

Ready to go


It was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect!









I wanted to take these dogs home. They were sooooo sweet. The one in the front practically knocked me over trying to jump into my arms and cover my face with kisses. Loved him! (I tried to get a better picture but the sun was streaming right into the camera lens.

Apple doughnuts. These are so good. I bought some mix so I can make them at home. Dee-Lish!


Of course the day couldn't go by without a little drama :) Before we left I asked Joe to take a picture of me on the porch with my pumpkins. When we went out there, my pumpkins were gone!! Somebody stole my pumpkins! Right off of my front porch! I thought when my hanging flower basket was stolen, the thievery was done with. Apparently I was wrong. I am so mad! I wanted to put the rest of my Halloween decorations up and now I am afraid to because they might get stolen. I usually keep pumpkins on my front porch from October all the way through Thanksgiving. Now I don't know if I will be able to because I certainly am not going to keep buying them for some thief! Sheesh!

The other thing that happened is actually kind of funny, now that it's over with. After picking some apples, Joe had to go to the restroom. I felt like there was something in my shoe, so I sat down on (what looked like) freshly mowed grass to empty it out. As soon as I tried to get up I knew something was wrong. I felt a stinging sensation in my, uh, rear end region and the backs of my thighs. Upon closer inspection I noticed that my butt (and the backs of my thighs) was covered in cockleburs! (Trust me, I had to look it up to see what they were called). It was, in fact, not mowed grass, but a mowed cocklebur plant. Nice. I gingerly tried to remove them, but they kept pricking my fingers until they were bleeding. Joe came out of the restroom and helped me pick out the rest of them. When I went into the restroom and had a look-see, the backs of my thighs and my rear end were bleeding! And it hurt! A lot! Now I have a rash there and I am going to take a bath and see if that helps. Only to me would that happen. Next time I will do a closer inspection of where I sit down. For sure.

Walk for CHOC

I have decided to participate in Choc hospital's 5K walk at Disneyland on October 19th. I learned of it from Shelley last year and had every intention of joining her, but ended up falling down my sister's staircase and badly spraining my ankle. This year(barring any injuries between now and then :) I am very excited to participate!


The following is from the Choc website:

On October 19th, thousands of CHOC supporters will walk through the Disneyland Resort at the 18th Annual CHOC/Disneyland® Resort Walk in the Park. This event, which benefits Children’s Hospital of Orange County (CHOC) and CHOC at Mission, is sure to provide an unforgettable day of fun.

15,000 participants raised a record $1.6 million at last year’s Walk, which has helped to support the care, services, education and research that CHOC provides Orange County children. With your support, you help make sure that every child who is in need of care will be taken care of regardless of their family’s ability to pay.

Join us October 19th to support CHOC and CHOC at Mission and see first hand why there are “A Million Reasons to Walk!”


In order to participate in the walk I have to pledge to raise $50.00. Since we're a little low on funds right now, I was kind of hoping to get a little help from my friends(and family:). See that little button in my sidebar? To donate, all you have to do is click on it and it will walk you through the process of donating to my cause.

Even $5.00 would be greatly appreciated! I am only required to raise $50.00, but I have set my personal goal at $100. I would be thrilled with just $50.00 though. Heck, I'd be thrilled with ANY amount!

Thank you so much in advance!!!!!


You can read more about the walk and what a wonderful organization CHOC is here.

We interrupt this blog break

For a doctor's appt. update. I saw the nephrologist today. He sat down with me and went over all of my test results.

I am still liking this doctor. This has been a good switch for me.

Joe couldn't come with me because he had a class to teach(which he was very upset about. He usually comes to all of my doctor's appts. with me. He had missed a class last week due to the car troubles and couldn't miss another one so soon.)

The doctor reiterated what he had told me on the phone on Friday, which was that he is quite pleased with the results of my labs.

Everything looks good. The protein leak is at less than 1 gram. There was minimal blood in my urine. My kidney function looks good, and the creatanine levels are within normal ranges.

Even my cholesterol levels are good. Aside from the low thyroid, which he is treating with a higher dose of thyroid meds, everything looks good.

He doesn't need to see me again for three months. I told him I spend quite a bit of time worrying about the disease, fearful that it is going to get worse or my kidneys will start to decline rapidly.

He told me not to worry so much. He said that even with the damage that was done to my kidneys in the time I went undiagnosed(which could have been anywhere between 4-8 years), the situation has improved so much since my diagnosis in 2006 that he isn't concerned about it right now.

He told me to live my life. To enjoy it. To try not to worry about stuff so much, because it isn't good for my health and it won't change the outcome.

So that's what I'm going to do. Live my life. Enjoy it. And try not to sweat the small stuff(so much).

Including the issues we are having right now that prompted me to take a break. We're working through it. It is stressful. It isn't something that can be "fixed" quickly.
But I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that we are on the right track and that this does not continue to be an issue for us when we bring Sophie home.

There will have to be some major changes made. But I am confidant that we can do it. Together.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. They mean the world to me.

Now back to my break...................