I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I can't sleep.
I miss my sister. And my friends. I wish we could move closer to them. I really do. I don't have a lot of friends here that I can hang out with or even call when I am feeling down.
I wish my husband had a job. Sometimes I wonder if he ever will. I guess I need to accept the fact that if we stay in CA it could be a long while before he does. I'm trying to get used to this new "normal" but it's hard when we are barely getting by.
I have so many things that I need to do but I can't bring myself to do them. I need to take down that 36 months video. I can't watch it without crying and I find myself watching it often lately. I guess it's part of the grieving process.
I need to change my e-mail address. I can't very well have it saying "chinaadopter".
I need to think about what to do about this blog. Should I close it down and start a new one? Keep it the same and just change the name?
I want to open an Esty store but I am afraid. I went and looked at some of the other stores that sell papercrafts and banners like I have and they are all so professional looking. I don't feel like my stuff is as nice as theirs. (Low self esteem much?)
Tomorrow is my day off and I have a bazillion things I need to get done.
Christmas is coming and as usual I am not ready. We aren't buying presents this year(again). This really bums me out. I love Christmas shopping. I love choosing gifts for people and wrapping them up and giving them. I do have a few handmade items that I am planning to make and give. But I miss Christmas shopping. Heck I miss shopping in general. I am going to put up our tree this year though. In fact, I am going to decorate our tiny one bedroom apartment to the hilt. I love Christmas and I am going to enjoy it this year. Unlike last year. I just wanted it to be over and then it was over and I was upset that I didn't let myself enjoy it. But no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. It's just wrong. In fact I usually wait until two weeks before to start listening. For some reason most Christmas music makes me feel sad. Am I the only one who feels this way?
I don't like the time change. I don't have a particular reason, other than the fact that I just hate change period. I don't mind it getting dark early so much as it hasn't really changed what I do in the evenings. Come home from work, make dinner, watch t.v, veg on the couch. I have started using my Wii Fit again so the time change hasn't really affected my exercise. I am loving riding my bike though and I'll only be able to do it on my day off and the weekends now. I do love getting up when it is light out. It was pitch black when my alarm was going off before the time change.
I guess I am just feeling a little blue after having such a fabulous weekend and then having to go back to real life. Re-entry is hard!
And now I should probably get off the computer and try and get some sleep. Insomnia has been hitting me hard the last 2 nights and I am exhausted. Yet I can't sleep. It is maddening.