Random

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I can't sleep.

I miss my sister.  And my friends.  I wish we could move closer to them.  I really do.  I don't have a lot of friends here that I can hang out with or even call when I am feeling down.

I wish my husband had a job.  Sometimes I wonder if he ever will.  I guess I need to accept the fact that if we stay in CA it could be a long while before he does.  I'm trying to get used to this new "normal" but it's hard when we are barely getting by.

I have so many things that I need to do but I can't bring myself to do them.  I need to take down that 36 months video.  I can't watch it without crying and I find myself watching it often lately.  I guess it's part of the grieving process.

I need to change my e-mail address.  I can't very well have it saying "chinaadopter".  

I need to think about what to do about this blog.  Should I close it down and start a new one?  Keep it the same and just change the name?

I want to open an Esty store but I am afraid.  I went and looked at some of the other stores that sell papercrafts and banners like I have  and they are all so professional looking.  I don't feel like my stuff is as nice as theirs.  (Low self esteem much?)

Tomorrow is my day off and I have a bazillion things I need to get done.

Christmas is coming and as usual I am not ready.  We aren't buying presents this year(again).  This really bums me out.  I love Christmas shopping.  I love choosing gifts for people and wrapping them up and giving them.  I do have a few handmade items that I am planning to make and give.  But I miss Christmas shopping.  Heck I miss shopping in general.  I am going to put up our tree this year though.  In fact, I am going to decorate our tiny one bedroom apartment to the hilt.  I love Christmas and I am going to enjoy it this year. Unlike last year.  I just wanted it to be over and then it was over and I was upset that I didn't let myself enjoy it.  But no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving.  It's just wrong.  In fact I usually wait until two weeks before to start listening.  For some reason most Christmas music makes me feel sad.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

I don't like the time change.  I don't have a particular reason, other than the fact that I just hate change period.  I don't mind it getting dark early so much as it hasn't really changed what I do in the evenings.  Come home from work, make dinner, watch t.v, veg on the couch.  I have started using my Wii Fit again so the time change hasn't really affected my exercise.  I am loving riding my bike though and I'll only be able to do it on my day off and the weekends now.  I do love getting up when it is light out.  It was pitch black when my alarm was  going off before the time change.

I guess I am just feeling a little blue after having such a fabulous weekend and then having to go back to real life.  Re-entry is hard!

And now I should probably get off the computer and try and get some sleep.  Insomnia has been hitting me hard the last 2 nights and I am exhausted.  Yet I can't sleep.  It is maddening.