Tuesday, November 09, 2010


I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I can't sleep.

I miss my sister.  And my friends.  I wish we could move closer to them.  I really do.  I don't have a lot of friends here that I can hang out with or even call when I am feeling down.

I wish my husband had a job.  Sometimes I wonder if he ever will.  I guess I need to accept the fact that if we stay in CA it could be a long while before he does.  I'm trying to get used to this new "normal" but it's hard when we are barely getting by.

I have so many things that I need to do but I can't bring myself to do them.  I need to take down that 36 months video.  I can't watch it without crying and I find myself watching it often lately.  I guess it's part of the grieving process.

I need to change my e-mail address.  I can't very well have it saying "chinaadopter".  

I need to think about what to do about this blog.  Should I close it down and start a new one?  Keep it the same and just change the name?

I want to open an Esty store but I am afraid.  I went and looked at some of the other stores that sell papercrafts and banners like I have  and they are all so professional looking.  I don't feel like my stuff is as nice as theirs.  (Low self esteem much?)

Tomorrow is my day off and I have a bazillion things I need to get done.

Christmas is coming and as usual I am not ready.  We aren't buying presents this year(again).  This really bums me out.  I love Christmas shopping.  I love choosing gifts for people and wrapping them up and giving them.  I do have a few handmade items that I am planning to make and give.  But I miss Christmas shopping.  Heck I miss shopping in general.  I am going to put up our tree this year though.  In fact, I am going to decorate our tiny one bedroom apartment to the hilt.  I love Christmas and I am going to enjoy it this year. Unlike last year.  I just wanted it to be over and then it was over and I was upset that I didn't let myself enjoy it.  But no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving.  It's just wrong.  In fact I usually wait until two weeks before to start listening.  For some reason most Christmas music makes me feel sad.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

I don't like the time change.  I don't have a particular reason, other than the fact that I just hate change period.  I don't mind it getting dark early so much as it hasn't really changed what I do in the evenings.  Come home from work, make dinner, watch t.v, veg on the couch.  I have started using my Wii Fit again so the time change hasn't really affected my exercise.  I am loving riding my bike though and I'll only be able to do it on my day off and the weekends now.  I do love getting up when it is light out.  It was pitch black when my alarm was  going off before the time change.

I guess I am just feeling a little blue after having such a fabulous weekend and then having to go back to real life.  Re-entry is hard!

And now I should probably get off the computer and try and get some sleep.  Insomnia has been hitting me hard the last 2 nights and I am exhausted.  Yet I can't sleep.  It is maddening.


Laura said...

Hugs to you! I vote that you keep the blog and change the name. I vote that you not give up hope, but I know you've been through a lot and you must move on.

Btw, when I saw your picture of you next to your bike, I thought you looked fabulous!!

And I think your homemade gifts are wonderful. I understand about missing the Christmas shopping, but your gifts are very, very nice. Don't be afraid to open and etsy store or maybe look into a weekend craft show or see if a boutique might be interested in showing your stuff.

I always feel down this time of year because of the lack of sunlight making the days seem so short.

Rhonda said...

Well, I think life after a fun weekend that you have been looking forward to for long time can be a natural downer.

As someone who has bought one of your banners and is anxiously awaiting another, I say go for the Etsy shop! They are lovely banners and it might be fun to just try.

And no, too much Xmas music makes me feel melancholy too. My kids favorite Xmas song is Heat Miser/Cold Miser by Big Voodoo Daddy. That one is fun! Download it and I promise it won't make you feel sad.

Hang in there Michelle!