Love is in the Air

It's been awhile since I did a hearts-in-nature post for the blog.  Mostly because I kind of exhausted my resources and couldn't find new ones.  I found a couple more this year that I don't believe I have posted before.  

Even after all these years I have only been able to spot my own heart in nature once(it was a potato in the shape of a heart). Well the other day after it had rained I was sitting at my desk eating lunch, looking out the window at the clouds and there was a perfect heart shape in the sky.  I ran to grab my phone to take a picture but it was windy and it didn't look like a heart by the time I got back.  

So I suppose you'll have to settle for the ones I found on the Internet.  The clouds have always been my favorite of all the nature hearts I have found over the years. 

Happy heart day!

Life is good

I've been through a lot of hard times in my lifetime.

A lot of heartache.  

So.   Much.   Heartache.  

I've been pushed to the breaking point mentally due to depression and crappy circumstance.

Slowly, slowly I pulled myself out of that.  For the first time in my life I started putting ME first, even if it hurt other people(including my husband). 

I worked my ass off.  I learned to take care of myself, without depending on another person for my well being and happiness.  

 As a result, I have a good job(that I fought for).  Is it annoying and difficult at times?  Yes.  (Aren't most jobs?)

I have a wonderful family who is in good health. 

I have loyal friends. Friends who are supportive.  Who truly care how I am.   Some in-real-life and some virtual. I have had virtual friends who have reached out to me with a kind word, a virtual hug, and even gift cards to help me through difficult times in my life.  (You know who you are.  Thank you.   A million times over,  thank you).  At times my virtual friends have been more supportive than my in-real-life friends.  

I have a marriage that has stood the test of time(21 years in Feb), as imperfect as it is, with a man who still makes me laugh every  day.  

I guess what I'm saying is, for the first time in a very long time life is good for me. 

So very good.   

And I am enjoying it so much.    

For the first time in my life I feel lucky.  Blessed.  

There were times when I thought I would never feel this way.  (Ever).  Happiness was for other people. 

Not for me.  

I'm so happy to finally be happy.  Truly grateful.   

P.S. 

I used to hate people like me.  People who spewed happiness wherever they went.  People who always looked at the positive instead of talking about the negative(like, ever).  I have always been a glass half empty kind of girl and I've always laid it all out there.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  (There has been a lot of bad and ugly over the years).  

I've always been very open about the hard times.  About the depression. Sometimes too much so.  I'm not going to defend those times when I was focused on the negative, or apologize for them.  

Because you know what?  When you are going through *extremely* tough times, that last for years, it is very very difficult to focus on the positive. When every month things get worse instead of better and you lose everything you have it's hard to even see the positive in your life.  And it's even hard to read or hear about others who are insanely happy(or only put that part of their life out there). 

I guess what I'm saying is that I get that.  I truly get it. 

 I hope my happiness isn't making others feel isolated and sad.  I'll never, ever forget those times.  They made me who I am today.  

I'm hoping that anyone stuck in those hard times can catch a break.  I hope you have supportive friends to lift you up when life is kicking you so hard you can't breathe.    

I hope things get easier for you soon.  

Because we all deserve a little happiness.  

Over it.

I'm over it again, but in a good way.  I'm out of my funk.   It passed pretty quickly.  Turns out all I needed was a weekend..funny how that can do wonders for you.   

And what a great weekend it was.  Had a great ride on Saturday with my friend. Having two horses to ride rocks!  I was having to ride alone before.   Then she and her husband invited us to stay for dinner and we had a wonderful time.   

Sunday it was football, football, football.   One of our teams didn't win but they were still good games.  I only watch football two times a year.  The championships and the Super Bowl.  

I also got a lot of crafting done.  I've been making some cute little heart banners for some of the littles in my life. Can't wait to send them out. 

I also got completely caught up on my project life books.  What's that, you ask?  It's just a form of scrapbooking that is very popular right now.  It's so quick and easy and I'm loving it.   It's been five years since I got my pictures off of the computer and into a scrapbook. I'm having fun with it.  

I scrapped all of the holidays so far.  The idea is actually to keep a running scrapbook and do pages for each week of the year.  I don't know if I can commit to that for a whole year but I finished the first three weeks on Sunday so I'm off to a good start.  I'm using all of my instagram photos and using the iphone printer my seester got me for Christmas.  If I need to print more than a few I print them directly from my phone to walgreens.  Easy!

I'm using a mini book for my weekly pages and a larger book for everything else.  I'm not sure I could fill a large page with the mundane activities of my every day life.  Heck, filling a small book is a stretch.   I'm don't live that interesting of a life.   

Today I was not feeling well physically and had to leave work early.  I hate that.  I've been having a lot of stomach troubles lately.  It may be time to see another gastroenterologist.    Tonight's dinner consisted of chicken broth and saltines.  Thankfully I am feeling much better.   That was awful. 

I've been looking into something exciting but I'm afraid to post about it here because I don't want to jinx if and if it doesn't happen I'll be disappointed. 

 Well, I'll be disappointed regardless.  I try not to think too much about things until I know enough details about something to get excited, but more often than not I start thinking about how great things would be if they worked out a certain way. I do tend to get ahead of myself at times.  

We will see.  

 I'm being very cryptic. I know.  Sorry.   

Hopefully I'll know more in a couple of days.  

Over it

I'm just not feeling it this week.  And by "it", I mean everything.  

I'm over this dry, windy weather and the Santa Ana winds.  I feel like I'm going to shrivel up I'm so dry.  Thank goodness I work at a place that has unlimited lotion.  Lol. 

I'm over people being jerks because they have to give us their insurance card because it's a new year(really?)

I'm over the stress of my job and how they keep piling stuff on us even though we are overloaded already.  Thank god for my awesome co-workers.  They make it bearable.  

I'm over the amount of protein in my urine and the effect of that on my kidney disease.  

I'm over not being able to fall asleep and how tired I'm going to be tomorrow because of it.  

I'm over people who only care about "business" with no regard to human compassion.  

I'm over the place that I'm living in.  I'm ready to move on but can't get there quite yet.  

I'm in a funk and I hate it because I have been feeling so good lately. 

Blah.  

Everyone has bad days and I know this will pass.  Maybe I just needed to get it out.  

Tomorrow is Friday and we get off early on Fridays.  What's  not to be happy about that?  

Yay for early Fridays.

And drug reps that bring us Jamba Juice. 

And weekends.  

And beautiful weather.  

And horseback rides with friends.  

Hopefully all I need is the weekend to recharge and I'll be back to my happy self on Monday.  

Happy Birthday to me

Well, and to my Sees-ter too, seeing as though it's her birthday too.  (Still singing the Beatles song every chance I got his weekend.  It never gets old).

So it's my birthday.  The big 4  3.  

I don't always love my birthdays.  Thirty five was a tough one for me.  We had been trying to get pregnant for a long time and it wasn't happening and I was sad.  

Forty wasn't great either.  We had been waiting on our adoption for four years and had just found out it was probably over and I was, well, sad.  

Last year I had strep throat on my birthday(and my husband and I were separated).  I was yet again sad. 

Are you sensing a theme here? I've had a lot of sadness over the years associated with birthdays.  Actually, in my life in general.   

But this year?   

I'm not sad.  In fact I am extremely happy. I've spent too many birthdays being sad.  I'm not going to do that anymore.  

I'm going to celebrate the fact that I turned another year older.  Birthdays are a gift denied to many.  

The celebrations started Friday at work. 

The girls at my work(especially my boss) made Friday such a great day.  Cake, balloons, presents. Joe even brought me flowers, even though my birthday wasn't until today.  So sweet.  

My boss got me this fabulous headband(why yes I did wear it all day long.  Why do you ask?  Lol). 

Love my job and the girls I work with!

I got some really wonderful gifts this year too.  

We went to Ikea on Wednesday to pick up one of them.   

I'm going to start keeping a scrapbook again.  Living in such a small space I don't have the room to craft like I want to.  I got this cute little cart to hold all of my scrapbook stuff.  I love it! Joe put it together for me. 

Here it is with most of my stuff in it.  

It's so cute and it fits perfectly in the corner of my room.  Love!

I also got some project life scrapbooking supplies to help me get started.  

We found this cute apothecary  jar at the grocery store for 75% off and I claimed it as one of my birthday gifts too. 

The person in the floral department said it was on sale because it was Christmas themed but it looks kind of valentine-ish to me.  It's filled with pink confetti and little rose soaps.  I think they may have made a mistake on that one.  

It's so cute!

My sees-ter got me some lovely things too, and she says that two more are still coming!  

I got this cute little purse and cool bracelet, with some lip gloss and a fun twirly scarf. 

Yesterday I had lunch with my dad. 

Today I went horseback riding with a friend, and dinner and cake later.  

Such a pretty cake we chose too. 

My sister made these trays for us to give out as Christmas gifts and I liked them so much I kept one. 

I celebrated for three whole days and it was awesome. 

Best.  Birthday.  Ever.  

Life is good.  I am blessed beyond belief.  

43 is going to be a great year. 

Year in review

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to post a youtube video from my ipad .   I wanted this to be on my blog as well as fb so here's the link:

Year in review

Just a quick video of some of the highlights of 2013.