The Post in Which I Couldn't Think of an Appropriate Title

I have been struggling with this here blog lately.

You probably couldn't tell, because I have been making an extra effort the last few weeks to keep things upbeat and positive around here and less gloom and doom.

Sometimes I have a tendency to focus on the gloom and doom.

That comes as a surprise to many of you, I'm sure ;)

The truth is that the last few months have been very good. Yes, we still have have problems and issues that we are dealing with. Everyone does.

But for the most part life has been good. We're getting by. My health is good. Our marriage is good. My job is good.

I was just starting to get to the point where I was worrying less about stuff and trying to enjoy more of my life instead of being stressed out most of the time.

Of course you know this is the part of the story where everything goes to H** in a hand basket, right?

Except it isn't a story. It's my life.

It started last week when I found out that I was going to lose my health insurance at my job.

Budget cuts. I didn't mention it here(although I did have a mini meltdown over on Facebook about it) because I was trying to keep up the positive vibe over here, and also I promised myself
I am not going to worry so much.

And no, I cannot go on my husband's insurance because he doesn't have any right now. His part time job does provide health insurance but he was not eligible at first and in the meantime we missed the enrollment period. So this development had me a teeny bit panicked. I have a major disease. I cannot be without insurance.

But my husband and I talked about it and we agreed we could probably find a way to afford CO.BRA for few months until we got things situated at his job with his insurance.

I soldiered on, telling myself to think positively and everything would be okay and we would work it out.

Then yesterday my husband got up to go to the first day of the new classes at (one of) the colleges he teaches at. Before he could leave he got a phone call from the Dean of the college. The Dean was calling to tell him that his 2 classes had been given to a full time instructor due to budget cuts and low enrollment.

He came to my work and told me. I was in shock. And scared. Those classes represent half of our monthly pay. How would we get by without it?

Then he went on to tell me that he had received an e-mail from the other college he teaches at later in the day, and it said the same thing. Both of his classes were given to a full time instructor because of low enrollment.

My husband is out of a job. Effective immediately. Completely and totally out of work. He has no other schools to fall back on.

The only sources of income we have now are the one that comes from my job, and his part time job that he works at night.

Neither of these is enough to cover our rent and monthly expenses.

After hearing all of this information and letting it digest for a spell, I did what any normal person would do in this situation.

I went into full freak out mode. Now keep in mind that I found out this information while I was at work, and aside from shedding a few tiny tears when my co-workers found out what was wrong, I managed to hold it together until the end of the work day.

So I should say I waited until 5:01 p.m. yesterday before I went into full freak out mode.

It started on the phone with my husband in the car on the way home and continued when I got home and into most of the night. I even forgot to eat dinner. That's how much I was freaking out. We're talking hyperventilating here. There was crying. Lots of crying. And asking of questions like "What are we going to do"?, which my husband had no answers for.

I cried myself to sleep last night. Today was my day off and when I woke up(with red, swollen eyes) I laid in bed for awhile pondering the situation when suddenly I came to a realization.

You know what?

All that freaking out? The worrying and the stressing and the crying?

It isn't going to help the situation. Not one bit. Not even a little.

So I have decided that I'm not going to do it. Okay, maybe that's a little ambitious. I'm going to try very hard not to do it.

And once I made that decision I felt a sense of peace wash over me. That doesn't mean I am going to be cool as a cucumber at all times during this period. It just means I am not going to waste my energy on things that won't help the situation.

And just because I have decided not to freak out about this doesn't mean I'm not scared. Because I am. Really scared.

We could use your thoughts and prayers during the next several months as my husband looks for another job and we figure out our living arrangements(if it comes to that).





Tomorrow my husband will go to the unemployment office and see if he qualifies. The last time his classes were canceled he was told that he did not qualify because he was considered a "temporary employee"(they call it "adjunct") and also because he had a part time job that was providing some income(as is the case now).

****I am very angry at the way our state community colleges treat their adjunct faculty(disposing of them like trash when they don't need them after 8 years of employment), but that is a post best left for another time.*****

Lastly, that song that's playing? My theme song right now. For sure.