Friday, January 16, 2009

So you know the plan that I mentioned in my last post? The one about staying calm and not freaking out because it wouldn't help the situation?

Yeah, that lasted about a day. Since then? I have done nothing but freak out.

Last night at 3:30 in the morning when my husband came to bed and I got up to go to the bathroom we started fighting.

Or I should say I started a fight with him.

At 3:30 in the morning.

We live in an apartment. With upstairs neighbors.

Sometimes I can be a bit nutty.

So after fighting with my husband in the wee hours of the morning I went out and cried, I mean slept, on the couch.

Except there wasn't a whole lot of sleeping going on.

So yeah, I have been up since 3:30 this morning. Which means I should be very, very tired right now but as you can see I am not. Because it is 10:45 p.m. at night and here I am, posting to my blog.

See what I mean?

Nutty.

Today was not good. I cried on the way to work. Then I fixed my makeup as best I could and pretended everything was okay.

But then I cried on my lunch break.

But then I fixed my makeup once again and pretended everything was okay. That's one of the reasons I love my job. I work with a very good friend and we were very busy and I find it is easy to keep my mind off of things.

But then I had to come home.

And think about stuff.

More crying.

I have been looking for another place for us to live. I know it seems hasty but we can't afford the rent that we're paying now if Joe is on unemployment or can't find a job in the next month and a half.

More crying.

I don't want to move.

I really don't want to move.

I hope we don't have to move.

I think I'm gonna go cry some more.

One of my New year's resolutions was to give up the sleeping aide that I had been taking.

I guess I can say I lasted 16 days.

I tried.


Thank you so much for the wonderful, supportive comments and e-mails. A couple of them made me cry. Where would I be without you people? Seriously? Where?

10 comments:

Rhonda said...

I'm so sorry that this happened, I wish I had something brilliant to say...or a magic wand.

Sending good thoughts your way...

*hugs*

Michele said...

So sorry that this has happened. It makes us wonder why some are tested more than others. I hope that things work out for both of you and that this is just a bad memory of the past. Stay strong and lean on each other.
Michele

Briana's Mom said...

Sorry doesn't seem to be a big enough word to say to you right now. I am just going saying a prayer for you both right now.

Teena said...

Michelle, I'm just catching up on your blog and I'm so sorry that all this bad stuff is happening to you and Joe right now. I hope he finds something soon. For the teeny bit it's worth, I think I remember reading that some part-time jobs, even, pay health insurance to the employees and their families. Starbucks, Walgreens and UPS are among those who used to do that, and might still do it. UPS, for sure, not so sure about Starbucks and Walgreens. Anyway...hugs to you and I hope things work out quickly so you don't have to be stressed.

Rosie said...

Its so stressful for so many people at the moment,bloody greedy banks have caused all this but I do believe this year will be more positive..honest.
Love the new look of the blog.

Rosie said...

Michelle,I just read about the Health Insurance.I hate the way that the US do their health system.In the UK your treatment would be FREE.You WOULD NEVER have to worry about getting healthcare.We have the NHS and we all pay for it in our wages and then its FREE for all.Its a brilliant system and I can't for the life of me understand why the US don't have this system..crazy.
Also in the UK it would be very rare for a teacher or lecturer to lose their job.It seems so unfair.You need to move to the UK.
Thinking of you.
BIG MASSIVE HUGS.

redmaryjanes said...

Oh my word Michelle, I have read your last two posts. You just hang in there honey. There is nowhere to go from here but up. You will be in my prayers.
Big Hugs!

3D said...

I have no real words that can help ease your pain and worry.

I hope the sun shines again. And soon.

Keep smilin!

Kayce said...

Oh Michelle I'm so sad for you right now. Please know that both of you have been in my constant prayers.

OH MY #6 said...

Hi Michelle,

Try and take strength from the support you are receiving. It is all in the attitude girlfriend. And, I know it is in there somewhere. I have seen it. And, I saw it just a few weeks ago.

You have lots of routing for you.

Lea
xo