So you know the plan that I mentioned in my last post? The one about staying calm and not freaking out because it wouldn't help the situation?

Yeah, that lasted about a day. Since then? I have done nothing but freak out.

Last night at 3:30 in the morning when my husband came to bed and I got up to go to the bathroom we started fighting.

Or I should say I started a fight with him.

At 3:30 in the morning.

We live in an apartment. With upstairs neighbors.

Sometimes I can be a bit nutty.

So after fighting with my husband in the wee hours of the morning I went out and cried, I mean slept, on the couch.

Except there wasn't a whole lot of sleeping going on.

So yeah, I have been up since 3:30 this morning. Which means I should be very, very tired right now but as you can see I am not. Because it is 10:45 p.m. at night and here I am, posting to my blog.

See what I mean?

Nutty.

Today was not good. I cried on the way to work. Then I fixed my makeup as best I could and pretended everything was okay.

But then I cried on my lunch break.

But then I fixed my makeup once again and pretended everything was okay. That's one of the reasons I love my job. I work with a very good friend and we were very busy and I find it is easy to keep my mind off of things.

But then I had to come home.

And think about stuff.

More crying.

I have been looking for another place for us to live. I know it seems hasty but we can't afford the rent that we're paying now if Joe is on unemployment or can't find a job in the next month and a half.

More crying.

I don't want to move.

I really don't want to move.

I hope we don't have to move.

I think I'm gonna go cry some more.

One of my New year's resolutions was to give up the sleeping aide that I had been taking.

I guess I can say I lasted 16 days.

I tried.


Thank you so much for the wonderful, supportive comments and e-mails. A couple of them made me cry. Where would I be without you people? Seriously? Where?