This is not a happy post. I had a tough weekend. Skip it if you want to.
You know that phrase "Good Things Come to Those Who Wait?"
Lately I find that I strongly dislike that phrase(I am trying not to hate things. I strongly dislike them instead).
There are so many things that I have been waiting on in the last few months.
I am tired of waiting. I'm ready for the good things to come already.
A few things I am sick to death of waiting for:
I'm tired of waiting for Joe's unemployment check. It has been 11 weeks since he filed for unemployment. Aside from a form stating they have received his application, we have heard nothing. We can't afford to wait much longer.
I am tired of waiting for Joe to find a job. He needs to find something. Anything. Now.
I am tired of having no money. We are living on the least amount of money we have ever lived on in our entire marriage(seriously). Less than when Joe was a student. It sucks. I just want to go to Tar.get and throw things aimlessly in the cart without having the calculator on my phone on, adding up the totals like I have to do now when I go grocery shopping. Heck, I wish I could just go to Tar.get, period. I don't even step foot in the place because I know I can't buy anything.
I am tired of staying up until all hours of the night worrying about how we're going to pay the bills, where we're going to move, and how we are going to update our adoption paperwork with the income that we currently have and my husband having neither a job nor health insurance.
I am tired of sharing a car with my husband(yes, my husband's car is on the fritz again. Don't ask.)
I'm tired of all of the holidays that keep coming and going without a child in our lives. I love seeing the pictures of all of my friend's kids dressed in their Easter dresses at their Easter egg hunts but I want to post a picture of Me, with my kid, in her Easter dress. I have serious doubts that day will ever come. Another Mother's Day is just around the corner and I am dreading it already. Mother's Day for an infertile person who has lost their Mother is not a fun day at all.
I am tired of crying myself to sleep at night.
I am tired of waiting.
Very very tired.