Monday, April 13, 2009

Manic Monday

This is not a happy post. I had a tough weekend. Skip it if you want to.

You know that phrase "Good Things Come to Those Who Wait?"

Lately I find that I strongly dislike that phrase(I am trying not to hate things. I strongly dislike them instead).

There are so many things that I have been waiting on in the last few months.

I am tired of waiting. I'm ready for the good things to come already.

A few things I am sick to death of waiting for:

I'm tired of waiting for Joe's unemployment check. It has been 11 weeks since he filed for unemployment. Aside from a form stating they have received his application, we have heard nothing. We can't afford to wait much longer.

I am tired of waiting for Joe to find a job. He needs to find something. Anything. Now.

I am tired of having no money. We are living on the least amount of money we have ever lived on in our entire marriage(seriously). Less than when Joe was a student. It sucks. I just want to go to Tar.get and throw things aimlessly in the cart without having the calculator on my phone on, adding up the totals like I have to do now when I go grocery shopping. Heck, I wish I could just go to Tar.get, period. I don't even step foot in the place because I know I can't buy anything.

I am tired of staying up until all hours of the night worrying about how we're going to pay the bills, where we're going to move, and how we are going to update our adoption paperwork with the income that we currently have and my husband having neither a job nor health insurance.

I am tired of sharing a car with my husband(yes, my husband's car is on the fritz again. Don't ask.)

I'm tired of all of the holidays that keep coming and going without a child in our lives. I love seeing the pictures of all of my friend's kids dressed in their Easter dresses at their Easter egg hunts but I want to post a picture of Me, with my kid, in her Easter dress. I have serious doubts that day will ever come. Another Mother's Day is just around the corner and I am dreading it already. Mother's Day for an infertile person who has lost their Mother is not a fun day at all.

I am tired of crying myself to sleep at night.

I am tired of waiting.

Very very tired.


Lea said...

xo my friend.


Snowflowers Mum said...

call me...I've been there. I hate that saying sucks, people don't get it...they don't understand.

If you need an ear to whine to, bitch, moan, me...I'm a sponge!

until then


Jill said...

Sending some extra thoughts and prayers your way Michelle.
Love ya girl, hang in there....

Tracy, Amelia and Jack said...

I hope you are the end of your bad luck streak. I hope you get your little girl sooner rather than later....China really needs to just speed it up again, enough already!!

On the positive side, think of what a whopper of a check you are going to get once that unemployment check gets there!!

Briana's Mom said...

I wish I had the right words to comfort you. I hope things look up for you very soon.

Journeywoman said...


Regarding the unemployment check, go to . Find your congressperson. Call their office and ask about the unemployment check. Call your senator's office and do the same exact thing. Keep calling them.

Regarding the holidays without a kid, I am SO with you there.


M3 said...

Oh I SO sympathize with the holidays (especially Mother's Day) while waiting. Ugh. Hard, hard, hard... Sending huge hugs.

2china4S said...

Michelle, we are sending positive thoughts your way. I remember so well P and I being ridiculed because we were depressed about the wait. Holidays are so tough when you do not have your child. It is worse when people do not understand. Call if you need to talk, b*tch or gripe. Hugs.

Jenna said...

I am sorry that you guys are having such a tough time. That is so much to deal with. I will keep you in my prayers. I wish there was more I could do. I hate mothers day... I dread it... I was also infertile for years who lost my mom. I don't know if I will ever celebrate mother's day. I think it will be one sunday I will always miss in church so I don't have to deal with all the mother stuff.

Carrie said...

So sorry, life sucks right now I can totaly agree with you. I will only say this and you can shot me if ya want to but "things could be worse". My sister who has a very rare skin disease all of her life tells me this all the time. I call her to vent and cry and she listens and prays with me and at the end she says "Sissy it could be worse". She says even though I have no life no boyfriend no car no job no friends I am 21 years old living with my mom until I die. I could be in a wheel cahir eating out of a tube in my stomach. So then I feel like crap that I called and pray for her instead of myself. I have no idea why I am telling you this but I felt like I should. I have never been in your situation but I hope and I will pray for you that things will turn around for you guys. you can always email me if you need to talk. It helps me alot to talk about the crap that is floating around here.

Debz said...

Bug hugs...I hear you with the Mothers day coming up again.....I think I'm going to plan something for that day to spoil myself....a nice long theraputic massage or something...