Bullets

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head right now.  I think I will dump them here.  Lucky you.    :)

--I have not been feeling well.  For at least a couple of months.  Severe headaches.  Tired (more so than usual).  I have noticed some blood in my urine the last week or so.  Not good.  It can only mean one thing: that my kidney disease is rearing it's ugly head, after almost four years of remission.  This is so overwhelming for me right now.  So much so that I have put off calling my nephrologist.  I am due for a checkup.  I have been since December.  I don't know how the time slips by so quickly, but it seems to do so much more quickly when I am in denial.  The headaches and the tiredness I can ignore for the most part but not the blood in my urine.  I have scheduled an appointment for a couple of weeks from now but I am feeling very anxious about it.  Ugh. Plus I know he is going to give me a hard time about my weight (in a very kind manner.  He is a wonderful doctor).  I am under no delusion that I am at a healthy weight right now.  I own both a scale and a mirror.  It's not pretty.

--My husband still doesn't have a job.  I have tried many times to write about it but I find myself at a loss for words.  I wonder if he will find a job if we stay in the city we live in.  We simply don't have the money to move though, unless there is a job offer.  He has tried applying in other states but there have been no such offers thus far.  I have so much anger and resentment over the whole situation that I find myself crying a lot.  I don't know if it's productive but it seems to be my only coping mechanism right now. I wonder sometimes if we will ever have a sense of normalcy again.

Well that was depressing.  Sorry about that.

--Our downstairs neighbors insist on blaring music a few hours each day.  It drives me crazy.  We have lived in this apartment complex for 12 years and we have never had this problem before. Possibly because we live upstairs now.  It also seems like since we moved from the very front of the apartment complex to the very back our neighbors in general are more noisy.  We kind of have to let it go during the day but as soon as it gets to be one minute past 10:00 p.m Joe goes down there and tells them to knock it off.  I'm sure we are not their favorite people.  Too bad.

--I have had 5 necklace orders in the last 5 days.  I am waiting on an order of supplies before I can get started on them.  It is supposed to arrive tomorrow or Friday and then I can get them made and in the mail.  It only takes me a half hour or so to make them.  I'm just so grateful people want to buy the things I make.  It's kind of surreal.

--I am loving American Idol this year.  I have to say I don't miss Simon as much as I thought I would.  Although these judges are really good at blowing sunshine, even when they shouldn't.  Last night I was scratching my head thinking "Did they just hear the same thing I did?" They need someone in there to tell the truth.  I stil miss Paula though.  None of the new judges bring the crazy like she did.  I do have to say I was not that impressed with the guy's performances last night.  Except for Casey.  Love him.  I hope the girls do better but judging from the posts I am seeing on FB it doesn't seem so.

--My sister is coming to visit this weekend, so I have been looking forward to that.  We always have a good time and we are going to get to see people that we haven't seen in a long time, so that should be fun.

That was all over the place.  Brain dump.  Sometimes it's good for me to do that once in awhile.