So it's here.
Referral day. What once was a day that we joyfully anticipated is now a day we have been dreading for the last two years.
But it's here. I wasn't fully prepared for the extent of the emotions I am feeling.
I want to lay down and cry. Curl up in a ball and sleep all day until the pain subsides.
I asked joe how he was feeling. I was expecting my English professor husband to come up with something eloquent and touching to say(as he often does). Instead he turned to me and said "this sucks ass". He made me laugh out loud with that comment, which was exactly what I needed right now.
Maybe now we can move on.
Let go of this aching pain in our hearts and really move on.
I hope so.
I truly hope so.
Tonight we went to the beach. We wrote her name in the sand and we watched the water wash it away. I cried my eyes out. We watched the sun set and drove home.
I won't lay down and cry. I will do the exact opposite. I will get out of the house. I will exercise. We will find ways to keep ourselves occupied until the pain and rawness dissipate.
And I will try to remember that this too shall pass.
I'm so sorry Sophie. I hope you and your forever family find each other. I will carry you with me always.