I deactivated my Facebook account. Facebook takes up a lot of my time. More than I care to admit.
It's just too hard right now. People have referrals. They are celebrating and making travel plans and we........aren't.
I get up and go to work every day. I come "home"(this place will never be my home) and exercise(most days), I go grocery shopping, make dinner. Take a shower, watch a TV show or two, check fb, go to bed and start all over. We like to joke at work that every day is like groundhog's day(love that movie).
Except that at this point in my life I had hoped for so much more. I had hoped to be living in an apartment with my husband. I had hoped to be driving a nice(er) car than the crappy one I have that is falling apart.
But mostly I had hoped to be staring at the picture of a baby who lives in a country far from here. Our baby. Celebrating. Showing off her(or his) picture to family and friends. Making travel plans.
It's harder than I thought it would be.
A lot of times fb leaves me feeling upset.
So and so is going on vacation(again).
Someone got a new car.
A new job.
Most people only put the good stuff on fb. They don't write about how crappy their day is, or what a hard time they are having lately, because no one wants to hear that stuff. But sometimes I do. It's ok to not have a perfect life. It's ok that some days suck. Sometimes things suck for weeks at a time and it's nice to know you aren't alone.
I always have a hard time around this time of year. Mother's Day is typically a hard day for me. This year may be even more so if I get stuck in what might have been.
I miss blogging. I miss people writing stories about their lives, beyond a one word sentence.
Last night joe asked me if this(fb) isn't bringing anything good into my life, or is making me upset in any way then why in the world would I want to spend time there?
He is completely right.
And since I'm not the kind of person who can have fb available to me without going there(why is that?), I deleted it. For now. It's not for forever and I certainly will be back but it's the right thing for me right now.
Most people probably won't even notice, which is fine. I probably wouldn't notice if a lot of my "friends" unfriended me or deactivated their accounts. It's the nature of fb I think.
So I'm feeling sad. And maybe a little bit sorry for myself.
I just need some time to snap out of it.
I have some amazing things coming up. Dragon boat season is almost upon us. A friend is offering me a fabulous opportunity to put me back in touch with a part of my life that I have missed terribly. My sister is making plans for us to spend some time together this summer that I am beyond excited about.
I have good things in my life.
Sometimes I think you just need to step back and enjoy them.
And so I will.