Friday, April 26, 2013


I deactivated my Facebook account. Facebook takes up a lot of my time. More than I care to admit.

It's just too hard right now. People have referrals. They are celebrating and making travel plans and we........aren't.

I get up and go to work every day. I come "home"(this place will never be my home) and exercise(most days), I go grocery shopping, make dinner. Take a shower, watch a TV show or two, check fb, go to bed and start all over. We like to joke at work that every day is like groundhog's day(love that movie).

Except that at this point in my life I had hoped for so much more. I had hoped to be living in an apartment with my husband. I had hoped to be driving a nice(er) car than the crappy one I have that is falling apart.

But mostly I had hoped to be staring at the picture of a baby who lives in a country far from here. Our baby. Celebrating. Showing off her(or his) picture to family and friends. Making travel plans.

It's hard.

It's harder than I thought it would be.

A lot of times fb leaves me feeling upset.

So and so is going on vacation(again).

Someone got a new car.

A new job.

A baby.

Most people only put the good stuff on fb. They don't write about how crappy their day is, or what a hard time they are having lately, because no one wants to hear that stuff. But sometimes I do. It's ok to not have a perfect life. It's ok that some days suck. Sometimes things suck for weeks at a time and it's nice to know you aren't alone.

I always have a hard time around this time of year. Mother's Day is typically a hard day for me. This year may be even more so if I get stuck in what might have been.

I miss blogging. I miss people writing stories about their lives, beyond a one word sentence.

Last night joe asked me if this(fb) isn't bringing anything good into my life, or is making me upset in any way then why in the world would I want to spend time there?

He is completely right.

And since I'm not the kind of person who can have fb available to me without going there(why is that?), I deleted it. For now. It's not for forever and I certainly will be back but it's the right thing for me right now.

Most people probably won't even notice, which is fine. I probably wouldn't notice if a lot of my "friends" unfriended me or deactivated their accounts. It's the nature of fb I think.

So I'm feeling sad. And maybe a little bit sorry for myself.

I just need some time to snap out of it.

I have some amazing things coming up. Dragon boat season is almost upon us. A friend is offering me a fabulous opportunity to put me back in touch with a part of my life that I have missed terribly. My sister is making plans for us to spend some time together this summer that I am beyond excited about.

I have good things in my life.

Sometimes I think you just need to step back and enjoy them.

And so I will.


Jenna said...

Sometimes it is okay just to be sad. If that is where you are, that is where you are. It seems so unfair the referral day came around Mother's day. Of all the time that it could have happened... this is just horrible timing. I am sorry for that. I have had Matthew for 5 years now, and honestly I still hate Mother's day. I don't believe it will ever change. I am relieved that this year my birthday is the farthest it will ever be from Mother's day.
I am sorry... I will RSVP to your pity party, to be honest sometimes pity parties help.

mam said...

We will miss you on FB but look forward to keeping up here. Be well, friend.

Journeywoman said...

I'm just so sorry. I so wish you were celebrating your referral. Life isn't fair. I'll enjoy reading your blog and miss you on FB. I totally understand you needing to step back.

Briana's Mom said...

I wish I had the right words to say to you about all of this. I remember before Briana came along when I had a hard time looking at blogs or hearing about all the things my friends were doing with their kids (there was no FB then thank goodness). I hope you will be able to mend your broken heart someday/somehow. I totally understand your need to disconnect. And I never forget about those that are still waiting for their dream.

Janice said...

I totally understand. Social media can surprisingly alienating. And I can completely understand how hard it is to watch other peoples' happiness when you are still grieving. I'm glad you have some exciting things in your life and that you are trying to do good things for yourself.
Hugs and love.

Laura said...

I missed you on FB, so glad you are blogging here though. It is completely understandable and acceptable to feel sad (or mad, or whatever you feel). You ARE sad. Period. It's OK. We are all thinking of you and Joe.
Hugs, Michelle. Wish you lived nearby so we could get together - I know we would really like each other.


Fabulous Mrs O said...

I am feeling you. I am so depressed right now literally. Going to the Dr soon to get some more meds. I am right there with you. I am proud of you for recognizing and stepping back. Although I will be missing you but I am so glad I have you through here and instagram. I am truly sorry if pictures of my Cooper or anything I have had have made you sad in anyway! Love ya girl!

Lisa~~ said...

Wish that I had words to help you, just know that others do have crappy days or weeks and share your pain. Stay strong and cherish the good things in your life. I'll miss you on FB.