I swore I would never say that

I took the kids to visit Papa and go out to lunch today(again). The kids were being kind of squirrley, so I opted against a trip to the mall and decided to bring them home so Gracie could take a nap instead. My car is smaller than Lisa's and the kid's carseats are virtually right next to each other. Not a good thing. They were bickering and taunting each other in the back seat. I askd them to stop. They didn't. Then I found myself saying "I will have to stop the car if you do not stop fighting." It was very reminsicent of the "Don't make me come back there!" The only problem was, we were on the freeway and there was nowhere safe for me to pull over, so it was an empty threat. Those never work. Next they began having a sword fight, Cameron with his Power Ranger Sword, and Grace with her Tinkerbell wand. Again I tell them they need to stop. They don't. I tell them I am going to take away their "weapons" if they do not STOP HITTING EACH OTHER WITH THEM. They still don't stop. I tell Grace to give me her wand. She says NO! and hides it where I can't get it. I would have pulled over at this point, but again there is nowhere safe and we need gas, and I have to pee. Cameron wisely chooses to put his sword down. Gracie continues to hit Cameron with her wand. When she is not expecting it, I reach around and grab the wand out of her hand. Yeah, real safe driving there. But she wasn't listening and I could not have her whacking her brother while I was trying to drive. As soon as I take the wand away from her, Grace begins SCREAMING at the top of her lungs, kicking her feet and banging on her carseat. A full on tantrum. She continues to do this for twenty minutes. I try reasoning with her, I try threatening that she will never get the wand back if she doesn't stop crying this instant, I try turning up the radio to drown out her screaming. Nothing works. I am beginning to get a headache. Cameron suggest I just give her the wand back to make her stop screaming. No way. I am not rewarding this kind of behavior. She continues to scream. Finally the screaming turns to crying. I ask her if she would like a tissue and she says yes. She continues to cry, but quietly at least. I pull into a gas station and get out to pump the gas. When I open the car door to put my credit card away, Cameron says "Gracie says you're Bad". Great. Just call me Bad Aunt Michelle. By the time we get home, I seem to have been forgiven. I think she misses her Mom, and her Dad, and her own bed. Five days is a long time to be away from home without your parents when you're three.

Parenting is hard

We're on day three of this substitute parenting thing. Two more days to go. I didn't exactly think this thing through when I agreed to it. First of all, my vacation ends on Tuesday. That's the day Lisa and Scott are coming for the kids. That means I will have spent my entire vacation either away from home, or watching the kids. Which is fine, but there was no time in there for me to chill out at home. I am a homebody by nature. Sometimes I like to just spend the whole weekend at home, doing the laundry and cleaning the house. I haven't been able to do either of those things. I like to start the work week prepared. It doesn't look like there is going to be time for that either. I don't think I was prepared for the complete lack of sleep I am encountering either. I have a hard time sleeping at night. Some nights, like last night, I don't sleep at all. That's why I sleep during the day occasionally. People with my type of kidney disease are supposed to sleep more than normal people. Chronic fatigue has been a real problem for me in the last couple of years. When I don't get enough sleep, I start to feel sick. I can feel a sore throat coming on now. Gracie has been getting up at six forty-five in the morning. That is entirely too early for me. Today she woke up Cameron at that time too. Great. Joe says not to worry, that when we have Sophie he will help me. He has not helped me at all with Grace and Cameron. He's asleep right now. I have heard it is different when you they're your own. I certainly hope so. So I'm tired. More than tired. Exhausted. Yet I have to think of things to do today to get us out of the house because there isn't a lot for the kids to do here and they get bored easily. And when they get bored they start fighting with each other. Or bugging the animals. Gotta go. I have two small children to entertain!


P.S. I completely forgot it was New Year's Eve! Today is an anniversary for Me and Joe. Eighteen years ago we met at a New Year's Party. Eighteen years!! Has it really been that long? It hardly seems possible. Happy New Year everybody!

I hope my sister is having a nice time in Mexico, drinking Margaritas and watching the sun set, because man, I am tired. How do you people that have two(or more) kids do this? Seriously, how? I had the kids alone for most of the day, as Joe wasn't feeling all that well. I took them to the park because, well, things weren't going well cooped up in our small apartment. All three of my animals are completely freaked out that these children have invaded their space. I am constantly herding the dogs(and cat) away from the children or the children away from the dogs. One of our dogs is thirteen years old and she is not at all happy about having a three and a five year old chase her around or try to sit on her while she is laying on her couch. The nerve! The cat feels pretty much the same way. She hasn't come inside the house at all since the kids arrived last night, Gracie yelling "HERE KITTY KITTY!! WHY YOU NOT LIKE ME KITTY?" Anyway, so I took them to the park today. My first mistake was walking there instead of driving. We have a park literally on every corner in my neighborhood. I thought it would wear them out if we walked to the park and back. The only problem is, Gracie didn't want to walk back from the park. And you can't make a three year old walk if they don't want to(If you know a way to get them to do this, please share). Once we got to the park, I pushed them in the swings, I built sandcastles, I went down the slide. I tried to sit on a bench and soak up some of the sunshine, but that didn't go well. First Gracie had to go to the bathroom. Then Cameron had to go. Then Gracie had to go again. I think we spent a good portion of our time in the bathroom while we were there. There were other kids at the park playing together while their mothers sat on a bench reading a book or conversing, but not me. No, they want me to play with them. Which is usually fine, because that's why I'm doing this. To spend quality time with my niece and nephew. But dude, I was tired. So we came back and watched television. I know, bad. But I needed a break. And during that time Gracie styled my hair. It was beautiful. I would have taken pictures, but Cameron took the batteries out of my camera to out into his video game. Good times. It is now ten to nine in the evening and I am about to go to bed and conk out. Tomorrow I have the entire day planned out. There won't even be time for T.V. But there will be time for a nap for Gracie. She was tired and ready for a meltdown at four o' clock without one.

My favorite Christmas gifts

I was going to title this post "A few of my favorite things", but then I noticed Shelley already used it, and I didn't want to be a copycat. :) Here are some pictures of Christmas Eve, and a few of my favorite gifts I received for Christmas. My sister made that blanket for Sophie. I love the pattern on the fabric, and it is so soft! She also got me this beautiful handcrafted doll for Sophie. Gracie got one too. She is adorable! Also from my sister I received this beautiful Clayworks church titled "Hope" that I had asked for. Joe got me this very cute Tinkerbell teacup. He may have had a little help from me with that one:) He did however, get me this beautiful Angelheart Brighton bracelet, which I absolutely love, with no help from me whatsoever. I am very lucky indeed.

P.S. Sorry these are in no particular order. Blogger is being uncooperative.

2 months!

We have been LID for two months today. Only like a bazillion more to go. Having a blast up in San Francisco. Rain came today, and it looks like it will be staying for a few days. We've had a change of plans. We have decided to come home two days early, and bring the kids with us to our house where we will watch them until the second, while Lisa and Scott take a trip to Mexico. That should keep us pretty busy until I have to go back to work on Wednesday!

The link wasn't working...

so here they are! You have no idea how long it tookme to get this to work!!!


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

A day in the city

Today Joe and I took Bart into the city and spent the whole day exploring Union Square. We had so much fun! I took too many pictures to post here, but here's a link to the photos I did take. Just hit "play slideshow" when you get there. Only one more shopping day left! :)

Safe and Sound

We arrived safely at our destination in San Francisco today. That's a long drive. I shouldn't be complaining because I only drove three out of the seven hours it took us to get here. Sometimes I drive the whole way by myself. The weather is actually nicer here than at home. It was raining when we left early this morning. It is cold here, but sunny at the moment. They are calling for rain again by Christmas day. Last year it rained every single day that we were here. I hope it doesn't do that this year. I can't believe Christmas is on Monday. December flew by. Tomorrow Lisa and family are going to visit Scott's side of the family and Joe and I are staying here. We may go into the city, or to the movies, or we may just stay here and lounge in our P.J.'s all day. It hasn't been decided yet. Either way, we are both in need of some rest and relaxation, and I'm happy that we're going to get some.

Disneyland pics

Vacation

Today was the last day of school before our Christmas break(it is a Catholic school, so this is what they call it). Two glorious weeks off. Wahoo! I was able to come home a little early today, as we had only twenty two children attend(as opposed to the sixty some we usually have). I cleaned the house, wrapped one last present and packed the rest of them for the trip, and cleaned out the car. Prescriptions have been picked up, the petsitter is scheduled, Christmas cards have been mailed out. I think we are ready for our trip. Joe finally decided to tell me my surprise for tomorrow. He's taking me to Disneyland! I love Disneyland. It is so beautiful there at Christmas time. We haven't been for a couple years, so I am really looking forward to it. As for the little problem I was having the other day, Joe has handled it and it shouldn't be concerning me anymore. Whew. I didn't want that hanging over my head over the holidays. I may not be around for a couple of days. Disneyland all day tomorrow, then we're leaving very early on Friday for S.F. Maybe after I get to my sister's I'll have time to post something.

Stressed

First off, I have to say thank you to my secret pal. I don't know if she reads my blog or not, but how cute is this hat and mittens set she sent me? And that Panda bear was on my Christmas list. So cool! I am so stressed out. I think the hustle and bustle of Christmas is getting to me. Something else happened today that totally freaked me out and caused me to leave work early in tears. I had to take half of a Xanax when I got home, and I never do that. I can't talk about it, but it involves a creditor, and a law suit, and being served papers at work. For something that isn't even our fault and I had no idea about. Merry Christmas. I know my husband will sort it all out eventually, but for now I am scared and anxious. I did manage to finish wrapping all of my presents today. Now they are all ready to be dropped off or packed up for our trip. Here's a picture of all the loot. No wonder we are financially tapped out! I have a tendency to go a little overboard at Christmas. I just can't help myself. I love giving gifts! See that fancy silver ribbon on most of the presents? That's to hide the fact that I am a terrible wrapper. I really am. So all of the packages got fancy silver ribbons to hide the flaws. Everyone but the kids, that is, because kids need to be able to rip into their presents without the hassle of ribbon.

The fastest weekend ever

Is it Sunday night already? What happened to the weekend? I think the reason I feel like the weekend slipped away too quickly is because I spent the majority of my day yesterday at work. Yes, I was at work from 9-3, renewing the infant, child and adult CPR/First aid class that is required for my job. Fun. It actually wasn't that bad, and now it is done for another two years and I don't have to worry about it. I am not looking forward to this week, even though I only have to work three days. It is going to be crazy busy. I hate crazy busy. On Monday I have to go drop off presents to all my friends I will not see next week. Tuesday I have a Christmas party at work, and then a doctor's appointment, followed by dinner with the in-laws to exchange gifts. I am tired just typing that. Wednesday I have to get the car serviced so it's ready for our trip, as well as clean the house and pack. Thursday both Joe and I are off, and he has something special planned, but he won't tell me what it is. Did I mention I am not very fond of surprises? I'm a planner. It's hard to plan for a surprise. Bright and early Friday morning we leave for my sister's. We'll be gone for ten days. I can't wait to see the kids. I haven't seen them since the first week in October, since we didn't visit at Thanksgiving this year. Whew. Maybe I can do some relaxing while I'm there. Hubby just walked in the door and wants to know what's for dinner. Ummm....Oops! I have no idea! Gotta go!

Crafting

I am feeling a million times better today. I think I just needed to get that out of my system. Thank you for all the encouraging comments. They truly helped. My favorite was from Tracy, where she named pretty much anything and everything that could go wrong with "plan B". It actually made me laugh, because that is exactly how I think! There will always be something to freak out over. The key for me is going to be keeping the freakouts to as small a time frame as possible and making sure they are few and far between. So I have been a little stressed out over the last few days, so what did I do? (I know you are thinking shopping, but no, I have been banned from using the checkbook again until well after Christmas!) No, I didn't shop. I did some crafting. I made a lot of jewelery yesterday and today. Beading helps me calm down and takes the focus off of what is bothering me. I made ten bracelets and six pairs of earrings. Some of them turned out quite cute. I also have been working on these scrapbook picture frames that you hang on the wall. They are done on a piece of artist's canvas, which I painted and embellished. I left photo mats empty because it is a gift for someone and they can put their own photo in. I am going to make a couple of these with some Chinese characters on them that say "love", or "hope", and possibly "family". I really like the way they turned out. I am going to make one for Sophie's name, on mint green and lavendar, with a Chinese character on it. Probably "Love". Anyway, I am much calmer today and am sitting here listening to Christmas music and making more bracelets. I hope I can sell all of these!

Crafting pictures

So you had a bad day

Now I can't get that song out of my head. I had a bad day. A rotten day. I snapped at my husband before I left work work(at 5:45 a.m.! Not a good start to the day), then I yelled at some co-workers today over something that really shouldn't have bothered me so much. Then I burst into tears on the phone with my husband, which prompted him to say "What is wrong with you?" At which point I started talking a million miles a minute, saying how China was going to put into place new regulations, and how we won't qualify to adopt from there when they are put into place, and even though we're already logged in, what if they decide we aren't qualified now? What if they decide we don't meet their standards to adopt? What if we wait two years and we don't get to have a child? I was talking so fast he could barely understand me, and man, where did all that come from because he didn't even know anything about any new rules(I hadn't told him). I guess that was festering inside of me waiting to come out. I know my post yesterday was all about me being at peace with the whole situation and what not, but I don't think it really hit me until today that we don't meet the new requirements. And nobody knows for sure if the people who are logged in are going to be exempt from these new rules. I can wait two years for a child. I can. What I cannot do is wait two years and then be denied. I just can't. So of course I tell my husband we need a plan B. Maybe we should look into other countries just in case. Because you know, we're independently wealthy and can afford to do this. Or, maybe we should go back to some of the infertility treatments. After all, everybody who decides to adopt ends up getting pregnant, right? Except even saying that statement out loud makes me start to hyperventilate. Infertility treatments. Shudder. I know that there is nothing we can do. It is completely out of our hands. What I need to do is find a way to continue to not worry about it. I'll be back in my Zen place tomorrow. Today I just need a little time to freak out.

Isn't this supposed to be an Adoption Blog?

I know, this blog is supposed to be about our adoption journey. It says so right in the title. See? I haven't been writing much about the adoption. Much? How about at all? I just can't right now. I haven't even been following the referrals(besides the other blogs I read). I used to get excited every month when referrals came out, and went to every single site that got one so I could see the pictures of those cute faces. I didn't do that this month. Mostly because there is no rhyme nor reason to when referrals come out anymore, and I can't take the guessing game of how many day this month? How does it compare to last month? Are they speeding up? Slowing down? Why? Just writing about it gives me anxiety. I am a high strung person by nature, and I can't take the added stress. I promised myself I would stop stressing once we got our LID. Our paperchase was a nightmare from beginning to end, and I swore I would relax when it was over. Yeah. That lasted about all of a day and a half. Before I knew it, I was all stressed out again, checking Rumor Queen's site, freaking out over referrals(or lack thereof) and having serious anxiety attacks over supposed "new regulations". It isn't good for me, mentally or physically. I was discussing it with my husband one night and I asked him "How come none of this stresses you out like it does me? Why aren't you checking the websites for updates or freaking out over new rules?" Do you know what he said? "I can't do anything to change the situation, so it won't do me any good to stress over it." At first I was annoyed with him, and answered whatever before gong back to my blogs and all of the rumors. But the more I though about it, I realized how right he was. He is in a much better place than I am. He takes one day at a time and doesn't worry about what tomorrow will bring. He says "It will happen when it happens. But it will happen." The are saying the wait is definitely going to go up to two years. Possibly longer. I am coming to peace with that. Maybe we need this extra time to prepare. Maybe in the next two years my husband will find a full time teaching position. Maybe we'll be able to move into a bigger place. Maybe things will change at my job. I don't know. Nobody knows. What I do know is I have to stop stressing out over this. So I am taking Rumor Queen off of my bloglines. For now. I will still be following along with other people's blogs, but I am not stressing over when referrals are coming out, or how many days were included this month. I simply can't do that for two more years. So I'm not going to. So if you came here because this is an adoption blog, I apologize. Right now it is just a blog about the everyday happenings of my boring life. Someday I hope for it to turn back into an adoption blog. Hopefully sooner than later. And now a tidbit from my boring life. I just came from Bunco, where I won again. I'm on a winning streak!(yeah, I know I just jinxed it). I also received a very cute gift from the gift exchange, and it ended up coming from my very good friend Monica. Thanks Monica! Now it's late and I must get to bed.

A Perfect Day

Today was a wonderfully perfect day. For the first time in five months my husband did not have to work on Sunday. I was so used to being alone that I had forgotten how nice it was to have him home! Today we slept in, then I made us a yummy breakfast. We lounged around in our P.J.'s until noon, drinking coffee, reading the paper and listening to Christmas music. It rained last night so it was cloudy and cool outside. Perfect weather for staying cozy inside. Pretty soon we felt the need for a nap, so that's what we did. Napped. I love naps. I wrapped some Christmas presents(almost done), then ran and got us dinner. Now we're watching sixty minutes(recorded it). Tomorrow it will be back to our hectic schedules, so I'm glad we had the time to catch up and relax a little. Here's my ornament for today. It came in a set of four, with a different angel on the top of each bell. The bells make the most beautiful tinkling sound when you ring them. One of the kids gave me these a few years ago. I remember them distinctly because the child who gave them to me asked me to open it right then, while I was standing on the playground. So I opened it, and some of the other children had gathered around to see what it was. One particular little boy, whose mother had Cancer, came up to me after the other children had gone and said quietly to me "My mom would love those. She likes angels." We talked about his mom for a few minutes and then he went off to play. Later that day, when his Aunt came to pick him up, I handed him a small gift bag. He looked at me with a surprised look, and then suddenly his face lit up in a huge smile. I didn't even have to tell him what it was. He already knew. As far as I know, he gave his Mom that ornament for Christmas. She died ten days later. She was a beautiful, courageous woman. That little boy went to live with his Dad after that school year, so I don't get to see him anymore. I think of him often, and I hope he remembers that small bit of kindness I offered him that day. I hope he still has that ornament, and I hope it makes him think of his Mom, like it makes me think of her every time I place it on my tree.

Catching Up

I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post! I am way behind on my ornaments f0r my sister's challenge. I have been terribly busy. And the short amount of time I am not busy I have been sleeping. A lot. I don't know if I was coming down with something, or if it was some of the medications I am taking, but all last week I was just so sleepy. All the time. It was all I could do to stay at work until three-thirty, then I was coming home and taking an hour and a half nap. And still going to bed at 9:30! It seems to have passed today. No nap. Good. I have so much to do, and I certainly wasn't getting it done while I was asleep! Today was employeee appreciation day at my husband's part time job, so I went and finished up my Christmas shopping at forty percent off. Can't beat that! I am now officially done with my Christmas shopping. It feels good to be done. Now I just have to wrap, and deliver all of the gifts to the people I am not going to see at Christmas. I love spending Christmas with my sister, but sometimes it's hard to get everything done that needs to be in time for us to leave for ten days. Well, I have a ton of bracelets to make for people that ordered them, so I'd better get to it. Here's my ornament for today. Another Disney.

Funny Things Heard Around Our House

So I went to PetCo this weekend to buy one of our dogs a "bubba"(stuffed animal). She had stolen on out of Sophie's room awhile back, but she's a small dog, and it was a large animal and she could hardly even carry it around. But oh, how she loved it. So I decided she needed a new one that was more her size. So off to PetCo I went, with my sister on tow. They had a huge selection, and we were kind of in a hurry, so I chose the first one that caught my eye that was the right size. So we get home and I give Gizmo(or "Dizmo" as Cameron calls her) her new Bubba. And she loves it. She is carrying it around, making it squeak incessantly, and bringing it to us so we can play fetch with her. After getting it home and getting a better look at it, I realize what kind of animal it is. It's a beaver! Yes, that's right. A beaver! So the following things have been said at our house over this last weekend. The first couple were said inadvertantly, but once we realized how funny they were, of course we had to keep thinking up new things to say(because we have the sense of humor of a teenage boy)
"Where's your Beaver?"
"Go get your beaver. Go on, go get it."
"What a cute beaver you have"
"That is one squeaky beaver !"
"Bring me your beaver!"

And my personal favorite, said by my husband today:
He had sat down on the couch, on top of Gizmo's bubba, without realizing it. Gizmo was digging at his leg and he was telling her to stop. I said to him "I think you might be sitting on her beaver!" He gets up and sure enough, there is her toy. She brings it over to me and he says "Sorry Gizmo, I hope I didn't hurt your Beaver!" Yeah, it doesn't take much to enterain us around here! ( I think we might have to name the new bubba "Britney")

Here's a pic of the tree, for my sister
And another ornament. One of the kids gave me this one last year. It is a Lenox and I am quite fond of it.

Ornament Challenge

I finally got my Christmas tree up(finally? it's only Dec. 4th!), so I can now participate in my sister's ornament challenge. I finally bit the bullet and bought an artificial tree. It is something I swore I would never do, because I LOVE the smell of the fresh tree, and I liked the tradition of going to choose it too. It just wasn't feasable anymore. We live in an apartment, and we are gone the week of and most of the week after Christmas. Since it made me sad to take the tree down before we left, it was always totally dead by the time we got home and the mess was horrible. So I found a cute little one at Jo-Anne's, and I bought some pine scented room spray to make up for the aroma. When it's lit at night you can't even tell it's fake. We might go back to a live tree, after Sophie comes home and is old enough to help participate in the choosing of one, but for right now this works. Anyway, since I am a little behind in the challenge, here are four ornaments from my tree. Do you sense a theme here? Yeah, my tree has a Disney theme. I started collecting Disney ornaments almost fourteen years ago when we were first married and I was a Disney freak(I had a Mickey and Minnie cake topper on my wedding cake!). My obsession with all things Disney has subsided(a little), but the ornaments are cute and I never had the money or time to buy all new ornaments. So the Disney theme stuck. I have added ornaments that I have received as gifts over my years of working with kids. but we'll start with the Disney ones. The second ornament is a Christopher Radko that I received as a gift and I love. I never could have afforded it for myself. The others are ornaments I collected over the years from our yearly trips to Disneyland. We go almost every year at Christmas time. They have unique ornaments you can't buy anywhere else.

A Whirlwind Weekend

Whew, this weekend simply flew by! I have been going, going, going since I picked my sister up at the airport, and didn't stop until I dropped her bakc off today at 2:00. Then I went home and crashed! The Harvest Festival was fun(it always is), but the Blogger's get together was truly awesome! I am so lucky to be able to meet and get to know such a great group of women! More details later, and I am behind on pictures too. I owe my sister some ornament pics, and I have pics of the Harvest Festival and the present Joannah brought me too. Blogger won't let me put in links right now(what's up with that?), so I can't link to any of my bloggy friends right now. Maybe later. Kristen, Shelley, and Joannah, I had a great time. Let's do it again soon!

Oops!

I made it all the way through last month without missing a day, and then I forgot to post yesterday. Oops! I may celebrate making it through national blog posting month(almost) by not posting for a couple of days. My sister is coming to visit and my weekend is jam packed with fun. Tomorrow night we're going to another bloggy get together, so I will be sure to post the deatils of that. I also wrote quite a lengthy post blowing off steam about my job, but just writing it semed to help and maybe I don't need to post it for the world to see. I'll see. TGIF!