Wednesday, December 13, 2006
So you had a bad day
Now I can't get that song out of my head. I had a bad day. A rotten day. I snapped at my husband before I left work work(at 5:45 a.m.! Not a good start to the day), then I yelled at some co-workers today over something that really shouldn't have bothered me so much. Then I burst into tears on the phone with my husband, which prompted him to say "What is wrong with you?" At which point I started talking a million miles a minute, saying how China was going to put into place new regulations, and how we won't qualify to adopt from there when they are put into place, and even though we're already logged in, what if they decide we aren't qualified now? What if they decide we don't meet their standards to adopt? What if we wait two years and we don't get to have a child? I was talking so fast he could barely understand me, and man, where did all that come from because he didn't even know anything about any new rules(I hadn't told him). I guess that was festering inside of me waiting to come out. I know my post yesterday was all about me being at peace with the whole situation and what not, but I don't think it really hit me until today that we don't meet the new requirements. And nobody knows for sure if the people who are logged in are going to be exempt from these new rules. I can wait two years for a child. I can. What I cannot do is wait two years and then be denied. I just can't. So of course I tell my husband we need a plan B. Maybe we should look into other countries just in case. Because you know, we're independently wealthy and can afford to do this. Or, maybe we should go back to some of the infertility treatments. After all, everybody who decides to adopt ends up getting pregnant, right? Except even saying that statement out loud makes me start to hyperventilate. Infertility treatments. Shudder. I know that there is nothing we can do. It is completely out of our hands. What I need to do is find a way to continue to not worry about it. I'll be back in my Zen place tomorrow. Today I just need a little time to freak out.