Wednesday, December 13, 2006

So you had a bad day

Now I can't get that song out of my head. I had a bad day. A rotten day. I snapped at my husband before I left work work(at 5:45 a.m.! Not a good start to the day), then I yelled at some co-workers today over something that really shouldn't have bothered me so much. Then I burst into tears on the phone with my husband, which prompted him to say "What is wrong with you?" At which point I started talking a million miles a minute, saying how China was going to put into place new regulations, and how we won't qualify to adopt from there when they are put into place, and even though we're already logged in, what if they decide we aren't qualified now? What if they decide we don't meet their standards to adopt? What if we wait two years and we don't get to have a child? I was talking so fast he could barely understand me, and man, where did all that come from because he didn't even know anything about any new rules(I hadn't told him). I guess that was festering inside of me waiting to come out. I know my post yesterday was all about me being at peace with the whole situation and what not, but I don't think it really hit me until today that we don't meet the new requirements. And nobody knows for sure if the people who are logged in are going to be exempt from these new rules. I can wait two years for a child. I can. What I cannot do is wait two years and then be denied. I just can't. So of course I tell my husband we need a plan B. Maybe we should look into other countries just in case. Because you know, we're independently wealthy and can afford to do this. Or, maybe we should go back to some of the infertility treatments. After all, everybody who decides to adopt ends up getting pregnant, right? Except even saying that statement out loud makes me start to hyperventilate. Infertility treatments. Shudder. I know that there is nothing we can do. It is completely out of our hands. What I need to do is find a way to continue to not worry about it. I'll be back in my Zen place tomorrow. Today I just need a little time to freak out.


Joannah said...

I think we're all experiencing some panic this week. There's a nasty rumor that singles (even w/ an LID) would only be matched if there were no couples to adopt an available child. While I doubt that will turn out to be true, if it were, then I would never get a referral. There would always be more couples than singles.

I, too, am thinking about 'Plan Bs'.

We'll get through this and some sort of clarity will emerge from the dark cloud of confusion. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I know that nothing I say can ease your anxiety. What I CAN say is that each time CCAA has come out with some new rules or regulations it has NEVER affected the people already logged in. I was DTC in November 2001 just 2 WEEKS before they put in to place all of the singles restrictions and such. I was panic stricken. Now, 5 years later...and still single...I have TWO healthy baby girls from China. Things will work out for you. If it makes you more comfortable to have a "back up" plan, go ahead and do it....but I would really feel safe to say that you would be "Grandfathered" in under the old regulations.

Good luck and give your agency a buzz!!!


Anonymous said...

Freak away for a scheduled length of time.

I don't meet the new requirements either. I sweat the CCAA may decide I'm 'not good enough' All I can do is hang on and hope.


Tracy said...

Not that it helps at all (only the CCAA knows for sure), but I also don't think any changes will effect anyone already logged in. But in the mean time, I would talk to your social worker or even better the director of your agency. Let them know your fears and ask their honest opinion. And then trust what they say (that's all you can do).

I can tell you that I freaked up a storm worrying that for some reason we would be denied and I wouldn't be matched. I have a feeling your freak out has less to do with new rules and way more to do with feeling out of control and knowing some stranger or government agency has control over your future as a parent. If it weren't new rules you would find something else to freak out.

Plus, you will worry about SOMETHING no matter what country you go with.

Domestic: will the birth mother take back the child

China: are the new rules (if there even are any) going to effect you.

Vietnam: is the program stable enough or will it shut down at any minute with you in the middle, $30,000 poorer and still no child

Russia: I'm not that familiar with Russia, but I am sure you would find something to freak out

Kazakstan: will they close down the country, will you get stuck over there and they bait/switch babies on you, will you get stuck over there with a baby and have to fight to get out with your child, will they change it to 3 trips

They all have something, which is easy for me to say I know because my daughter is home, safe and sound and asleep in her crib

So, talk to your director and then go with your gut. Once you make up your mind just put blinders on and if you start to freak out....SHOP! Shopping cures everything, no one can be upset for too long when they are looking at cute tiny baby clothes in a shop.

I hope you continue to blog, even if it's not about adoption because I enjoy reading your site (I check it everyday).

Tracy (Gotcha Day 1 year + 1 day ago)

Anonymous said...

I'm freaking out right with ya! We don't fit the new requirements either. And I don't even know if we're logged in yet - DTC 11/17/06. My fingers are crossed for everyone! :)

Anonymous said...

I really think it's going to be okay. My agency is really sure the new regs. won't affect those DTC before May 1, 2007. So even those paperchasing now will not be affected by the new regulations. I understand, I was sure we'd be denied for some reason or another, but we made it through review - no questions. We don't have our baby yet - so I can't rest yet, but I really don't think the CCAA will use the new regs. on those already logged in. My agency has stated this to its clients several times over, double checked with the CCAA, etc... Hang in there! It's a long and hard wait.


Deanna said...

I'm so sorry your having a bad day. If it helps we all have those days. Try to take it one day at a time. Deanna (OCT DTC yahoo group)-for some reason my blogger sign in will not work

Jonni said...

I know what you mean about having a breakdown this week. I have been stressing too. Don't worry though, I am sure it will be fine for all of us. Hope you are feeling better. :)

Tara said...

We wouldn't qualify either, but I have faith that those new regulations WILL begin in May 07 and not now. I'm having a more difficult time with the wait. I've come to terms with everything and decided to use this time to make myself a better parent and accomplish some new goals - maybe throw some wacky ones in there too! At least there is a lot of support out here...I can't imagine being alone in this journey!

Sarah said...

I just wanted to let you know that I'm wishing you the very best. What a rollercoaster! Enjoy the holidays and then call an expert.

Debra Sue said...

I am so right there with you, sister. Just like you and J., B and I don't meet the requirements of the new regulations. Hell, we blow most of them out of the water.

I am terrified that they will reject us/deny us when we hit the review room. Ever since I saw the offical word on our agency's website that, indeed, there will be new regs, I have been physically sick. Thinking of "Plan B" makes me sicker. I haven't blogged, slacked on my Secret Pal, and have stress eaten so much in the last week, had my BMI not already been 40+ it would be now.

Hang in there with me. I am so glad I am not the only paranoid, neurotic, freaked out, hopeful mom-to-be out there.

If I tell you, will you tell me we'll be okay? Okay?

Kristin said...

From what I have heard, those logged in are not affected.

Surely your agency will be able to give you a definitive on that soon!

Hang in there.