Monday, December 11, 2006

Isn't this supposed to be an Adoption Blog?

I know, this blog is supposed to be about our adoption journey. It says so right in the title. See? I haven't been writing much about the adoption. Much? How about at all? I just can't right now. I haven't even been following the referrals(besides the other blogs I read). I used to get excited every month when referrals came out, and went to every single site that got one so I could see the pictures of those cute faces. I didn't do that this month. Mostly because there is no rhyme nor reason to when referrals come out anymore, and I can't take the guessing game of how many day this month? How does it compare to last month? Are they speeding up? Slowing down? Why? Just writing about it gives me anxiety. I am a high strung person by nature, and I can't take the added stress. I promised myself I would stop stressing once we got our LID. Our paperchase was a nightmare from beginning to end, and I swore I would relax when it was over. Yeah. That lasted about all of a day and a half. Before I knew it, I was all stressed out again, checking Rumor Queen's site, freaking out over referrals(or lack thereof) and having serious anxiety attacks over supposed "new regulations". It isn't good for me, mentally or physically. I was discussing it with my husband one night and I asked him "How come none of this stresses you out like it does me? Why aren't you checking the websites for updates or freaking out over new rules?" Do you know what he said? "I can't do anything to change the situation, so it won't do me any good to stress over it." At first I was annoyed with him, and answered whatever before gong back to my blogs and all of the rumors. But the more I though about it, I realized how right he was. He is in a much better place than I am. He takes one day at a time and doesn't worry about what tomorrow will bring. He says "It will happen when it happens. But it will happen." The are saying the wait is definitely going to go up to two years. Possibly longer. I am coming to peace with that. Maybe we need this extra time to prepare. Maybe in the next two years my husband will find a full time teaching position. Maybe we'll be able to move into a bigger place. Maybe things will change at my job. I don't know. Nobody knows. What I do know is I have to stop stressing out over this. So I am taking Rumor Queen off of my bloglines. For now. I will still be following along with other people's blogs, but I am not stressing over when referrals are coming out, or how many days were included this month. I simply can't do that for two more years. So I'm not going to. So if you came here because this is an adoption blog, I apologize. Right now it is just a blog about the everyday happenings of my boring life. Someday I hope for it to turn back into an adoption blog. Hopefully sooner than later. And now a tidbit from my boring life. I just came from Bunco, where I won again. I'm on a winning streak!(yeah, I know I just jinxed it). I also received a very cute gift from the gift exchange, and it ended up coming from my very good friend Monica. Thanks Monica! Now it's late and I must get to bed.


Jonni said...

I am right there with you! It is so nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way.

BTW, ny husband is the same way too. I wish I could find my happy, chilled-out place. :)


kayce said...

That is just how it is in my house! My husband says the same exact thing!!! I get annoyed by it, but he is right. I just find things to keep me busy and just keep on moving forward.

Stephanie said...

It certianly isn't easy, but we have to make the best out of the situation. All that stress doesn't make it go any faster!
- Stephanie

Kathy and Joel said...

This is your blog to do with as you wish and you have every right to not partake in the rumors if you so choose. My blog (which started out as an adoption blog) has also become about everyday-ness and I like it that way. There is far too much time to be stressing over timelines. I would much rather be realistic and fill my life with other things.

Joannah said...

Good for you! I wish I could do the same thing, but I'm too weak! Ack!