Thursday, June 29, 2006

Feeling Lousy

Kind of a yucky day. I was fine when I woke up, but by mid afternoon I could feel it coming on. Sore throat, stuffy nose, body aches. Fatigue. A flare up of the kidney disease. It is strange to me how these can come on so suddenly, especially when I have been feeling so good lately. I have been eating right, exercising every single day, taking my vitamins. Anyway, by two' o clock it was obvious I would have to go home early. I came home and went right to bed and slept for two and a half hours. Feeling a little bit better, except for the headache and sore throat. I know I'm going to have days like these, yet somehow I am disappointed. Drat. I hate being sick. Especially when I'm not technically sick. Oh, and that weight I lost last week? I gained two pounds of it back. Double Drat!! I also knew this was a possibility, with the high dosage of Prednisone I am taking, but again, disappointed. (Of course it had absolutely nothing to do with how many times I visited here last week. Four times. I am addicted. It's only three points, O.K.?). So overall a big, fat, disappointing day! Have no fear, I'll snap out of it. After tomorrow I am off on a four day weekend. If that can't make me feel better, nothing can! Soooooooo looking forward to that!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Are "My" Kids Artistic, Or What?

I wanted the kids to make some posters for a Fourth of July Picnic and Concert our church is having, so I gave them some posterboard, ribbon, and paint and let them go at it. I think they did a great job! And they did it all themselves! (O.K., I helped some of the little ones with the lettering, but other than that, they did it all themselves). Way to go!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Still Loving Summer

A couple of weeks ago, I bought this.

And now we are having these every night(with sugar free syrups, so they are zero points of course)

Yup, I am still loving Summer!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

This Cat

Is a menace to society. Don't let her sweet looks fool you. She is one bad ass kitty. Her targets? Dogs! Big dogs, small dogs, it doesn't matter. Any dog that is brave enough to walk by our front door is fair game. We have had her for thirteen years. We got her when she was a kitten, and Tess was just six weeks old. They grew up together. She loves her Tessie dog. And she has even learned to put up with the other dog we acquired, although it is somewhat of a love-hate relationship. We hadn't had "an incident" in awhile, and thought maybe she had settled down in her old age and was giving up her bad habits. That is, until this morning. I was in the living room watching T.V., when I hear a ruckus outside. It sounded like a dog fight, except the dog was yelping. Joe ran into the kitchen to look out the window, and what does he see? Our cat kicking the crap out of some poor dog whose owner was walking by! She was really going at it. The dog's owner was pulling him as hard as she could, trying to get him out of harm's way. Of course we hid in the house and waited until she went by before going outside to retreive the cat! We used to have these "incidences" all the time at our old house. The one that stands out the most was a large black man walking his Pit Bull past our front yard when my cat comes flying out of the bushes and jumps on his back! The dog went berserk, running in circles, growling, barking, even laying down trying to get the cat off of him. I just stood there in disbelief, not knowing what to do. The funniest part was the large black man almost started crying, saying over and over again "Dude! Get your blankety-blank cat off of my dog!" It was funny when it was all over, but kind of scary while it was happening. I thought we were through with this. I'm not sure what to do. It's too late to make her an indoor cat. But I'm afraid someone might get hurt, or we may get sued or something! Maybe I should just put up a beware of cat sign.

P.S. My sister will want to tell you the story of how this same cat put thirteen stitches in her right ear one Christmas, but her dog was attacking my dog and the cat was simply defending her friend. There are two sides to every story! She really is a very sweet cat. (No really!)

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Baby Shower a Success

Well, the baby shower was a success. It was really fun. It was held at a scrapbooking store, which I thought was a really neat idea. While we all sat around and ate and chatted, we were also working on a "friends" themed scrapbook for the guest of honor. Everyone made two pages to be included in the book. At the end, she had a completed mini book with pages her friends had designed. They even brought a digital camera and photo printer so they could take a picture of each of us with her, as well as the pictures we brought along. I think I might need to get me one of those photo printers. They are so portable and handy, and the pictures were very good quality. I could really use something like that for my job. After the scrapping, she opened her presents. The basket I made was a big hit. I may have to make some more of these, with ladybug or Asian fabrics. They make great toy baskets, or even laundry baskets. The downside of the whole thing is that now I am exhausted. It really took a lot out of me. Now I have to find the energy to go and exercise. We skipped yesterday and I really want to keep up the good groove we have been in.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Baby ShowerPalooza

Well, tomorrow I am attending a baby shower. I don't normally do baby showers. They usually make me weepy and sad, and depressed. But I've come to the conclusion that other people are going to continue to have babies. It's a fact of life. I need to move on. I can't live in a hole forever! And besides, I really like my friend who is having the baby. So I want to support her. It is going to be held at a scrapbooking store, which is so cool! I'm really looking forward to it. There has been much preparation on my part for this baby shower. First, there is the outfit. If I'm going to go to an event that might make me feel sad, I must at least look good! I love the colors. The shirt looks see-through, but there is a tank top underneath and I assure you it is not. Then there are the shoes. Oh my Gosh, the shoes! I really stepped outside the box with these. They actually have heels people! Not skinny heels, but heels just the same. I never buy any shoes that have a heel. I love the shoes. (Even if I did "fall" off of them while wearing them around the house and pulled a muscle in my calf! Ouch!) Of course, there is also the pedicure that went along with the shoes. I got that today. Ahhhh....I haven't had a pedicure since Valentine's Day! Way overdue, and so relaxing. Finally, there was the gift. Oh, the gift. Much thought and preparation went into the gift also. First I decoupaged a basket with this very cute jungle print. My mom taught me how to do this. She made the most beautiful baskets. It has been years since I made one. I think it turned out cute. Then I went to Walmart and practically bought out the baby department to fill the basket up. I got diapers, and wipes, a baby nail care kit, lotion, baby wash, a blanket, cute little socks, teething rings, bowls, medicine dropper and a rubber ducky. It was hard to stop! These are all pretty much newborn items, so they are things I won't get to buy for myself. Plus, it's a boy, so I won't get to buy that stuff either. It was fun! Here it is all finished. I'll post a picture of me tomorrow when I'm all dressed up. Someday I'll get to have one of these. Someday.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Twenty Pounds!!!!

I just weighed in for the week(yeah, a day early. I was freaking out over how hungry the Prednisone is making me). I lost another 2.4 pounds, putting my total weight loss at twenty pounds! In seven weeks! I am in shock. Now I know I can lose the next forty, putting me at a "normal" weight for my height in almost fifteen years. I am so excited! You can't beat me Prednisone! (I had two different doctors tell me I should not try to lose weight while taking that particular drug, but rather try to stay at the same weight instead). Big ole' happy dance going on over here right now!

Exhausting Day

Is it sad that I went to the store today to buy these, and somehow this ended up in my cart? And it was only 10:30 in the morning! Sheesh! What a day! Of course, that's due to the fact that I Tye Dyed thirty two of these today. That one is Gracie's. They all came out quite cute. But it was exhausting. I'm off to enjoy my bottle of wine. (Yes, as a matter of fact it is four o' clock in the afternoon! What about it?)

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Meltdown averted. For now.

Well, I haven't slipped into a depressive episode. Yet. I didn't feel great today. Crampy, headachey, muscles hurting(from tennis I think). I am five days away from my period, so all of these things are quite normal, but I've been feeling so good for the last two weeks, that I was a little dissapointed to be feeling crummy. I was just getting used to feeling good! I finally just allowed myself to feel crummy. Came home, laid on the couch with a heating pad, while hubby brought me dinner. And now I feel better. I have to remember that not every day is going to be good, no matter how much I would like it to be. That simply isn't realistic. Same with the diet. Some days are going to be better than others. For now I need to take it one day at a time. Later I will entertain you with the evils of Prednisone, but for now I am getting into a hot bath and then my P.J.'s.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Smooth sailing

I don't have much to report, as everything has been smooth sailing around here. Work was much calmer today than Friday. Friday was not good. But today was better. A weekend will do that I guess(and the fact that certain children have this week off!) I have been feeling so amazingly good these last two weeks. I'm almost afraid to talk about it, lest I jinx things. I see the psychiatrist tomorrow for a recheck, and I really don't know what to tell him. That the drugs he gave me have worked miracles, and I have never felt better? Is it posssible after all this time a right diagnosis was made, the right drugs prescribed, and now I'll feel this good always? I know that probably isn't true. I'm still waiting for the floor to drop out from under me. I'm waiting for a major depressive episode to come out of nowhere. I'll be starting my period in a week, and that sometimes affects the depression. My husband and I are having some issues that I can't talk about, and it is causing me a bit of anxiety. But not that bad. It's manageable. It's not that I'm completely happy all the time. I just feel so even keel. No major highs or lows. I just feel good. And I'm not willing to let go of that good feeling quite yet. Maybe I won't have to. I am praying that I don't have to.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Father's Day!

Unlike Mother's Day around here, Father's Day is a day we celebrate(I know we'll celebrate Mom's Day soon. Just not yet). I started a day early by having lunch with my Dad yesterday. My Dad is the greatest. He is always there for me, and for the last ten years he has had to function as both Mother and Father. A daunting task, I'm sure. But he does it wonderfully. If it weren't for his financial and emotional support, this adoption would not be possible, and Joe and I will be eternally grateful for that. This year is the first time we celebrated Father's Day at our house. I know we are a ways off from actually having a child, but the paperwork is done and that's a good enough reason for us to celebrate! I got Joe a cool coffee mug with Chinese writing on it(no idea what it says), a very neat ornate chopstick set, and some garden sculptures to hang on the fence on the patio. He was very surprised that I got him gifts, and he loved them. Today we are just hanging around the house, doing chores and laundry. We might head to the movies later on in the day.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

A Relaxing Day

Ahhhh...Today was a nice, relaxing day. First it was off to my Dad's house to go to lunch and celebrate Father's Day a day early. We went to Wood Ranch BBQ and Grill. It was yummy! I love it there because I can get a delicious meal and still stay within my Weight Watchers points range. I had BBQ chicken(no skin), mashed sweet potatoes, and fire roasted veggies. Mmmmm......! I know I haven't mentioned the W.W. in awhile, but I have lost eighteen pounds so far! I can hardly believe it. And this is despite the Prednisone. I have noticed my appetite getting a little out of control, but as long as the weight loss continues I am going to try not to obsess over it too much. I am finding it not that difficult to stay on the program. Hopefully I can kep it up. Anyway, back to lunch. I made my Dad this picture frame with the grandkids pictures in it. I put Sophie's name in Chinese in her space. We'll switch it out with her photo after we meet her. When I arrived home from lunch, the weather was so nice(O.K., hot!) I decided to go to the pool at our complex. I don't go there a lot, mostly because there are usually quite a few kids there. See previous post! I get enough of that during the week! But it wasn't too bad. The kids that were there were quiet and well behaved(such children do exist! :), and I had a relaxing time swimming and reading my book. Then I came home and cooked Salmon with new potatoes and grilled eggplant for dinner. Now I am relaxing on the couch with a glass of white wine and my computer. A good day!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Warning: Whining to follow

I am sooo glad it is Friday. Even tough I had a great week, I just have to whine a little about my job for a minute. My job is hard. It is difficult during the school year, when the kids are in school for half a day, and I only work with the one age group(five year olds), but it is downright exhausting in the summer when the kids are with you all day and they are ages four and a half to twelve. Exhausting down to the bone. For those of you that have school age children at home for the summer and have to keep them entertained and happy, you feel my pain. Except instead of two or three children to keep happy, I have forty-two. Yup. Forty. Two. School. Aged. Children. Don't get me wrong. It is my choice to have this job. Heck, I even have a two year degree in early childhood education, with an emphasis on children ages 5-12. I have this type of job because I do like it most of the time. It is rewarding. Plus, it is the only thing I have ever done, besides teach pre-school. I like the flexibility of this more. It does hold a little less responsibility too, as far as actual "learning" and lesson planning go. I was tired of being pressured by parents when we would spend all day collecting and examining bugs and they would ask at the end of the day "But what are you teaching them?" There is more room for craftiness too, as school age children often prefer more "product related" art, versus creative art. But we do both. Anyhoo, as I get older, this job kicks my butt in the summertime. And there is no way for me to write this without sounding way old, but kids these days! Oy! They are so challenging. They don't follow directions. At all. It's almost like they are so accustomed to not listening to what you tell them to do, that they are physically unable to do what you asked(or didn't ask). Of course there are the exceptions. The "easy" kids. But I'm talking about the majority. And most of them are sooo spoiled. I work at a Private religious institiution, so that might account for this, but does it account for the fact that they think the sun, moon, and stars revolve around them? Here are a few things some girls said to me today:

We have a blow up pool that we get out on Fridays. Last year we had two. One for the girls and one for the boys. This year I was only able to purchase one, so the kids had to share(gasp!), but I told them I would purchase another one by the next water day. A group of girls approaches me with the following conversation:
Them: "Michelle, we have been talking and we think you should buy two more pools to use for water day."
Me: I said "Two more? What for? We have only had two in the past."
Them: "Yes, but we think the older girls should have their own so we don't have to share with the smaller girls."
Me: "Oh. Well, I don't think so. Besides, it is a lot of work to get the pools out, fill them up, and empty them out every Friday."
Them: "Yeah, but that's part of your job, right?"
I just laughed and told them to go have fun in the pool before it was the boys turn.

But it irked me. Do people not teach their children about simple respect for adults anymore?
Or how about, "You are not the only child/ren on the face of this earth?"

Here's an example of the "not following directions".
Me: (To a seven year old boy in the pool) Please don't sit on the side of the pool. All the water is coming out.
Him: Completely ignores me.
Me: (Two more times). Please don't sit on the side of the pool. All of the water is coming out.
One of those times I walked directly up to him and was standing in front of him.
Him: Completely ignores me.
Me: "You need to get out of the pool now. You are not listening to me."
Him: HE SPLASHES ME IN THE FACE!!!!!! And refuses to get out. When I make him get out, he begins yelling and screaming and practically kicking his feet! I cannot believe this! I put him in "time out" and he begins to cry! He says it isn't fair! This is a seven year old boy! Huh? I had to physically walk away from him and count to ten. If he acts like this with me, who he doesn't even know all that well, how does he act at home? It scares me.

Here is another scenario that happened today:
Three boys are bouncing a large, light rubber ball inside. I tell them they can roll it, but they are not to bounce it or throw it at one another. I go back to preparing snack. Of course they begin hucking the ball at each other as hard as they can. The ball is ricocheting off of the ceiling, the walls, the windows. I go over to retrieve the ball from them. When I ask them to give it to me, one of them throws it to another boy. Sigh. That boy begins sitting on it, bouncing up and down on it. Looking straight at me. Smiling. I tell him(I'm done asking) to go put the ball in the ball bin. Now. He says "I didn't get it out." I repeat my "request". He says "No. I didn't get it out." He is still bouncing up and down on it. I have to physically place my hand on his arm and repeat my request. I tell him to go sit in time out. He finally does do it, but he does not put the ball away. He simply goes and sits down. I had one of the other boys put the ball away. AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Again, much deep breathing and counting follow.

I worry that I will not have the patience to do this job when I have a child of my own at home. Or, rather I won't have anything left for my daughter. I'm afraid all of my patience will be sucked dry. And that won't be fair to her. Or me. I know I don't have have to worry about this for some time yet, but I'm a worrier. It may be time to start training for another career. So as you can see, I am so glad it is Friday! I think I might need a stiff drink!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Corners of my Home

Hey, remember these? I thought I might start doing them again. They're fun. This is a new corner of my home. It is actually outside on the patio. My husband has spent a lot of time planting out on our patio, and he was complaining that I don't go spend any time out there with him. He sits out there all the time, planting and weeding , or reading a book. I told him I don't go out there because there is no real comfortable place to sit. All we have is two plastic patio chairs and they just aren't comfortable(He says that's because I am a Princess. Whatever.) So on Sunday he took me to Ikea to buy me a comfy patio chair to sit in. We found that chair, and the pad to go with it. Let me tell you, that chair is the most comfortable patio chair I have ever sat in! It is made of these soft rubber bands, and when you sit in it, it rocks gently. (It rocks! Ha Ha!). He bought me that table and those candleholders to go with it. They are having an awesome sale right now. That chair was cheap, but the table was only twelve bucks! Can't beat that. I love Ikea. Anyway, now we go out there all the time and read or just soak up the sun. Did I mention how much I am loving summer? I am loving summer.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Another Fabulous Day

Yep, two in a row for me. Oh yeah. I have just given myself a pedicure and my feet are propped up on my new ottoman. I am sipping a drink and my husband has been in the kitchen for two hours making me this for dinner. I think I might be sad when he goes back to work next week. We even played tennis today(even though I had to stop after twenty minutes because I was so tired I thought I was going to die. Boy am I out of shape!) I think I might be on a roll. Is tomorrow Thursday already? Friday will be here before I know it! Summer rocks.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

A Great Day

Hold on to your hats, because you don't hear this from me very often, but I had a great day today. Yay! I am feeling great, sleeping well, eating right, and I even walked a half a mile today. Work was busy but good. The weather has been nice, and we flew kites and chased bugs and made sandcastles. I even worked late and still feel good. In a half an hour I'm off to meet with my Infertility Group, and that always makes me feel better. It helps so much to be around people who understand what you are going through. Was it only seven days ago that I was reeling from not one, but two confusing, scary medical diagnoses? What a difference a week makes! All I can hope for is that the rest of the week goes half as well as today went.

Monday, June 12, 2006

A better day

I'm feeling much better today. The fever, headache and chills have gone away, and I slept very well last night. That always seems to help. Still feeling slightly overwhelmed, but I guess that is to be expected. I had a follow up with my Primary Doc today, and it was actually reassuring. He says I can take Tylenol, as long as I don't overdo it and take it more than a couple of times a week. That should help with the headaches at least. Also, the pain reliever my Gyn prescribed is not an anti-imflammatory, so I can take it as needed for the endo pain. Whew! That will help matters greatly while I'm on the Prednisone. I have decided to keep going on W.W. At the very least it will keep me from gaining a ton of weight back, and I eat much healthier when I am on it. I have lost sixteen pounds so far! That feels great. Thank you so much for all of the kind and encouraging comments. They truly do help. I have friends that I have known for years who don't seem to have the right words of support, but you guys always do. Thank you! I am working very hard on taking it one day at a time. I know this will be O.K.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Feeling Rotten

It hasn't been a good couple of days. I'm not feeling well. The only good thing is that now I know why I'm not feeling well. There's just nothing that can be done about it. I have been doing a lot of reading about the kidney disease I have been recently diagnosed with. Here are a few tidbits of information I have found out:

--Flare ups of the disease cause fever, sore throat, chills. Flu like symptoms. Those are what I'm having now.

--People with this type of kidney disease are not allowed to take any kind of pain relief whatsoever. They are all hard on the kidneys and will speed up the progresion on the disease. So even though I feel rotten, I can take nothing to make me feel better.

--Another side effect is abdominal pain. That explains why I was having pain when it was nowhere near my period. I had chalked it up to the endometriosis, but it was the kidney disease causing it. Again, I can take nothing to alleviate the pain.

--My nephrologist does NOT reccomend for us to get pregnant. The risks are much higher for myself and the baby. So we are officially done trying. I had thought I would feel some dissapointment over that, but right now I just feel numb and a tiny bit relieved. At least it wasn't my choice to take that small hope away from my husband. It isn't my fault.

--The doctor put me on a trial dose of Prednisone to see if it would help stop the protein leaking into my urine, as I do have a signifigant amount. One of the side effects is weight gain. He says there is probably no way around that. So now I face a dilemma. Do I continue to go to weight watchers and pay the fee, even though it is likely I will not be losing, but gaining weight? I have lost fifteen pounds so far and the thought of not only stopping the weight loss, but actually gaining it back makes me want to cry. Joe thinks I should continue on the program on my own, but save the money I would be paying them to look into some homeopathic remedies for pain relief.

--I have to figure out how I am going to get through three more cycles without the heavy duty pain killers my gynecologist had prescribed for the endomoetriosis, which work quite well. I can't schedule a hysterectomy for at least three months, until I am done with the predinisone.

--Overall I am sad, and scared, and confused. And feeling rotten. With no relief in sight.

--I don't want to completely bum you all out, so here are two things that aren't depressing. The meds the psychiatrist put me on do seem to be working(despite the above post). Also, the adoption is right on track. I have the medical forms, and I an hopeful that we could be DTC no later than July. Everything else pales in comparison to that, right?

Friday, June 09, 2006

A Zillion Zoo Pictures

A good time was had at the zoo today. It wasn't crowded at all, and most of the animals were out. We stayed until it was past closing time! Then we went and had Mexican food and I used all of my flex points for the week. And it was worth it! Here a a zillion pictures. Sorry for all the animal pictures, but every time we came upon a different cage, I thought that animal was the cutest. There were a lot of baby animals too. Wouldn't you know it, we waited until the very end of our trip to go see the Pandas. The minute we walked into the exhibit, my camera died and I only got one picture. It figures!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo, how about you, you you...

Sorry. I just had a Raffi moment. In a desparate attempt to get my mind off of the events of this week, my husband had decided we must get out of the house tomorrow and do something fun. I have tomorrow off, as today was the last day of school. Summer program starts Monday. Anyhoo, we have decided to go to the San Diego Zoo. It has been a few years since we went, and I just love their comercials about the new Monkey Trails exhibit(the commercial features an English fellow translating the monkey talk into words. They're hilarious). I'm excited. It's better than sitting at home scouring the internet for the two diseases I have recently been diagnosed with. Much better. In adoption news, I have both the letter from my nephrologist AND my medical records in my hot little hands. Finally! After four long months of waiting. It is such a relief. I can't even begin to explain the feeling of relief. So our dossier is complete. Ready to be sent. Our social worker will send us a copy of the homestudy on Monday, and we'll go over it for accuracy. She said that she wrote us a "highly favorable" homestudy, whatever that means. It sounds good. So it looks like we could actually be DTC sometime in the next month or two. Hallelujah! That's all I care about right now. The health issues will work themselves out. I have to make some serious life changes, but I know it will be O.K. We're going to have a baby. Nothing else matters but that.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Here is an actual conversation that occurred in my house last night. I am sitting with my computer, searching the internet for the big scary mental illness that shall not be named. I was delving into the more serious cases, which have some scary symptoms. So the following conversation took place:
Me: Wow. This mental illness is serious. I can't believe my doctor diagnosed me with it.
Him: Gives me the look, which means, it's fine, you don't have an extreme case. Get off the computer now.
Me: No, I mean it. It is a pretty frightening disease. I can't believe you aren't scared to be around me!
Him: (With a totally straight face) Who says I'm not scared to be around you?
Me: Stunned silence, followed by hysterical laughing, shortly followed by hysterical sobbing because I think that he is not kidding.

Yeah, he's a funny guy, my husband.

P.S. I spoke with the social worker today and am feeling much calmer about the letter. I have much more to write about it, but I am totally exhausted and just can't right now. Maybe later.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The biopsy results are in....

And they aren't great. Not a great day overall, in terms of news regarding my mental and physical health. You see, I had two different doctor appoinments today. One with a new psychiatrist, and the other with the nephrologist to go over the results of my kidney biospy. The psychiatrist was first. I have been looking for a new psychiatrist since Christmas. I simply was not happy with my current psychiatrist, who had no idea who I was after seeing her for seven months, and who also told me that to solve my PMS, I should just not worry about it. Put it out of my mind. Yeah, O.K. So I asked around, and my therapist finally came back with a referral for one that her other clients liked and would actually recommend. After one and a half months of looking! Apparently not many people are happy with their psychiatrists. So I saw him today. And I love him. He is wonderful. Third time is a charm I guess! He spent forty-five minutes with me. He asked me a zillion questions. He took copious notes. The diagnosis he came up with almost made me fall out of my chair. I have always been very open and honest on this blog, about everything. But I am not ready to share this. It's scary. It's embarrassing. It is almost unbelievable. And yet, when I lool back at my history, it fits. He says I am "borderline", or only "slightly", but still I AM. He gave me some pretty heavy duty medication to try. Medication that previously I would have only associated with crazy people. But I can't share any of it right now. I don't know when(or if) I will be able to share it. People have serious preconceived notions about a mental illness like this, and I don't want to be judged. I certainly don't want anyone at work to find out. I work with kids for Gosh sakes! Would you want a crazy person watching your kids? I wouldn't. So for the time being, feel free to move me from "Adoption" to "Crazy" in your blog links section, but I can't talk about it right now. It is too new. It is too raw. And I am too scared.
So on to the appointment with the nephrologist. The biospy results came back, and I have IgA Nephropathy, or Berger's Disease. It is an autoimmune disease of the kidneys. There is no cure. It is a degenerative disease, which means it might not be severe now, but in fifteen years the damage to my kidneys could be irreparable. The only treatment is to control my blood pressure and keep my cholesterol levels low, which they are now. I don't have much more to say about it. It is not a common disease. There doesn't appear to be a lot that can be done about it, except to let it run its course. And hope for slow progression. I am terrified. I am devastated. It is unclear as to how this will affect the adoption. My doctor said he will write a letter for me. However, we don't know if the letter will be sufficient. There is no way he can honestly say this will not affect my life expectancy, and that is what the social worker said the letter needs to say. We won't know any more until the letter comes in the mail. At that point we will forward it to our social worker and ask if it is good enough. So more waiting ensues. I can't take much more. I cried all the way home. I cried in the grocery store. I'm stitting here crying as I type this. I can't stop. I know that it could be worse. I could have Cancer, or something else horrible and terminal. I am lucky not to have a myriad of awful diseases that people are diagnosed with on a daily basis. But this is not what I expected. I expected something that can be treated. Or cured. My plate is already full. There is no room for anything else. I am already overwhelmed with the chronic pain due to the endometriosis. Totally overwhelmed. It's time for me to go take some of those heavy duty drugs the psychiatrist prescribed.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Cell Phone Bling

I finally found a cell phone case that fits my cell phone. I needed one that clipped onto my pants, since my cell phone has ITunes and I want to listen to it when I go walking. Anyway, I ordered it off of E-Bay, and it came today. I thought it looked a little too plain, so I added a little bit of bling to it(a little?). I am quite happy with the way it turned out. I got the Swarovski crystals at the bead show months ago for six bucks. I saw someone at the Mall doing this for people on their phones and cases and she was charging like fifty dollars! Mine cost just $16.00, and that's including the case. I love a good deal. Hmmm...maybe I should start a side business!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Another glorious Sunday

Here are some pictures from our beautiful day today. We attempted to go to the Temecula Valley Wine and Balloon Festival. I say "attempted" because it was my brilliant idea to go at 12:00 in the afternoon. Ummm...this was the weather in Temecula Valley today. It was hot. Miserably hot. And we were there during the hottest part of the day. Thanks to me! Apparently I can't take that kind of heat. I don't know what has changed, because I was in China in August, people, and there is no heat like that, I'm telling you! I was fine in China. It must be the high blood pressure or something, because I could not take the heat. I got deathly ill and almost passed out. Joe came very close to calling the medic, but I talked him out of it. How embarrassing! So we stayed about forty five minutes before I had to get out of the heat. Bummer. Next time we'll know to go later in the day. We didn't get to see any balloons either, aside from that orange one. We were told the balloons launch early in the morning, and then come down because of the winds, and launch again in the evening. Bummer again. But hey, now we know, right? The day wasn't a complete waste, because I took Joe to two of my favorite wineries that I knew about from my trip there without him in February. That was fun. First we visited Thornton Winery. I had to pick up a bottle of my favorite sparkling wine, Almondage. It is sooooo yummy. We have decided to put it away and save it for when I have lost 40 pounds. Yeah, it'll be awhile. Something to look forward to! We also visited Longshadow Ranch and Winery. I love it there. It is so beautiful. We spent about an hour there, kickin' back in the shade under their misters. I love the horses too. They are Belgians. One of my best childhood friends had a Belgian when I was growing up, so I have a soft spot for them. They're so cute. I had a horse growing up too, until I was twenty-five, but had to give it up when I was in college. That's a story for another time. Anyway, another great weekend come to an end. Hope yours was good too.

P.S. Want to know the best part of the trip? The hour long ride up and back with the air conditioning blasting listening to oldies from the 60's and 70's on the radio with my husband. Neil Diamond, Lionel Richie, the Eagles, the Beatles, even Micheal Jackson. I think we might be getting old! I love spending time with my hubby.

Friday, June 02, 2006


Here's what we had for dinner tonight. I love Summer!

Pictures from the beach

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Up and around

Yep, I am finally up and around today, and actually left the house. I'm not having any pain anymore, just stiffness. I was so down in the dumps about the doctor's letter that Joe even agreed to take me to the mall for some retail therapy. Now that's a switch! I wanted to buy something for Sophie, to remind me that this will happen, regardless of how long it takes. The only problem is, I was so bummed I couldn't find anything to buy! Now I know this is serious! In fact, Joe left Old Navy with a bag full of shorts and shirts, and I got nada. I think I need to see a doctor or something, because this is so unlike me! I can't really buy her any clothes yet, as we have no idea of her age or even what season it will be when we bring her home. I was hoping to buy something for her room, but my heart just wasn't in it. One good thing is that we went to Pottery Barn Kids and I think we are coming closer to agreeing on a color scheme/theme for Sophie's room. Please tell me there are others of you out there whose husbands want this much creative input on your child's nursery! We really like this collection. Or this one. Now I just have to see if I can find something similiar to that somewhere else, because there is no way we can afford PBK. I'm feeling a little better now. I'm finally going to work tomorrow. A big one day work week. I hope I can handle it! :) Well, gotta go. I have to get to bed at a decent time tonight so I can get up at 5:30 a.m. Yuck!