I can’t remember what it is like for my husband to have a job.

I can’t remember how it felt for him to leave me asleep in my bed, giving me a kiss before he left for the day.

I can’t remember coming home after work and making dinner, waiting for the sound of his car in the carport. 

I can’t remember not having to worry constantly about money.  I can’t remember having a sense of security.

I can’t remember the last time we could make ends meet.

I can’t remember going out to eat and to the movies like it was nothing. I can’t remember when our last vacation was.

I can’t remember ever feeling this stressed out all the time.

I can’t remember ever praying for something so much and having nothing change.

I can’t remember when I didn’t feel resentment towards him.  I can’t remember when we didn’t fight about his unemployment.

I can’t remember how it felt to sit in his classroom during a night class watching him teach.  I can’t remember coming out from our bedroom  in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, seeing him sitting on the floor at the coffee table grading papers.  I can’t remember the pride in his voice when he spoke of his students. 

I can’t remember the spark that he used to have in his eyes.  I can’t remember the last time he felt like he was worth something.

I can’t remember what it was like when my husband had a job.






That has been rolling around in my head ever since I saw a similar (much better written) post on another blog. It feels good to have it out of my head.










It doesn't look like I got that job I was hoping for.  I called twice to follow up with the person who interviewed me and they haven't returned my phone calls. 


I know that this wasn't the job for me. I know there are better things out there. I know these things. But I still feel a deep sense of rejection and a sense of sorrow that  I didn't get it.


Oh well.  C'est la vie.  


It's a three day weekend, the weather is supposed to be beautiful and I don't intend to sit around inside all day feeling sorry for myself.


Dragon Boat practice starts tomorrow.  Woo hoo!


Then if I can still stand upright after that, a hike in the canyon on Sunday.


What are your plans for Memorial Day?  Anything fun?