Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I have a million thoughts swirling around in my head right now.

I've spent the last two weeks trying to get used to my new "normal".

This is so strange.  I have been married for twenty years (20 years!!)

Joe and I have been together for 25 this january.

This is the longest we have been apart.  I think ever. 

We aren't seeing each other during the week.  This is my choice, and it's what I feel is best for us (me) right now.

I have been seeing him on the weekends.    I haven't been feeling a lot of the anger and resentment I was feeling when we were living together. That has been nice. For both of us I'm sure.

It has been a difficult adjustment getting used to only one income.  The bills just keep coming in and I wonder how I'm going to pay them all.  Tomorrow I am having to get a new tire for my car.  Still not sure where that money is going to come from.

It will all work out I suppose. If there is one thing I have learned through all of this, it's that worrying won't change anything. 

So I try not to do it.  I am not always successful.

I've been trying to get into yoga again.  I'm hoping it will help with some of the stress these last few weeks has brought. I love the way I feel afterwards.  Not so sure about during, but after I always feel better.

It has been hot here the last two weeks.  Hot and humid. We don't get that very often and it's icky.  I hope it cools down soon.

I really want to get back together with my husband.  I don't know when that will be, but I really want it.  I think some people in my life have forgotten that. It's so easy to take sides, or say not nice things about him.  It's hurtful to me and not helpful at all. I don't really care much how YOU feel about my husband.  The only thing that matters is how I feel. 

You know what they say....if you can't say something nice then just be quiet.

That's exactly why I haven't said anything about my in laws.  I don't have anything nice to say. They have treated me awful in the past and now is no exception. I don't know why I am surprised, but I am about some of the things they have done and said. You can't argue with people who aren't rational though,
and they aren't so I don't. Not a lot more to say about that.

I miss my dog.  A lot.

I love my job.  I really do.  My commute now is 45 minutes there and an hour home (traffic..blah).  I was thinking today that there is no way I would be able to drive that far to work if it was for a job that I didn't love.  So thankful that I do.

Told you that was a lot of thoughts swirling around.  Maybe now that they are out of my head I can sleep.

Good night.


Nicole said...

I wonder where you will be a year from now. I am glad we all have "a year from now" so that we can grow, change, and evolve. Perhaps that is just what you and your husband need- a future.

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

so glad to hear from you! I hope you slept well after your post. You are a brave woman putting it all out here. You know I admire that about you.


Briana's Mom said...

Glad to read that you are hanging in there. You really are being so strong about all of this.

My in-laws stink too. I don't even speak to them anymore. So I totally get where you are coming from.

Journeywoman said...

Keep hanging in!