Tuesday, September 04, 2012

(un) settled

I am getting settled in my new place, so in that regards I am feeling a bit more settled.

And yet I am still feeling very unsettled inside. Emotionally.  There have been so many changes in such a short period of time.  A lot of the time I feel nervous and scared.

My sister's cat is at a kennel near where I am living now.  She is staying there until we can find a solution for getting her home.  Right now the best option is to ship her there but I'm still working out the details.

I feel bad that she is in a strange place so I am visiting her after I get off work.  She is always so happy to see me and she purrs the whole time. 

Tonight while I was there I was so exhausted. It takes me about an hour to get home now.   They gave me a private exam room to visit with her.  The last time I was in a vet's office we put gizmo to sleep. I think I have been repressing those feelings because I was so overcome with emotion that I sat on the floor in the vet's office with my sister's cat on my lap(while she purred) and cried my eyes out.

I am the queen of crying in inappropriate places.

I cried about losing gizmo(and my sister's cat)

I cried about losing my home.

I cried about what's happening to my marriage.  Still trying to maintain some semblance of privacy for joe, but I am saddened about  how some things are playing out.
If you had told me a month ago that some of the things I am dealing with now were going to happen, I would have said you were crazy. But things get so tangled up when there is so much chaos and tension and feelings involved.

It has been very difficult.

I really like where I am now.  I can see myself being happy here, for however long that might end up being.

And so I am feeling a little more settled, but still a bit unsettled.

1 comment:

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

I have had you on my mind so much these past few days. I wish I could help.

love to you.