I am getting settled in my new place, so in that regards I am feeling a bit more settled.
And yet I am still feeling very unsettled inside. Emotionally. There have been so many changes in such a short period of time. A lot of the time I feel nervous and scared.
My sister's cat is at a kennel near where I am living now. She is staying there until we can find a solution for getting her home. Right now the best option is to ship her there but I'm still working out the details.
I feel bad that she is in a strange place so I am visiting her after I get off work. She is always so happy to see me and she purrs the whole time.
Tonight while I was there I was so exhausted. It takes me about an hour to get home now. They gave me a private exam room to visit with her. The last time I was in a vet's office we put gizmo to sleep. I think I have been repressing those feelings because I was so overcome with emotion that I sat on the floor in the vet's office with my sister's cat on my lap(while she purred) and cried my eyes out.
I am the queen of crying in inappropriate places.
I cried about losing gizmo(and my sister's cat)
I cried about losing my home.
I cried about what's happening to my marriage. Still trying to maintain some semblance of privacy for joe, but I am saddened about how some things are playing out.
If you had told me a month ago that some of the things I am dealing with now were going to happen, I would have said you were crazy. But things get so tangled up when there is so much chaos and tension and feelings involved.
It has been very difficult.
I really like where I am now. I can see myself being happy here, for however long that might end up being.
And so I am feeling a little more settled, but still a bit unsettled.