Did you ever get up in the morning with the intention of cleaning/organizing/purging your house because you are having guests come and stay with you next weekend(me Sees-ter is coming next weekend-yay!), but halfway through you got tired and you looked around your house and realized you didn't feel like cleaning anymore and all you want to do is go lay on the couch but your house is now a total disaster? Yeah. Welcome to my world:

Somebody help me. Please.

Thank you to everyone who posted here or e-mailed me with advice/suggestions. I guess it really wasn't fair to say that my agency wasn't being helpful. They have tried to answer all of my questions. What they wouldn't do is give me a specific list of things that we will have to have under the new Hague rules. They want me to sign a contract with them first. To update our paperwork with them under the new Hague guidelines they charge $1,200.00. Does that seem exorbitant to anyone else(besides me?). Twelve. Hundred. Dollars. To re-do paperwork that we have already done once before. I'm sorry. That seems outrageous to me. That's why I was asking about changing agencies at this state in the game. I wanted to get started on some of the things that were needed, and then sign the contract and pay the fee when we were ready to turn everything in. Bu they say they need the money first, so they can help us obtain some of the necessary items. It makes no sense to me. After much discussion we have decided to wait. The way things are moving right now we have at least two more years to go, and I am NOT renewing again(if I can help it). Especially at $1200. That amount doesn't even include the $125 per person fingerprinting fees, plus the $750 dollars to file the paperwork with the gov't. We have a few issues we have to work out before we can renew anyway that will take a couple of months, so right now we plan on waiting until after Christmas before looking at the situation again and deciding what to do. I am placing it in God's hands at this point. I can't tell you what a sense of peace I felt as soon as I decided that(yesterday). All of the worry and anxiety simply left me. Everything will work itself out. In time.

Olympians to Watch-Liu Xiang China

Born: 13 July 1983

Birthplace: Shanghai (China)

Nationality: Chinese

Sport: Athletics

ATTENDANCE AT THE OLYMPIC GAMES

Athens 2004


AWARDS

Olympic medals:

Gold: 1


Chinese Track Breakthrough


As a child, Liu Xiang was a high jumper until his sports school asked him to give up the event because a bone test showed that he would not grow tall enough to become a world-class jumper. He began training as a hurdler in 1998. In 2002 Liu broke Renaldo Nehemiah's 24-year-old world junior record for the 110m hurdles. The following year he earned a bronze medal at the World Championships of Athletics and stamped himself as a medal contender for the 2004 Olympics, although he was not considered a favourite for the gold. However, in the final, Liu's technique was nearly perfect as he barely touched the sixth hurdle and cleared all of the others cleanly. He powered to a victory of almost three metres. In so doing, he tied the 11-year-old world record of 12.91 seconds. Liu was the first Chinese man to win an Olympic gold medal in athletics. Only 21 years old at the time of his victory, Liu vowed to defend his title when the Olympics come to Beijing in 2008.

Source: IOC

Help Needed

If there is anyone out there who has let their paperwork expire and is now updating their paperwork under the new Hague guidelines, could you please contact me? I am confused and frustrated and my agency is not being helpful. How much did your agency charge to do a Hague update? Is is possible to switch home study agencies at this point? Any information you might have would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much. scrappermg@cox.net

Olympians to Watch-Paul Hamm USA

Gymnastics
United States
Age: 25

As the defending Olympic men's champion, Hamm has a lot riding on his return to the rings. His Athens medal was contested by the South Korean runner-up, and not until the Court of Arbitration for Sport declared the gold was his, two months after the Games, could Hamm enjoy his victory. He's back to prove he deserves the title, but it won't be easy. While warming up for the national championships in May, Hamm broke his hand on the parallel bars, requiring surgery and seven weeks to recover.

We interrupt this week's Olympic fever........

To bring you a rant. Or a temper tantrum. Or a complete and total meltdown. Whichever of those things best describes the situation that went on at our house last night, which subsequently ended with me crying myself to sleep and waking up this morning with my eyes swollen almost shut.

And I can't even share it here with you all. Sigh.

This adoption is kicking my butt.

It has to do with updating our paperwork and a huge problem that we just found out about last night(via e-mail).

This of course has had us on the phone with both of our agencies this morning(we have a home study agency for the American side of things and a placing agency for the China side), trying to figure the whole thing out but right now it is a hot mess and I'm just so tired of it all.

Last night I was sad. Today I am angry.

Why can't any of this be easy?

How can "the powers that be" expect two people's lives to stay exactly the same and not have changed at all in a three year period of time(when we started this whole process)?

Everything has changed for us in the last 3 years. Our address. Our jobs. Our income level. Our doctors.

Why do they have to change the rules, making it more difficult for us to obtain the information that they require? (Although it is totally our fault that we have to adhere to the new requirements. But still-why did they have to change them?)

Why is China taking so freaking long, which is requiring us to do all of this over again in the first place?

WHY?!?!?

After lengthy conversations with both agencies it appears that all will work out. But first we must spend hours and hours of time obtaining all of the information that they need and mucho dinero to bring things back to where they should be.

If you are the praying type, could you spare one for us? We're gonna be needing them.

Olympians to Watch-Yang Wei CHINA

Gymnastics
China
Age: 28

By most measures of success, Yang Wei should be a happy man. In 2006 and 2007 the 28-year-old gymnast won the men's all-around World Championships. Outside of the competition hall, Yang was selected to serve as a deputy to China's parliament, the National People's Congress. And this June, Yang was honored in his home province by being selected as the lead torchbearer when the Olympic flame relay passed through provincial capital Wuhan. But Yang is still hungry, unable to forget the 2004 Olympics in Athens when he fell from the horizontal bar and missed the gold. Yang will be looking to make up for that failure and is considered a strong contender for a gold both in the team and all-around individual competitions as well as possibly on the parallel bars and the rings.

Olympians to Watch-Sheila Taormina USA

I have to admit I don't usually watch the "Modern Pentathalon" events, but this story touched me because she has a history of depression. Like me. And look what she can do!

Modern Pentathlon
United States
Age: 39

Want Olympic drama? Taormina, the first woman to qualify for the Olympics in three sports, has struggled with depression as she wondered why she was still chasing the Olympics in her late 30s. Her psychological struggle has had a physical counterpart: She's had to fend off a stalker, who went to prison for five years but was released earlier this year (he has steered clear). And she fought, and won, a spot on the modern pentathlon team, even though she had never fired a gun, picked up an épee, or ridden more horse than a kiddie-ride pony before starting the sport three years ago (modern pentathlon combines swimming, running, fencing, shooting, and equestrian). Taormina won a swimming relay gold in Atlanta in 1996, and competed in the triathlon the past two Olympics. She's back for a historic turn, which will surely raise the profile of modern pentathlon, also known in your Olympic program as "what the hell is that?"

Olympians to Watch- Guo Yue CHINA

Sport: Table Tennis
China
Age:20

Guo Yue has already made a mark on one of China's most storied sports. Born in the frigid northeastern province of Liaoning, Guo picked up a paddle at age six and started working her way through the rest of China. It didn't take her long. She rose through provincial competitions to a spot on the national team in 2000. Wins at the World Championships in 2007 against Li Xiaoxia and first-ranked Zhang Yining secured Guo's reputation as one of the golden girls of the game. She will play alongside Zhang as one of three members on China's women's team. The youngster on the team, the left-handed Guo is also the only one who hasn't won an Olympic gold. Zhang won both singles and doubles at Athens. Her doubles partner at Athens and Beijing teammate Wang Nan won golds in singles and doubles at Sydney. The fiercest competition is expected from the Republic of Korea and a fast-rising Singapore. Guo suffered a disappointing loss to Singaporean Li Jiawei at the 49th World Team Table Tennis Championships earlier this year. The pressure is on to see if Guo can win at Beijing and preserve China's historic dominance of the sport.

Check out the cool widget at the top of my blog showing the medal counts for the Olympics, with a Map of each country where the medal came from. It's from G**gle Earth. You can get one here. Too cool!

Olympic Pride

I love the Olympics. I always have. I remember watching them as a child, and have continued to do so into adulthood.

Joe and I will often stay in on the weekends, watching hours and hours of Olympic Events.

It is so exciting that the Olympics are in China this year, a place I have been, and hope to go again.

In honor of the Olympics, over the next 16 days I will be posting about some Olympians to look out for. I got (most of) them off of Time's list of 100 Olympic Athletes to Watch. I narrowed them down to only athletes from China or the US, and from the sports I enjoy watching the most.

So here are my three words for this week:
Stay tuned tomorrow for the first of many Olympians to watch!

Okay people, you asked for it. There's a Christmas ticker for ya.

I went to a Karaoke birthday party last night for my very good friend. I had Joe take a picture of me because I had done my hair and makeup and I was leaving the house past 9:00 and I wanted photographic evidence of it:
Here's me with the birthday girl:

Monica and I have been friends since we were 13 years old. That's 24 years! Pretty cool.

And No, I didn't sing this time. Last time a group of us sang "Friends in Low Places", but I just wasn't feeling it last night.

Monica and many other attendees did sing, and I have some video to prove it, but I won't post that here. I think they would thank me for that :)

I stayed out way too late(Joe had to work), and didn't get home until after 2:30 a.m!

I was dead tired today because of it though and consequently missed an appointment this morning and lunch with my Dad. :(

Me and no sleep do not mix well. It's OK, Joe assures me he'll stay up with Sophie in the middle of the night and let me sleep. I knew there was a reason I married that man.

Christmas Presents

Did you know there are only 139 days until Christmas? Well there are! And that's not really that long. That's why I have already started thinking about Christmas gifts. I knew this Christmas was going to be a little tight, money wise, so I already knew that most of my gifts were going to be handmade. Here's one item that I will be making(although this one is for a friend's birthday).


I'm making a bunch of these in different color schemes. They will have different sayings too. Some will have scriptures on them, some will be personalized with the Family's name, and others will have a saying similar to this one. I'm very pleased with how this one came out. I hope the receivers enjoy them! I am working on something else kind of cool too, so stay tuned!

I'm thinking about being really obnoxious and putting a Christmas counter underneath the LID counter at the top of my blog. Maybe not. That's pretty obnoxious :) But Dude! Only 139 more days!

Happy Birthday to My Nephew

Today is my nephew's birthday. He's turning 7. How is that even possible?

Happy Birthday Cameron! Aunt Michelle and Uncle Joe love you!
We'll celebrate when you come to visit in a couple of weeks.


♥ Get Cute MySpace Graphics & Lyts ♥

I Hate Ants

That's pretty much all I have to say on the subject. I mostly just wanted to move that last post down a bit. Just reading the first sentence gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I am happy report that I had no dreams(good, bad, or otherwise) last night. Now back to making dinner.........:)

These Dreams

It was late at night when we arrived at the airport. We had no luggage. I found this to be odd. But I didn't question it. We boarded a plane.

There were other people there. Strangers, yet we knew them somehow. We didn't speak to each other, but smiled knowingly at each couple as we passed them down the aisle of the plane.

We passed the time dozing in and out of sleep. There was a movie playing. The flight crew served food. We didn't eat. We just stayed in our seats, clutching each other's hand.

The fight was long, yet it seemed as though we reached our destination in an instant after takeoff.

There were people there to meet us. They corralled us into a bus and whisked us off to our hotel.

Still no one spoke. There was a sense of nervousness in the air, anticipation. We reached the hotel. We were not taken to our rooms.

We were herded into a large conference room. It was a large group. Maybe thirty or forty other people besides us.

We were given lanyards, to be placed around our necks. At the end of the necklace was a square laminated piece of card stock. There were different colors.

On it was our first and last names, along with some words in Chinese.

We were separated into groups according to the color of our necklace. Blue, Red, Yellow.

Our necklaces were Yellow. The head of the agency was there. He stood up and made a speech. I couldn't understand his words. They were garbled. Like he was talking underwater.

One of the guides stood up and motioned for the Yellow group to come forward. The tension in the room was thick. People were crying. I was scared. I held on to Joe's hand for dear life.

He remained calm, as always. The guide lined us up, side by side at one end of the room.

At the other end of the room was a door.

The door opened and inside came Chinese women, one by one. In their arms they held babies. Beautiful, dark haired, almond eyed babies.

One by one the guide called out the names of each couple in our group.
One by one the Chinese women came forward and placed their babies into the arms of each couple.

There was crying. Tears being shed by both babies and couples. It was hot in the room. Sweat trickled down my back.

We waited for our turn. We were last. Things started moving in slow motion. It seemed they would never get to us.

Soon the couple next to us started to move away, their baby safely ensconced in their arms.

We were the last remaining couple. I surveyed the room. There were no more babies. The Chinese women were filing out of the room, through the door from which they came.

We were left standing in the middle of the room. No one noticed us or said anything to us.
I felt a sense of panic. "Wait!" I wanted to scream. " What about us? What about our baby?"

No words would come out. I turned to Joe. He smiled at me, seemingly oblivious to what was happening.

I motioned for the guide to come over to us. She was a young Chinese girl, in her twenties. She looked at me as if to say "What? Is something the matter?" No words were spoken between us. I motioned to the other couples and their babies. I jabbed my finger in our direction to convey the fact that we had not received a baby.

She looked puzzled. Then a look of understanding came over her face. She motioned to the next group of couples, the Red group. She indicated that we should get at the end of that line, that we would receive our baby then.

I held up my Yellow necklace. "But we're in the Yellow group! All of the other couples in the Yellow group received their babies! Why not us?"
She didn't answer. She just smiled an understanding smile and pointed towards the Red group.

I was beginning to panic. I could feel hot tears start to well up behind my eyes. I fought them back, as Joe pulled me forward, toward the Red group.

We stood in line with the couples in the Red group. Again, one by one the Chinese women filed through the door and handed off their charges to the couples in the group.

Again we received no baby. I could hold back the tears no longer. They flowed freely, as I motioned for the guide again, trying to convey the fact that once again we had not received a baby.

She look confused. She went over and spoke to the head of the agency. He looked over at us and with a look of sympathy, pointed to the Blue Group.

I was sobbing now, almost to the point of hyperventilating. We went and stood at the end of the Blue Group's line. Yet again each couple received a baby from one of the Chinese women, and yet again we were left standing, alone, in the center of the room.

After a few minutes the guides began herding the new families towards the opposite door, out of the room.

"No! We can't leave! We don't have our baby! Can't you see? Where's Sophie? I want Sophie!"

But still, no words would come out of my mouth. I was unable to speak. I was in a complete and total panic at this point.

One by one the couples filed out of the room. The head of the agency turned once before leaving and gave us a sad look, as if to say "I'm sorry."

I heard someone screaming. There was no one in the room but us. I looked around, trying to see where the screaming was coming from.



And then I woke up. And realized the screaming was coming from me. I was in my bed. Soaked in sweat, tears rolling down my face, my pillow soaked with them. My own screaming had woken me from this horrible dream.

I very rarely dream. And I almost never remember them when I do.

But this dream(shall we call it a nightmare?) left me feeling shaken, with a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I got up and immediately wrote it down, every detail that I could recall.

I'm not sure the retelling of it adequately conveys the panic I felt, the terror. It took me several minutes to calm my beating heart, wipe away my tears and try to go back to sleep.

Try, I say, because I never was able to drift off back to sleep.

I had a dream very similar to this awhile back, though not with this much detail. At least not that I was able to remember so vividly.

I think this post by Joannah brought that dream back into my subconscious.

It has been rolling around in my head ever since.

Maybe I just needed to work this out in my sleep.

This fear I have, that this adoption isn't going to work out. That at the end of this infinite journey we will still be childless.

I hope that I got it out of my system because that was not the most pleasant way to wake up this morning.

Tonight I'm taking a sleeping pill. :)




So I guess my three words for this week would be:

I may not be around much over the weekend. Joe and I are sharing a computer because one of ours died(gosh, I hope they can fix it). Since he's teaching a summer online class, he gets priority over he computer because it's for work. Yeah, whatever. I tried to tell him that blogging is important too, but he's not going for it. I can read some blogs on my lunch break at work, but there isn't a lot of time to comment. Bummer.

I don't really have a lot to say right now anyway, so here's a Meme I borrowed from Shanny.

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes. Especially in a "wedge" salad, with tomatoes and red onions and candied pecans. Yum!

2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Yes. It was awful. It burned my lungs and then I had an asthma attack. I don't understand how people can do that!

3. Do you own a gun? No.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? What's Sonic?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Yes. You would think I would be used to it by now, but I still hate it.

6. Do you like hot-dogs? Not really.

7. Favorite Christmas Song? Sleigh Ride

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Nothing. I can't eat or drink anything for a good hour after I get out of bed.

9. Can you do push-ups? Maybe one. The girl kind, with my knees on the floor.

10. What’s your favorite meal? Mexican Food.

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring

12. Favorite hobby? Is blogging a hobby? If not, scrapbooking, not that I have been doing any of that as of late.

13. Do you work with people who idolize you? I think my friend DeAnn probably snorted when she read this one. That would be a No.

14. Name a trait that you hate about yourself? Negative thoughts and that I suffer from depression.

16. Middle name? Denise

17. Name 3 thoughts at this moment: What an ugly dress that is on Project Runway right now!(Joe is watching it). I really should be taking a shower right now. Why can't we ever get ahead financially?

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: I didn't spend a dime yesterday

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, iced tea, Crystal Light.

20. Current worry right now? I'm worried about money(shocker)

21. Current hate right now? Earthquakes

22. Favorite place to be? Home.

23. How did you bring in New Years? Watching Lisa and Scott's kids. Again.

24. Favorite place to go? Disneyland. Big Sur. San Francisco.

25. Name three people who will complete this? I really don't know.

26. Whose answer do you want to read the most? I'm not sure who else will do it!

27. What color shirt are you wearing? White w/black roses

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never done that. I imagine it would be very slippery!

29. Can you whistle? Some. Can't carry a tune while doing it though.

30. Favorite color(s)? Seafoam green. Pink

31. Would you be a pirate? I don't know. Possibly.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t. I sing in the car.

33. Favorite girl’s name? Ummmm..Sophie. Duh!

34. Favorite boy’s name? Aidan. Max.

35. What’s in your pocket right now? $5.00

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Today at dinner my friend's 2 year old little boy made me laugh, just with his cuteness.

37. Bed sheets as a child? I don't remember, but I'm thinking I must have had Strawberry Shortcake sheets. I loved Strawberry Shortcake as a kid.

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Broke my ankle when I was 13, falling off of my horse. Well, I didn't exactly fall. We were going over a jump and he decided I should go over, but he wasn't.

39. Do you love where you live? I love the city I live in, but I wish I lived in my own house, and not an apartment.

40. How many tv’s are in your house? 1

41. Who is your loudest friend? I don't have a lot of friends. And I'm pretty loud.

42. How many dogs do you have? One. Still missing the other one though. Sniff.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? My husband

45. What is your favorite book? Oh Gosh. There are so many!

46. What is your favorite candy? Any kind of sour candy. Yum.

47. What is your favorite sports team? I don't watch sports.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Somewhere over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World by that Hawaiian singer whose name is too long to type here.

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Sleeping.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? How happy I am that I don't have to be at work until 9 on Thursdays(instead of 8 like all the other days)

I tag whoever wants to play along. Let me know if you do though, so I can come check out your answers, k?)

Earthquake!

We just had a 5.8 magnitude earthquake centered about 25 miles from where I work. It scared me. A lot. I was on the phone leaving a message when it happened. Here's how that conversation went:

"Hello, this is Michelle from Dr. So and So's office and I was just calling to confirm your child's appt. at...............................And we're having an earthquake right now".

Click.

And I hung up on them.


There are no limits to my professional abilities people. No limits.

Seriously.

I've lived in CA my entire life and I'm just never prepared these things.

Hate. Earthquakes.

Hate.


1:00 p.m. Update-the earthquake was just downgraded from a 5.8 to a 5.4. And the epicenter was located 7 miles underground, meaning it really wouldn't feel like much more than a 5.0. So there is a slight possibility that I over reacted. Slight.

I think it scared me mostly because I sit in front of some very large glass windows and they rattled pretty hard and I was afraid they would shatter all over me. I was ready to get the heck out of Dodge, if you know what I mean, while some of my co-workers didn't seem to be phased by it too much.

And no, Tracy, there was no damage or injuries reported, aside from some grocery stores losing some items off of their shelves nearer to the epicenter.

Dragon Boat Races and Three Words

I'm back from my weekend at the Dragon Boat Races. I have been trying to come up with the proper words to describe my experience this weekend, and all I can come up with is:

Wow.

What a truly amazing experience. The fun, the excitement, the camaraderie, the teamwork. All of it. So cool.

I participated in two races on Saturday and one race today.

In my first race yesterday, we came in sixth.

Ummm....out of six. Yeah. Last place.

In my second race, we also came in sixth. Out of six.

Remember when I said we were a non-competitive team? :)

But in the second race the fifth place boat only beat us by one second! One. Second. And the fourth place boat only beat us by two seconds.

But today we rallied and raced our best race yet and we came in Fourth place! Oh my Gosh, you would have thought we won the entire race, as excited as we were.

This has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life and I Can. Not. Wait.
Until next year.

For now, I am sunburned to a crisp(Sunscreen. Hmph. Apparently you have to reapply it many times throughout the day. Which I forgot to do).

And so sore I can barely hobble to the bathroom.

But it's a good kind of sore. It's an-I accomplished something I never in a million years thought a fat chick could accomplish- kind of sore.

And I feel gooooooood.

And totally out of my funk.

For sure.

I'm off now to lie prone on the couch for the rest of the day. And probably break out that Ben-Gay cream I have lying around in the bathroom drawer somewhere :)

Here are a few pictures, with my three words for the week at the end.












That's our team in the race today, where we came in fourth place.

And my three words for this week:

Kicking Me When I'm Down

So I’ve been having kind of a lousy week. I’ve been feeling pretty emotional and overall just down.
Remember last Friday when I was taking pictures of my day and I went to Lowe’s and bought a new hanging plant for our front porch? (The one shown in this picture) It was a beautiful pink container of inpatients that I just looooved. It made me happy to look at it.

I spent this whole last week fussing over it. Watering it, pulling off the dead blooms, etc.

Well guess what? When I got up this morning and went outside to leave for work, it was gone.

I thought maybe Joe had taken it down to water it. I went back inside and asked him where it was. He responded with “What are you talking about? It should be right outside".

Nope. It’s gone. Missing.

Drat.

I can’t believe someone would have the nerve to steal it right off of my front porch. I live in one of the safest cities in America (someone told me this from some statistic they saw somewhere).

I don’t even have the energy to get mad about it. I just feel bummed.

Good timing, Universe.

I’m gonna have to snap out of my funk because I’ll be spending all day Saturday and Sunday at the Dragon Boat races.

Maybe the adrenaline of the races will help me snap out of it. I sure hope so. Sigh.