Saturday, March 25, 2006
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the last post. I probably shouldn't have shared the information regarding my breast. I don't want to scare anyone, especially my family. I should have waited until the second scan before I mentioned it. It's just that I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. The news came totally out of left field for me, because honestly I only had the mammogram because I had turned thirty five and didn't know my family history. I never in a million years thought the results would come back anything but completely normal. I was totally shocked when they said they wanted me to have a second scan. I'm feeling kind of alone in all of this too. Joe won't even talk about it. He says that everything is going to be fine, that it's just a cyst and since we can't do anything about it right now, why worry? I think he can't even entertain the thought of it being something bad. Everyone at work blew it off in the same fashion. They said that the second scan is only precautionary and it almost always turns out to be a cyst or something else not serious. It isn't just my imagination that is running wild with horrific thoughts of breast cancer. I have first hand experience with it. I've seen what it does to people, what it does to their family. It has claimed the lives of two moms at my workplace in the last two years. I saw what they went through. It terrified me. I know there's nothing that can be done now, but it's in my nature to worry. I am good at it. And so I guess I'll worry in silence for the next thirteen days. I think it may be the longest thirteen days of my life.