Crazy

It has been a hectic two days. So hectic, in fact that I had a meltdown in my car today, crying on the phone to my husband. Don't worry. He's used to these, and he knows exactly how to handle them. I am much better now. I am sitting at home on my couch in my sweatpants with my new computer on my lap. Ahhh..much better! (Did I forget to mention that I also have a pint of Hagen Dazs Triple Chocolate Ice Cream with me?) Anyway, the reason for the meltdown. I started my period today(thus the crying and the chocolate ice cream). Finally. I have been having a lot of pain this month and this means I'll finally be feeling better. Did anyone happen to notice how I didn't post even one entry about how much pain I have been in? Yup, I'm trying to keep the blog lighthearted and cheerful these days. Anyway, those weren't the only reasons for the meltdown. Yesterday I saw a Urologist. My primary doctor made me go see one because my urine test keeps coming back abnormal and he won't sign off on my med form for the adoption until he finds out why. So I went yesterday. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't even know what one was. I was kind of hoping to go there and tell him I was fine, and I just needed a note from him so I could get my medical form signed off. That's it. I wasn't expecting an exam, and I certainly wasn't expecting what he told me. So he comes into the room and starts going over my chart and he asks me why I am there. I tell him the only reason I am there is to get my medical form signed saying I am fine so that we can adopt a child. I tell him I am having no symptoms, and I don't even know what's wrong with my urine test results. He looks at the results and says "Well, you have blood in your urine." Then he pauses and looks at me kind of funny and continues "A lot of blood. Are you sure you aren't experiencing any other symptoms?" I tell him "No, I didn't even know about the blood, and I wouldn't have known if I hadn't had a physical". Then he asks me whether or not I have been having any pain. This is where it gets dicey. I told him "Yes, I have a lot of pain, every month, but that's because of Stage V endometroisis, not because of my bladder". And he says "Hmmm...I'm not so sure that's the case. I think it is possible that the pelvic pain from the endometroisis is masking the pain in your bladder. No one has that much blood in their urine unless there is a reason." By this time I am confused, and a little bit scared. I wasn't expecting this at all. So I ask him "What kinds of things would cause blood in your urine like that?" And he answers(slowly). "There are three probable causes. Cancer, a large kidney stone, or cysts in your bladder." Those were his exact words. He follows that statement by saying "Of course we would be least worried about the Cancer, given your age and family history." But I don't hear that part clearly because I'm thinking "What????? Did he say Cancer? What's he talking about? And what family history is he referring to? I clearly wrote "unknown" on that part of the form, and wrote "adopted" next to it. I don't know my family history you idiot! For all I know, my mother is dead of Cancer as we speak! And if you are least worried about that, why did you mention it first?" Luckily, that part of the conversation only occurred in my head! Instead I calmly answered "O.K. What do I do?" He said first I had to have an exam. I was a kind of nervous. I usually like to be a little more prepared when I have to take my pants off at the doctors. Now if you have never been examined my a urologist before, it is very similiar to a visit to the gynecologist. Except that it's a little different. It's a little, how should I say this, more intimate. Let's just say my husband hasn't been that intimate with me in a very long time! Your urethra lies on the upper lining of your woman parts, and is kind of hidden in the.........folds. Here is a very good site that explains it quite well. Caution. It is very graphic. Anyway, the exam was quite strange and I felt pretty uncomfortable. The doctor himself was very professional and he did nothing himself to make me uncomfortable, and there was nurse present too, of course. It's just that I am uncomfortable being touched in the places he had to touch me to do the exam. Anyway long(long) story short, I have to go back for a bunch more tests to detemine why there is blood(a lot of blood) in my urine. I get to have a camera put into my urethra, and I get to have a series of X-rays that takes 45 minutes to complete, while my bladder is full. Whooee, there is a lot of fun to be had by me in the next couple of weeks! Add to that my second mammogram on Thursday, and I think I may have had all the fun I can handle! Now I must go and throw something together for dinner quickly before Joe gets home because holy cow, it's 7:15 already and I haven't made dinner yet! This time change is really messing me up.