Saturday, April 29, 2006

Public Apology

Ummm..I would like to publicly apologize for last night's post. It stemmed entirely from my depressive state and my own insecurities, and was not targeted at anyone in particular. Thank you, thank you for those that left such nice comments. That wasn't the reason for the post(No, really, it wasn't), but it is nice to know that people do care. This has been a truly horrific week for me. It was hard for me to leave my sister's (darn it, we should just move there). I have been in a great deal of pain. I do not cope well when I am in pain. I had to go to the doctor and have some pretty uncomfortable tests that I am still feeling the residuals from(I never knew it could burn so much when you pee!). I hate going to the doctor even for a routine check up, let alone invasive tests! We have been worried about money lately, and the state of my husband's job situation. Then on Friday I got a notice in my mailbox at work that my health insurance premium is going up, and they are discontinuing free vision and dental. Grrrreat. This could end up costing us quite a bit, since I carry my husband and will carry Sophie on my insurance policy. My husband's job doesn't offer health insurance, as he is considered part-time at each separate school he works at. Sometimes I think we are crazy to be thinking about adding a child to all of this. We are barely providing for ourselves! Add all of those things with the fact that I'm going to start my period, and needless to say, I am an emotional wreck! My husband and I have been talking about the fact that it might be time for me to go ahead and have the hysterectomy I have been putting off. It should eliminate the monthly pain, and the severe PMS. Anyway, sorry for last night's late night post. I was not myself when I wrote it. I haven't seen that person since last summer, early Fall. I have made an appoinmment with my therapist on Monday, and an appointment for a new psychiatrist next week. I might still take a short break form posting, but I haven't decided. I like writing on this blog. It is only lately that it has started to bring me down, and that is entirely due to the depression, not anything that anyone else has done. I think maybe I should write drafts and sit on them awhile before posting them so I don't end up with more posts like that! Sheeesh!

6 comments:

Stacey Teague said...

Michelle,
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but, I was so happy after I had my hysterectomy. The recovery was NOTHING....email me if you have any questions....

Kristin said...

i had a hysterectomy in "01 and let me tell you, there is nothing you miss less than your period and the recovery was easy-peasy.

to ditto stacey, we can talk (email me) if you want any info... i had it at hoag and have a great doctor!

Stephanie said...

Glad to see that you aren't going to drop off the face of the earth. I feel so connected to the people and blogs I follow and would be so sad if you decided to just end it. Can't wait to see another Corners post!

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

Hey no need to apologize for writing what you feel! :-)

I wish my doctor had done a hyst. back in '01 when she took out my fibroid. Ahhhh, so many problems I would have avoided. Hindsight!

PI Jill said...

Everybody has a post or two like that in them - don't apologize! Money, work, physical pain - these are big issues. I hope things take an upturn for you this week.

Sandy said...

Michelle - no need to apologize. Feelings are real and it's better to get them out then inside festering. Each day is a new day.

I had an unexpected hysterectomy 6 months ago, so I understand the emotional turmoil about the finality of it. I could have put it off for years but my thinking was get it done, heal and be ready for my daughter. I would love to chat with you more if you have any questions. Hugs going your way girl, life is an oddity in itself.