Feeling Rotten

It hasn't been a good couple of days. I'm not feeling well. The only good thing is that now I know why I'm not feeling well. There's just nothing that can be done about it. I have been doing a lot of reading about the kidney disease I have been recently diagnosed with. Here are a few tidbits of information I have found out:

--Flare ups of the disease cause fever, sore throat, chills. Flu like symptoms. Those are what I'm having now.

--People with this type of kidney disease are not allowed to take any kind of pain relief whatsoever. They are all hard on the kidneys and will speed up the progresion on the disease. So even though I feel rotten, I can take nothing to make me feel better.

--Another side effect is abdominal pain. That explains why I was having pain when it was nowhere near my period. I had chalked it up to the endometriosis, but it was the kidney disease causing it. Again, I can take nothing to alleviate the pain.

--My nephrologist does NOT reccomend for us to get pregnant. The risks are much higher for myself and the baby. So we are officially done trying. I had thought I would feel some dissapointment over that, but right now I just feel numb and a tiny bit relieved. At least it wasn't my choice to take that small hope away from my husband. It isn't my fault.

--The doctor put me on a trial dose of Prednisone to see if it would help stop the protein leaking into my urine, as I do have a signifigant amount. One of the side effects is weight gain. He says there is probably no way around that. So now I face a dilemma. Do I continue to go to weight watchers and pay the fee, even though it is likely I will not be losing, but gaining weight? I have lost fifteen pounds so far and the thought of not only stopping the weight loss, but actually gaining it back makes me want to cry. Joe thinks I should continue on the program on my own, but save the money I would be paying them to look into some homeopathic remedies for pain relief.

--I have to figure out how I am going to get through three more cycles without the heavy duty pain killers my gynecologist had prescribed for the endomoetriosis, which work quite well. I can't schedule a hysterectomy for at least three months, until I am done with the predinisone.

--Overall I am sad, and scared, and confused. And feeling rotten. With no relief in sight.

--I don't want to completely bum you all out, so here are two things that aren't depressing. The meds the psychiatrist put me on do seem to be working(despite the above post). Also, the adoption is right on track. I have the medical forms, and I an hopeful that we could be DTC no later than July. Everything else pales in comparison to that, right?