Thursday, February 22, 2007

I just returned home a short while ago from the Gynecologist for my
annual exam. Yes, I did schedule a dentist appointment and a Pap smear
two days in a row. I think I may secretly be a sadist. I hate going to
the gynecologist. Hate. It. I don't hate the doctor himself. He is very
nice. No, I just hate the whole experience. Sitting in the waiting room
with all of those pregnant women is a drag. It just is. If you haven't
experienced the pain of infertility, please don't comment on it because
you do not understand it. The visit itself was fine. We talked about
the possibility of having a hysterectomy. He feels I need more time to
think about it. The good news is that if(when) I do decide to go ahead
with it, it can be done through a laparoscopy instead of having the full C-section cut. This was a huge relief. It would be similar to the three previous surgeries I have had, and the recovery would be four weeks. We have decided to try an alternative therapy before having
the hysterectomy. Today I received an injection of Depo Provera . It is
a contraceptive that halts your period completely. The goal is that if
I don't have a period, I won't have any pain. I don't think it will
work. I know this is negative thinking. I can't help it. When you have
been through as much pain as I have and tried so many things and they
have all failed, your faith that anything will work is seriously
shaken. I am going to give it three months. If it doesn't work, we will
schedule the hysterectomy as soon as possible. Of course, because
nothing is ever easy for me, my insurance didn't cover the cost of the
injection. Contraceptives are not covered under my insurance plan
because I work for a Catholic institution. Even though it is not being
prescribed for contraceptive purposes, I still had to pay $65.00 for
it. Now I have to fight my insurance company to reimburse me. I'm not
even sure it's worth it. And I don't have the energy right now. At least
I waited until I got to the car to before I burst into tears. I'm fine
now. I think I just needed to get it out. And hey, tomorrow's Friday.
That's something to be thankful for!

Oh, and just for added fun I get to have a bone density test because Depo Provera can cause bone loss. I am already at a higher risk because of the six month course of Prednisone I just came off of. Yippee.


Kathy and Joel said...

It is so tough, Michelle and I can feel your frustration. For the past seven years, I have foght against my body that has continually failed me and I know the feeling of betrayal one can feel over their own organs. While I hope the Depo works, I am more inclined to think that it might be a band aid and that the hysterectomy will be what ultimately frees you. I am more than positive that I will be in your shoes within the next couple of years and I am actually looking forward to the day when my uterus is gone. Will you be keeping your ovaries? My plan is to keep them, as I have read and heard that it can be less of a hormonal nightmare to do so. As always, I am thinking about you.
P.S. Let the $65 go. You don't need another battle right now.

Made in China said...

I know just how you feel sitting in the waiting room with all those happy preggos.

Don't fear the bone density scan - I've had it many times - it's nothing.


Dannye said...

I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through, I totally feel your pain (some of it is quite fresh in my mind and heart, if you feel up to it, please check out my blog). Sometimes though I wonder if the drs know all or what.

Not only is it hard to sit in the waiting room, it's also quite hard when your friends and family members are just getting pregnant at a drop of a hat and act so "pissed" that it happened to them "again".

Here's to hoping things work out for you...

averysmama said...

I can tell you from my experience (so far) that no period DOES equal no pain. I'd rather not go into it here, but if you'd like to talk more, feel free to email me. I've left you a comment before that I do know what it's like to be in so much pain all the time. And I'm happy to say I've been without it for awhile now, and what a difference it makes!
Best of luck... don't give up hope!