Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Spinning my Wheels
Sometimes I feel like I'm riding a bike up a very steep hill. I pedal and pedal, but I never seem to get anywhere. The more I pedal, the higher the hill becomes. That's how things have been going around here. Things just keep piling up, one after the other. I am overwhelmed. Stressed out. Sometimes barely functioning. I get up, and go to work, and pretend like everything is O.K. But then I go into the bathroom and cry, or wait until my lunch break. Then I go back to work and pretend like everything is O.K again. It is draining. Today we found out when our court date is for the company that is suing us. It is going to cost us six hundred dollars just to go to court. Today I also went to the dentist. I have two tiny little cavities and one big huge one that borders on a root canal. The part my insurance won't pay is three hundred dollars. That's if I don't end up needing a root canal. Please God, don't let me need a root canal. This dentist does not accept payments and we simply cannot afford it right now. Joe had pretty much the whole month of December off, and he only got paid from one of the schools he works at. I know what you're thinking. Didn't we just get back from a weekend in the mountains? Yes we did. And spent money we shouldn't have. I can't justify it, except that it was my birthday and anniversary present, and it has been five years since we took a vacation, just the two of us. (At the time, we also thought we could settle this debt problem out of court). It was needed. I don't know what kind of mental state I would be in now if I didn't have that one fabulous weekend to remember. Not that I'm in any great mental state right now. I don't know where the money for these extra expenses is going to come from. I really don't. All I can do is pray(and pray) that everything works out. Don't get me wrong, we are now adhering to a strict budget and doing everything we can to make it work, but when the money isn't there, it isn't there. The bike has got to start moving up that mountain soon. I'm not sure how much longer I can pedal.