What a Downer

I know my last couple of posts have been a tad on the depressing side. Sorry 'bout that. I have never in my life been unemployed. Ever. So it is freaking me out just a tiny bit. I was counting on the unemployment to get me through the next month while I looked for a new job. Now I need to find a job now, and I don't get to be picky about it. I pretty much have to take the first job that I can find. We're a two income family. We simply can't make it without me working. I wish we didn't have to worry about our financial situation all of the time. I know having money doesn't solve problems, but it might keep me from worrying every single day about keeping our heads above water. Because I do worry. Every single day. Sigh. I have been trying so hard lately not to have such a "woe is me" attitude. I have so much to be thankful for, and I thank God every single day for the good things in my life. Sometimes that doesn't come through on this blog. This is where I dump all the bad stuff. All of the worries. Just to get it out of my head. Often I feel better after having posting it. But that what that leaves you guys with is a bunch of depressing posts. But I'm fine. Worried, but fine. I will find a job. We will make it through this summer, just like we have every other summer when finances were tight. And I will try not to worry so much. Try very hard.

Kicking me when I'm down

I just got off the phone with the unemployment office. My claim was denied. Why? Because technically, I quit my job. I say technically, because I did quit, but it was due to extenuating circumstances. They told me they were going to close our summer program(with no explanation whatsoever), and that as of June 8 th I would be out of a job. And then they asked me if I planned on returning next year. Because I must have a job that is available to me twelve months of the year, I told them "No". If they could not provide me with a year round job(as they had for the last fourteen years), I could not continue my employment with them. So, I quit. And if you quit your job(as opposed to being laid off), you are ineligible for unemployment. Luckily I received this phone call while Miss K was at her friend's house, because when I hung up with them, I just put my head on the table and cried. Big, heaving sobs. It was a good fifteen minutes before I could contain myself. This means that I have to find a job right now. Right this minute. My husband's pay has already been cut by almost half for the summer. Without that unemployment money, we will simply not make it. I am terrified. I have been actively looking for a job. Every single day I scour the internet, looking for something. There just doesn't seem to be a lot out there right now. I am scared. And sad. The person who called told me there was nothing she could do, because she had a signed form from my job stating that I would not be returning in the Fall. She told me what I should have done was tell them I was returning, then wait until my contract expired before letting them know I was quitting. So what I should have done was lied. A few months ago, several people told me that's what I should have done too(My husband being one of them). But I didn't listen to them. I was honest with my job in telling them I could not return unless the position was twelve months. I guess in this society honesty isn't always the best policy. I have questioned my decision to leave this job so much in the last two months. Maybe I made a mistake. But I was miserable there. It was grossly mismanaged and I just couldn't take it anymore. I think after fourteen years I had just reached my limit. Had I known the road to a new job would be so bumpy, I might have had a change of heart. But hindsight is 20/20. What I need now is to focus on finding a new job. And fast.

My husband has been receiving letters from a student saying he is incompetent and must be fired. This student has contacted both the Dean and President of the school, and they have both sided with Joe, but it still makes me angry. Very angry. Spitting mad. I can understand that there will be personality coflicts with students, and that students will at times be upset about the grades they receive. But this student has sent two e-mails that are extremely insulting and degrading towards my husband as a person and as a teacher, and it truly upsets me. I have good reason to believe that this particular student is not, how shall I say this, "dealing with a full deck". I don't want him contacting with my husband again. Period. The class is over, and this student should not be contacting him at all. He got the grade he deserved(a "D"), and my husband already declined to change it, and spoke with the Dean once regarding this issue. The Dean fully supported Joe's decision, and told him to simply forward any future correspondence from this student to him. I am not satisfied with this. I want them to tell this student that he is under no circumstances to contact my husband again, or they will take action. What kind of action, I don't know yet. All I know is that this is upsetting my husband, which upsets me, and I' m not going to sit around and let him be treated this way. I am way pissed off. I need to calm down about it before I discuss what the options are with my husband. He wants to just "let it go". No! I am always the one to let everything go, and some things are worth fighting for. No one deserves to be treated this way. Especially, my kind, wonderful, caring husband, who is one of the best teachers I have ever met. I'm not going down without a fight. Don't mess with me or the people I love.

8 months

Today marks 8 months that we have been logged in. We used to celebrate this day each month, but with the rumors saying the wait could be three more years, I don't feel much like celebrating. All we can do is pray for a speed up. Yesterday we found out for sure that we would be moving to a new apartment in our complex. They are renovating the entire complex, and are moving people into the new apartments. I don't want to move. I like our location. Although we will be getting new carpet, linoleum, cabinets, and granite countertops in the kitchen, I just don't feel like going through the stress of a move. Getting a new job and moving are both on the list of top ten stressful life changes. How about I do both at one time? We have two choices as to which apartment we move into. One is all the way on the other side of the complex. The other is two doors down. If we choose that one, we would still have the same next door neighbors, but they would be on our other side. How wierd is that? I'm so torn about which one to move to. On the one hand, I feel like if we're going to move, we might as well move to a totally different part of the complex. We might as well have a change. On the other hand, we love the location of our apartment now, and two doors down might make the transition easier. I don't know. What would you do?


FYI: Both choices are the same distance away from the pool, but choice number one is much closer to the laundry room, yet the playground is right in front of it. Good or bad?

Yummy Sushi

We had so much stuff left over from last night, we had Sushi tonight too. Yum!

Our cooking night was delayed one day because Joe was tired after work last night, but we finished the meal that we cooked together a short while ago. While I was up in S.F. visiting my sister, I picked up one of these for Joe for Father's Day. It is a Sushi maker, and tonight we made homemade Sushi! It was some of the best Sushi I have ever eaten. We started off the evening with a trip to our local Asian supermarket. That in itself was quite an experience! We were the only white people in the whole store. They had live seafood for sale in tanks. Crabs, lobster, fish, shellfish. It was pretty cool. Some of the stuff they had in their bakery and seafood aisle I haven't seen since I was in China! Of course, I had to take some pictures. I'm pretty sure the other shoppers thought I was crazy. We picked up some of those yummy pork buns that I love. They are so good. After picking up all the necessary ingredients, we came home and made several different types of sushi rolls. We made two different types of salmon rolls, a California roll, and Unagi(eel). The Sushi maker worked perfectly, and was so easy to use! I highly recommend them. I know we will be getting a lot of use out of ours. We love Sushi, but find ita bit too expensive to out and eat it very often, and now we can make it at home. With all of the stuff we bought, we'll be having sushi for days. Each recipe made twenty four pieces, and we only made half that, so we had a ton of stuff left over. Sushi for lunch tomorrow. Yum!

TGIF

Thank goodness it is Friday. I'm tired. We spent all day at the pool. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it :) Seriously though, the sun and the water zap all of my energy. I did manage to get in a good thirty minute workout in the pool while Miss K talked my ear off. I am starting to get quite a tan, despite the sunscreen I slather on myself and Miss K religiously. Do you know how much sunscreen you have to put on to stay in the sun for three hours? A lot. I reapplied every forty-five minutes and still got a tiny bit pink. Ugh. I may have to start wearing a hat. I have never been a hat kind of person. Got to protect that skin though. This post is really boring. Tomorrow will be better. Joe and I have big plans tomorrow night. We're going to use the present I got him for Father's Day. It involves cooking, and we're going to go shopping and then come home and prepare something together. That's all you're getting for now. You'll just have to wait and see!

Things are going better at the temp job. Both dog wise and child wise. Thanks to Joannah for the dog training tips! I am going to them tomorrow. We have kept pretty busy this week. That has helped a lot. It is still a long day. This child truly thinks I am there to keep her entertained the entire nine hours I am there. She sits right next to me and talks nonstop. Now keep in mind that I have worked with kids for fourteen years, and I am used to this, but seriously this child never. stops. talking. Ever. And there is nowhere for me to go to get a break. If I go into their office and sit at the computer, she follows me. She even talks nonstop in the car. Argh. My brain is tired. Her neighborhood friends get out of school tomorow, and I pray they will be outside so she can go play. I don't mind sitting outside and watching her, but she needs some company besides myself. I need her to have some company beside myself! Other than my job, I am feeling tired. Getting up at five forty-five is hard. I know, I did it for fourteen years, but when I was off for six weeks, I got a taste of what it felt like to be rested. And I liked it it! I guess I should just consider this training for when we have Sophie and I will never feel rested again! It's just hard because of the kidney disease. I am so, so tired all of the time. Operation Job Search isn't coming along as quickly as I'd hoped. I have applied for about fifteen jobs online and haven't heard anything from any of them. Yes, it has been only four days, but I am impatient. I need to find a job that offers health insurance, and quickly. I will continue to apply next week, and hopefully one of them will at least have me in for an interview. Send good thoughts!

Must Love Dogs

I would like to preface this post by saying that I LOVE dogs. I love them. I have two dogs in my home now. There have only been maybe two periods in my life when I didn't have a dog. When I was a kid, and we would go camping, I would canvas the entire campground and scope out which campsites had dogs, and I would visit them every day that we were there. (I'm sure their owners were thrilled). I am a total dog person.
So please keep this in mind when you read the following, okay?

This is Jack. He is my new BFF(Best Friend Forever). He looooooooves me. I mean, like, serious love. He thinks I am the greatest. He lives in the home of the child I am caring for. Jack is two years old. He is still a baby, mentally. Physically though, he is a sixty pound grown up. Jack is a pain in my A**. Literally. Jack wants my attention at all times. If I won't give it to him, he jumps on me, sits on me while I am on the couch, grabs my arm with his mouth, drools all over me, and basically just makes my life He**. One of his favorite games is to take something off of the counter that doesn't belong to him(toys, books, shoes, dishes, my camera, etc.), and bring it right up to me. The minute I try to take it away, he dashes around the room madly, with said item in his mouth. If I can't get it from him, he sits down and starts to chew on it. Within minutes the item is destroyed. Sometimes it takes me fifteen minutes of running around the couch before I am able to get him to drop it. He thinks this is great fun. I, however, do not. This will happen six to ten times a day! Yes, I do try to put everything out of his reach, but he is tall when he stands on his hind legs! He also refuses to go outside when it is time for us to leave the house. I will go outside and he will follow me, but when I try to get to the sliding glass door to close it, he dashes back inside before I can get to it. This can also go on for fifteen minutes before I am able to get to the door fast enough to get inside and close him out. Again, he thinks this is great! I don't. It is exhausting. When I started this job they told me that had a dog, and he was "very spoiled". I had no idea this meant untrained and highly obnoxious! Like I said before, I never met a dog I didn't like, but this dog is giving me a run for my money. He needs more watching over than the seven year old. Seriously. Anyone have any dog training tips? They tell me he will "calm down" after he gets used to me. I sure hope they are right, because if not it is going to be a long summer.

Happy Father's Day!

I have to take a minute to give a shout out to my Dad. Happy Father's Day Dad! We went to lunch yesterday and I was so busy being worried about stuff that I completely forgot his gift and card at home! Sorry Dad. I'll get it to you when I see you next week. My Dad is the best and without him, I don't know where we would be. So thanks Dad, for always being there for me, and I hope you have a fabulous Father's Day!

I love Saturdays

Today was a relaxing day. Lunch with my Dad, a little nap, and now Joe is making dinner. I am still feeling much anxiety over the money situation. I simply don't know how to stop stressing out over it. I am good at stressing out. Tomorrow we are going to sit down and see what money is coming in(I still have not received a payment from disability-Argh!), and what exactly HAS to be paid right now, and what can wait. Joe won't even talk about the possibility of letting my health insurance lapse. I know he is right about that, but our main concern right now is figuring our where the money is going to come from for it. It looks like I'm going to have to find a full time job with benefits ASAP. I feel terrible, because I promised to do the childcare thing for my friend for the remainder of the summer. I always keep my word, and I hate that I have to break it. Hate it. And she is so happy to have me. But I have to do what's best for me right now. We have to be able to live. Thank you for the suggestions of what to do with the little girl all day. The funny thing is, these are all things I have done in the past, with the group of children I used to work with. It just didn't occur to me to do those things with only one child. Mostly because I don't have the supplies for a lot of those activities and I don't want to spend my own money. I think I will talk to her Mom on Monday and see if we could go pick up some crafts and games to play. I am also planning a lot of day trips(the Beach, the kid's science center, etc). I think that will really help. My goal for the rest of the weekend is going to be to try not to stress and enjoy the rest of my weekend. It is so hard for me to just relax and not worry. So very hard.

What a Whiner

I wasn't going to post anything today, because all I have is complaints, but then I thought, Hey, it's my blog, and if I need to complain, then so be it.

--My new temp job wasn't great. I am watching one child, in her home. It isn't that it was demanding. It was just boring. I am accustomed to handling twenty five kids or more, doing art and crafts, cooking, games, etc. I am used to noise and chaos. This was certainly the opposite of that. The child I am watching is a good kid, and she didn't give me any trouble. There just wasn't enough to do. She kept asking every ten minutes "So what do you want to do now?" That makes for a very long day. We even went to the park and to McDonald's for two hours and she was still bored. What do you people do with your kids at home in the summer? I don't think I can take another day like today. It was the longest day ever.
--My hubby and I are working opposite schedules a few days this week. I work 7-4 and he works 4-midnight. He is gone when I get home, and I am asleep when he gets home, so I don't get to see him at all. I hate it. I won't see him now until Saturday evening. Sigh.
--Between spending my whole day with a seven year old and not seeing my husband, I am starting to feel very isolated again. I need to be with people! Grownups! I didn't realize what a social outlet my job was until I didn't have it anymore. I miss the adult interaction.
--Money is so tight right now it makes it hard for me to breathe whenever I even start to think about it. My husband's pay is cut by $1500.00 a month in the summer and I have to come up with a thousand dollars more a month to pay for my health insurance. Don't even ask me how we're going to do that. I just don't know. I have seriously considered letting my health insurance lapse. I know this is a terrible idea. I can't be without health insurance. Not with my health conditions. It's just so much money. I may have to bail out on this temp job(even though I promised my friend I would do it) and find something permanent that has benefits. The whole thing is freaking me out and making me very scared. It is not a good feeling.
--It looks like we are going to be moving. To another apartment in our complex. They are renovating the entire complex, and they want the people who live in unrenovated ones to move to the one that has been renovated. It isn't that I don't want new carpet, and countertops, and appliances, because Lord knows we need them. It's just the thought of moving right now makes me feel sick. The work involved. The stress. Ugh.

There. I think I am done complaining for now. I know I have so many things in my life to be grateful for. I shouldn't dwell on the negative. But I'm having a hard time lately. Between the surgery, and financial woes, and quitting my job, and possibly moving, there are so many things that are uncertain right now it leaves me feeling very worried. Which is not good for my blood pressure. So I need to "knock it off", as Joe so lovingly puts it. But I don't know how. Any suggestions?

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack!

I am back from my break. Did ya miss me? Wait, don't answer that. I had a great time at my sister's. We were busy, busy, busy. Graduations, end-of-year picnics, going to the movies, eating out, street fairs, ten trips to Target. Whew! I am tired just thinking about it! Maybe that's why I hung around the house and slept a lot of the day. I have had a sore throat and headache for most of the day and thought I might be coming down with something, but then I realized it was just a flare up of the kidney disease, as I am feeling much better this evening. Sometimes they come on quite suddenly after I have had a very busy week or haven't gotten enough sleep. Tomorrow I start a temporary job of helping out a friend with her summer childcare arrangements. I have to be at her house at 6:45, so no more sleeping in for me! It will be good for me to get out of the house every day, and I will have plenty of time to find something full time. I want to find the right job for me, and not rush into things. I don't want to settle. Well, it's getting late and I have to get up at 5:45. Bye for now.

Taking a break

I'm taking a little blogger's break, while I visit my sister for a week. I find that I just don't have a lot to say lately. With the small amount of referrals being issued every month, it looks like I could have this blog for many more years before I actually see my child's face. There is only so much about my life that I can write about. The rest is pretty much "lather, rinse, repeat." I'm still reading, but I simply have nothing much to say. I feel kind of blah about blogging right now. Uninspired. In a funk. You get the picture. I have been very busy with my sister and niece and nephew this week and I'm sure there will be pictures posted over on her blog. So if you need me, I'll be here. . I'll be back, I'm sure. As soon as I snap out of whatever it is that I'm "in".

Day at the Park

Joe and I were lucky enough to have another day off together, so we headed to the nearest park to enjoy the beautiful weather. This was my view of the world for most of the day.

This little guy took a liking to us, and hung out right on our blanket for forty-five minutes! We thought that was pretty neat, until he tried to sit on top of Joe while he was taking a nap. Joe didn't think that was too cool, so we shooed him back to his ducky friends in the water. He was so friendly and tame we thought may have been someone's pet at some time. He sure was cute.

Saturday Scrappin'

These were Cinderella stickers that I bought with the intention of using them with the pictures I took with the Princesses a few weeks ago at Disneyland, but when I saw this picture of Gracie in her crown and my sunglasses, I decided they would look great on a Princess page. I love that picture, and thought it needed a page all its own.

Pictures

I have nothing much to talk about, and they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here's a few thousand. Maybe something will come to me tomorrow.