Okay, so now you are caught up on where we have been. We had a doctor's appointment last Thursday with my OBGYN to discuss our options for dealing with the severe pelvic pain that has returned after the last surgery 2 years ago. I started my period 2 days prior (7 days early, which is strange for me). I almost cancelled because I get very emotional around that time and the last thing I wanted to do was go sit in a room with a bunch of pregnant women. I avoid going there at all costs because of this reason. We decided to keep the appointment, since they can be hard to get and I had just had an extemely painful cycle. Well of course when we arrived there the waiting room was overflowing with pregnant women. There were also two couples there with their newborns, just to add to the fun. We signed in and had a seat and Joe started flipping through a magazine, holding my hand the entire time. All I could do was stare at the floor, wishing I was anywhere but there. I began to lose it after about fifteen minutes of listening to the baby across from me cry. Tears began to well up and I was unable to control them. In a few minutes I was bawling and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The nice man with the crying baby walked over to hand me some tissues. He probably thought I was crazy, and that was exactly how I felt. After what seemed like an eternity the nurse called my name. She started asking me all the usual questions, and I became annoyed when she asked me if I had had an ultrasound to diagnose my endometriosis. She had my chart in her hand, couldn't she see that I had already undergone 2 surgeries? I began to cry again, and she asked me if I was all right. Of course I said I was fine. I think she was very glad to deposit us into the examining room to wait for the doctor. While waiting for the doctor I tried to regain control of myself, but to no avail. When he finally came into the room, I looked quite a mess. He seemed uncomfortable. He stood a good distance away from us, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms in front of him, holding my chart. He didn't even open my chart to look at it. It seemed to me that he wanted to bolt from the room, and I don't blame him. No one wants to deal with an overly emotional woman on her period! I didn't get to ask any of the questions I had planned. I was too much of a mess. Joe did most of the talking. The only thing I got out of the conversation is that I have to have a Pre-sacral neurectomy. That means I will have a third surgery in which they will laser out the endo, but in addition they will cut the nerves in my pelvis so I won't feel the pain anymore. That is pretty much the ONLY suggestion he had to help relieve my pain. I have tried everything else. Oh yeah, and he doesn't have any solutions for us to improve our chances to conceive, except another insemination, or Invitro fertilization and we simply can't afford that right now. All in all I feel like the entire visit was a complete waste of our time.
Obviously nothing is going to help us get pregnant until we can afford to do more infertitlity treatments. I don't want to have another surgery, but I don't feel like I really have a choice. I can't live with this pain much longer. All I do is come home and lay on the couch with a heating pad on my lower stomach. Going to work is about the only thing I can handle, and I have to leave early a couple of days of week. It's a good thing I have worked there for 13 years and they are very understanding of my situation. Thank God for Joe. He is so totally understanding and he never becomes exasperated with me for not feeling good. He is even learning to cook a few new dishes, as there are many times a week lately when I just can't cook.
Well, that is all that has happened in the last 2 months. I am currently attending a support group opnce a week with other women going through this, and I find it very helpful. I also go to an individual counseling every week, as well as physical therapy twice a week for an injury I sustained on my ankle while at work. All of this keeps me very busy! I can only pray that we can come to some kind of decision in the next couple of months about whether or not we are gong to continue to pursue the quest for a biological child. The financial and emotional strain of this is starting to take it's toll. At some point we have to say enough is enough.