Well, it's been a couple of days since I posted, and even though nothing is really going on, I thought I would at least write something, no matter how uninteresting it may be. Sometimes other people are just really hard to deal with. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me "You just need to relax". We would be rich! I swear I will scream if I hear this again. Relaxing has nothing to do with anything. We have real medical problems that are preventing us from conceiving. I have taken Yoga, bought and read several stress management books, and even attended a prayer/meditation group at my church, all in the hopes of "relaxing" enough to have a child. I have had two medical surgeries, undergone Accupuncture, and had members of my church lay their hands on me and pray in an attempt to "heal" me and make my body ready for a pregnancy. None of these things have worked. So it makes me just a little bit mad when people tell me I just need to relax! If people really feel the need to say something to me regarding my inability to become pregnant after 3 1/2 years, they could just say
"That must be really hard for you. I sympathize with you." If they said something like that, maybe It would make me want to punch them less.( Yes, my therapist says I do have issues with anger. I'm working on them!) Joe and I have agreed I will have the third surgery in the next two months, and then we will do one more insemination and try for 6 more months until I turn 35 and then we will call it quits. We have chosen not to go any further with the treatments. The next step would be Invitro, and neither of us is willing to spend that kind of money on a chance to have a baby. We would much rather adopt, and be guaranteed a child than take chances like that. In a way putting a time limit on this feels like a lot of pressure, but it also is somewhat of a relief to know that this agony will end soon. Maybe it wasn't God's plan for us to have bioligical children. Maybe we were meant to adopt. As painful as it will be to let that dream go, I will be relieved to move on with our lives, secure in the knowledge that we WILL have a child, it just won't come from my body.