Monday, July 25, 2005

Today was not a good day. My day started at 3:30 a.m when I woke up to excruciating pain. I seem to have a lot of these "episodes"(that's what we call them) early in the morning. Anyway, I had to get into a warm bath the pain was so bad, and then I fell asleep in the bathtub! This has never happened to me before. When I woke up it was 45 minutes later and the water was so cold. I dragged myself back to bed for another hour before the alarm wnt off at 5:30 and it was time to get up.
You would think that after 13 years at the same job it would be easier to get up, but it just isn't. Thankfully it was a slow day today(lots of kids on vacation) and I didn't have any more episodes until I got home. I made it through half of my physical therapy session but was feeling so nauseous I asked to go home. This has been happening a lot right before I start my period. Sometimes I feel so sick I actually throw up. Just some added fun for me around my period. To top it all off, I didn't start like I should have, so I'll feel crummy again tomorrow too. And of course then I get to tell Joe that I did finally start, dashing his hopes once again for a baby. I hate when I'm late. Usually I am like a clock, so when I am even one day late Joe gets his hopes up. I stopped getting my hopes up about a year ago. I'm just going along with this for Joe's sake. Maybe he needs to have just a little bit of hope every month to get by. I can't bear to have any hope because then my dissapointment is just that much greater. Wow, this is a depressing post. I have to go, it's time to get back into the tub, and then lay in bed with a heating pad on my stomach. I'll feel better tomorrow after I start.

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