Friday, May 09, 2008

Friday. Yay! And also Blah.

Today was such a blah day.  The weather was gray and gloomy.  Work was kind of slow.  Overall I just felt blah.  I'm not sure if I'm coming down with something or what. I've had that lingering headache for the last three days(even though I picked up my hormone patch last night-hurray!).  

It's eight o'clock and I just got out of the bath tub and I'm  laying on my couch feeling, well, Blah.  I really hope I'm not getting sick.

I'm supposed to spend the entire day tomorrow at a friend's one year old's birthday party.  I'm going early to help out, and staying late because I don't have a car, so I really need to be feeling better than I am feeling right now.

 I think I'll be okay after a good night's sleep. I have a feeling it's just a flare up of the kidney disease. 

 The kidney disease that I cannot afford to see a doctor for right now due to  the pre-existing conditions clause my insurance company placed on me.  

Bl.ue Cr.oss sucks.   Actually, from personal experience I find that most in.surance companies suck. 

 I'm not spelling anything out because I don't want people coming to my blog by googling 
"Bl.ue Cr.oss sucks". 

 Did you you know two people found their way here this week after Googling "I hate Mother's Day"?


Did I really say that I hated Mother's Day?  

Gosh.  Angry much? 

For the record, I don't hate Mother's Day. It's just a hard day for me and it makes me sad. 

Sometimes anger is an easier emotion for me to verbalize than sadness.

I do know that one day in the future Mother's Day will be a joyous day for me. 
And I am capable of being happy for those that I know who have their Moms, or are Moms.

After all, I am spending the entire day tomorrow at a friend's house, celebrating her daughter's first birthday.  And she's pregnant again, and I am thrilled for her. Especially since we met through an infertility support group.  That makes the celebration and the pregnancy even sweeter.  Hi Lynn!  See you tomorrow!

Someday it will be me. Someday.  Until then we'll wait. And I will try  not to be so angry.  

Have a great Mother's Day weekend.

And people-
If you have your Mom

Or you are a Mom

Be grateful.  

Very, very grateful.


Dolores and Shawn said...

I hear ya, people just don't get it if they have their moms and kids how grateful they should be. I'm boycotting tomorrow. I just can't deal with it.

kris said...

I hope your Mom's Day is filled with nothing but hope- for your future child and what you 2 will share. And I hope the memories of the years you had with your mom will give you cause to smile. I'm going to focus on that myself :)

Alyson & Ford said...

You shared your heart on this post and you have a good and loving heart. The pain of not having someone you love is so personal and lasting.

I shared on another blog you and I both visit: Each day something I do reminds me of my mother and as long as I am alive, my mom lives.

I pray your mom's love lives within you and that your tears are the water that grows the smile on your face each time you think of her...

I bid you peace