Wednesday, May 28, 2008
That last post had more of a negative vibe than I had planned on. Some days of this wait are better than others. Yesterday was one of the harder ones. Today is better. It was good that I forgot our LID day. It means I'm not obsessing over them like I used to. When we got our letter from our agency 19 months ago telling us we were (finally) DTC, it said we could expect to wait between 12 and 18 months. We now know it will be much(much) longer than that. A huge topic of discussion in our house in the last two months has been whether or not we should try to switch to the special needs program. Serious discussion. Long, drawn out, stay up until midnight, soul searching discussion. And we have come to a decision. We will stay with the Non-special needs program and wait. As long as it takes. I have to believe this will happen. Eventually. At the end of the day, there weren't enough good reasons why we should switch. Getting a child faster is not a reason. We both feel we aren't ready emotionally, physically, or financially to support a child with a medical special need. We are fully aware that our child will have her(or his?) own special needs, simply from living in an institution for the first part of her(his?) life. Anything above and beyond that we're just not sure we could handle as first time parents. We have to have faith that we're on the right path. I just pray that things speed up at least slightly because I'm not sure I can wait another three years. I'm already seriously considering taking down the nursery. For now. We will have plenty of time to put it back together. But we live in a very small space and right now that room is just sitting empty, waiting for a child that feels very far away. Very, very far away.