She's still preoccupied...with 1985

So I have been messing around on Facebook lately. I have to admit, for the most part I don't get it. I mean, yeah, it's nice to contact people you haven't seen in a long time and see what they're up to, but other than that it doesn't do much for me. I don't get all of the applications they have that you can sign up for, or how you have to invite your friends to join to. Some of them are a pain too, because they require you to visit them often and send stuff to your "friends" and ask them to send stuff back. I don't get it. Anyway, the reason I bring it up is because I other day I received the following message in my inbox at Facebook:

Hi Michelle!

I hope you're doing well. I'm planning our 20 year high school reunion....can you believe it's been that long???!!! If you're interested in attending please send me your contact info (address, phone, etc).

Thanks,
Angie (lastname)

My first reaction was "Huh? This must be a mistake. I don't know anybody named Angie lastname and furthermore, there is NO WAY that it has been 20 years since I graduated high school. Simply not possible. La la la....I can't hear youooooooo......."

Then I did some quick math figures in my head( I almost had to get out the calculator) and realized it was true! It HAS been 20 years since I graduated high school!

Two things went through my mind:

Number one was-Get OUT!
and
Number two was-Man. I'm old.

I haven't responded to her yet. I realized later that I actually did know who she was, and not only did we go to high school together, but also middle school and elementary school. Although we were only friends for like two years in seventh grade.

So she's planning our high school reunion.

And she wants to know if I plan on attending.

I'll be perfectly honest here. My first reaction was "Heck, No, I don't plan on attending". Or "Yeah, when pigs fly". And also "Has Hell frozen over yet?"

Needless to say, High School was not one of the best times of my life.

I was a geek.

I had no friends.

I was awkward and unattractive.

Other "kids" made fun of me and I ate lunch alone behind the theater most days.

I never went to one football game or dance.

It was four years of pure torture for me and when it was over I left and I never looked back.

Why would I want to revisit that?

There's also the fact that I have gained a considerable amount of weight since high school and am not feeling my most attractive right now. Also, sometimes I feel like I haven't really accomplished that much since high school and I would be embarrassed to admit that to people I haven't seen in 20 years.

No kids. No house. No successful, high paying job.

The one thing I do have is my marriage to a wonderful man, who I met as a senior in high school. He was the only reason I made it to graduation. The shining light in an otherwise hellish four years.

But I wouldn't know anyone else there. They certainly wouldn't remember me. I was a nobody.

So what reason would I have to go to the reunion?

And yet there is a small part of me that wants to go.

I want to show people that I'm no longer that reclusive, skinny geek that ate lunch alone.

I want to show off my wonderful husband and my fifteen year marriage to the fifty percent of them that are now divorced. I want to shout from the rooftops that I'm gonna be a mom, and how cool is it that my daughter is coming from China?

But why? I have nothing to prove to these people. Going won't change who I am or the experience I had there 20 years ago, or even the doubts I have about myself still. And most of the people there would have no idea who I am anyway.

So I think I'll skip it.

My husband didn't graduate high school at all(but went on to earn a Master's Degree), and he had the same type of experience the two years he attended (a different) high school, so of course he's cool with skipping it.

I see no reason to go back and revisit a time in my life that was so hard. Sometimes I envy those people who say high school was the best time of their lives, but I like to think that the best time of my life is yet to come.

But it was nice to get the invite.



P.S. I did have friends during the four years I went to high school, it's just that all of my friends were at the stables, where my horse was and they all went to a different high school than I did. I wasn't a total loser. I'm still friends with many of those girls, 20 years later.

Also, I graduated in 1989, but the title is from the song "1985" by Bowling for Soup and it fit this post perfectly so I used it.

No Place Like Home

We're home. We had a fairly uneventful 7 hour drive. I'm glad to be home, but sad that my vacation is over. Back to the grind. But hey, you know what? Tomorrow I when I get up to go to work in the morning, I get to get in my car and drive myself to work. And on my lunch break I can actually go somewhere if I want(not that I will, because we're broke, but I could if I wanted to).  And when I get off work I can drive myself home and not have to wait for Joe to pick me up. Yahoo!!  I have lots of pictures of the last couple of days but I have to find my card reader before I can upload them.  It's around here somewhere.  My goal is going to be to get to bed early so I'm ready when that alarm clock goes off in the morning. Ugh. I didn't miss that much.

3 words

A Perfect Day

Yesterday was what I call a perfect day. Joe and I started out after lunch time to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk. It's been about ten years since we have been there. It was, how shall I say this? A bit.......seedy. Yeah. Not exactly our cup of tea. We ate some boardwalk food(giant corn dogs-yum!), took some silly pictures in the photo booth, walked up and down it one time and declared ourselves done.

A phone call to Kayce to see if she could meet up(you didn't think I was gonna forfeit seeing her altogether did ya?), and we were off to Capitola Beach for a stroll down by the sea and a cup of coffee. What a cute little town that is! I love it. Pretty soon Kayce and her son Jake joined us at a little coffee shop where we sat outside overlooking the beach chatting and having a cup of coffee. So fun. What a handsome, nice boy her son is. Kayce, you are definitely doing something right there. You should be proud.

Kayce and Jake had to get going so she could get Jake packed for his trip and she could get ready for their weekend in Big Sur(a little jealous here), so Joe and I walked around Capitola and did a little window shopping before getting back in the car and heading down Highway 1 on our way back home.

We stopped several times to take some pictures before we came to Half Moon Bay and stopped at one of our favorite little roadside food shacks for some Fish and Chips. Mmmmm....so good. Then it was back in the car and home around 8:00, where we found the kids in bed and Lisa and Scott both running around packing up their house for the Realtors and trying to pack for their trip to Mexico the next day. Then I was off to bed early so I could get up and take the Smith family to the airport in the morning. A perfect day!

Giant Corndog!

We didn't try one of these


The Boardwalk

Capitola Beach

Jake, Me, Kayce
Pigeon Point Lighthouse. This holds a special place for us. Ten years ago we spent a magical weekend at some cabins right on the cliff next to this lighthouse. Now the cabins are gone and the lighthouse has fallen into disrepair and it is surrounded by a chain link fence and you can no longer go to the top. Sad.

My breasts look huge in this picture. I don't know why.

Beautiful Northern CA coastline

Ditto

Barbara's Fish Trap. Our favorite place to eat in Half Moon Bay. You must try it if you are ever up that way

There you have it. A perfect day! Can't wait to see what today brings us. We're going to head North towards Sausalito. Can't wait.

When Life Gives You Lemons.......

You make lemonade! We've decided to spend the rest of our vacation here in S.F. Lisa and Scott are leaving for Mexico tomorrow, so after I take them to the airport we're gonna house/petsit for them this weekend and head home early Sunday morning. While we're here we're going to drive up the coast, go to the Farmer's Market on Saturday, and lay by the pool at their gym all day. We might even make it into China Town one day. I'm feeling much better today. Just a slight runny nose. Thanks for all of the get better thoughts. Lisa was complaining of a sore throat last night. Uh Oh. I hope nobody else gets sick. Sorry Teague Family, if you get sick! I don't know where I caught that little bug. It came on and left very suddenly. Gotta go clean out the car so we can decide where we're going to spend the day.

Sick

We're still in S.F. at my sister's. The plan was for us to go home today, but Joe was really hoping we would be able to go and do something fun today. It wasn't meant to be though. Remember that sore throat I woke up with yesterday morning? Well this morning I had a 102 degree temp, headache, body aches and chills to go with it. I was so sick. I didn't leave my(Cameron's) bed all day. It hurt to even turn over in bed. There was no way I was going to be able to ride in a car for six or seven hours. This is turning out to be the best. vacation. ever. I guess I should be glad that we are at my sister's instead if camping because being sick while sleeping outside(on the ground) just doesn't sound like fun at all. The fire is still only 3 percent contained so there is no way we can finish out our vacation camping. We'll probably head home early Friday morning. The good news is that it must have been a 24 hour bug because I am feeling sooooo much better now. At least I'll be plenty rested by the time I have to go back to work on Monday. Check me out, looking on the bright side :)

Heading Home

We have pretty much decided to head home in the morning. The fire is only 3 percent contained and Highway 1 is still closed so we wouldn't be able to get to the campground we were supposed to move to tomorrow. I am so disappointed. This morning I broke down and cried because sometimes it just feels like nothing works out for us. This is our only vacation. We can't afford to jett of to Hawaii, or Mexico, or some other tropical location. I planned this trip 6 months ago. I only get this one week off per year(aside from Christmas), and I can't take time off otherwise. I know there's no one to blame and worse things could have happened. We could have gotten stuck in that fire, or our home could be endangered. But we're safe and the only thing these fires has caused us is inconvenience. But it's still disappointing. Oh well. I'll get over it. I woke up this morning with a raging sore throat anyway(I can't even swallow), so maybe it's for the best that we spend a quiet rest of the week at home. Sigh.

And would you look at that? The counter at the top says 19 months, four weeks, which is the same as 20 months to me :) Happy 20 months to us!

Isn't that sad about George Carlin? He is one of our very favorite comedians ever. In fact I had heard that he was going on tour next year and I had thought about buying Joe tickets to see him for his birthay in October. So sad.

We're at my sister's house. The fire got worse and we decided not to go back today. I was hopeful that we could, but we had to check out of the hotel at noon and at that point the fire was zero percent contained and we had to go somewhere. I just can't believe our vacation has turned out this way. We have been looking forward to this for six months. We're not exactly sure what we will do next. We'll spend the night here and decide in the morning. If Highway 1 remains closed we will probably just go home. We really don't have the money to do anything "vacationy" here.(It's a word, I swear). Our camping trip was already paid for and we had bought all the food already and had really only planned on spending money for gas. I'm so dissapointed. I'll get over it. The two days we had were amazing. Beatiful weather, good friends, good times. I just wish it hadn't been so short lived! Here are a few pictures.

Here's Joe and me on the drive up, oblivious to the events that were to follow. Don't we look happy?
Here is the thunderstorm that caused the lightening that started the fire. Curse you thunderstorm!

Here's the Teague family(minus Austin. He was in the river with Cameron). This is before the nice Ranger came to tell us we might have to "voluntarily" evacuate.

Vacation, interrrupted

So we made it to Big Sur fine. The trip was going along swimmingly. Joe and I stopped by the side of the road and watched a spectacular lightning show over the ocean, then got in our car and drove the last thirty minutes to the campground.Then later in the evening this fun family joined us for a fun night and day relaxing by the river. Little did we know that the lightning show we saw the day before had ingited a fire just three miles from our campground. We were sitting with our chairs in the river having a good old time when a Ranger came by to tell us they were haveing a "voluntary evacuation" due to the proximity of the fire and we might want to think about leaving. Did we leave? Nah. The danger wasn't imminent at that point so we stayed through the afternoon. Stacey and family had to head back home, so me, Joe, Lisa and the kids headed to another part of the river to hang for the rest of the day. We were there about twenty minutes when another Ranger came by and asked us if we had packed our stuff yet. We said No, we were planning on staying(along with about twenty or so other families), as we had been told the fire was still pretty far away. She said the situation had worsened and that although we could stay, there was a possibility that a mandatory evacutaion would occur later and at that point we would be given only 15 minutes notice before we had to get out. That means we would have to leave all of our camping gear there. Uhhhh...did you see the picture of our car in the last post? That's a lot of stuff to leave. So we packed it up and we're at a hotel in Monterey with Lisa and the kids. So much for our vacation! And now Highway 1 is closed going South, as is the campground we were supposed to be staying at the last half of our trip. So we don't know what we are going to do. Lisa has to go home tomorrow. The campground we were at said we could go back there if the situation had improved, but we won't know anything until tomorrow and honestly, on our way out we saw the fire and it was very close to where we were(two miles!) and very scary looking. I'm not sure I want to go back(unless the fire is out). So we're feeling kind of displaced right now, and pretty disappointed that our vacation has taken this turn. I pray they get the fire under control enough for us to go back, but if they don't we will either head to Lisa and Scott's for a couple of days and come home early or just start home in the morning. And then we won't get to meet up with this cool chick either(sob!). I guess we won't know for sure until the morning. Send happy thoughts!

3 words

Exhausted

I am tired people. I haven't slept in like, a year. In actuality it has probably only been the last seven or eight days, but I'm so tired it feels like a year. I have so much to do! And yet here I sit on the couch, posting to my blog. Priorities. So tomorrow we leave for our the camping trip I have been looking forward to for six months. A lot of preparation goes into a vacation where you live outside for seven days. I think I'm almost done. All I have left to do is pack the car, get my misc. personal stuff together, fill up the car with gas, get ice for the cooler, and do one more load of laundry. Ummm..o.k. that's a lot of stuff. I have to go now. See you on the flip side!

P.S.  You know the "good thing" I was talking about?  Well yesterday it happened and I am sooooo happy!  You aren't really interested in what it is though, right?

Just kidding!  I got my car fixed!  YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  It runs like new and I am ever so grateful to have it back.  I will never take my car for granted again! Seriously thankful.

The promised "good thing" didn't happen today either. Now I'm being told for sure tomorrow. I don't want to get my hopes up though. I'm in a better mood today. We ran some errands and picked up some last minute things for the trip. My clothes are all packed and waiting by the door. Can you tell I'm excited about the camping trip a little? :)

Three more days until this:

Ho Hum

I'm in a bad mood. Something really good was supposed to happen today and it didn't happen.

I have not been sleeping well for the last week and I took a sleeping pill last night and felt groggy all day.

I haven't been walking on my lunch break. I think that is attributing to the bad mood. It has been 90 degrees at my workplace and I'm afraid to go for a walk after what happened on Saturday(I think it was the heat that caused that little episode).

My husband overslept(working nights, remember?) and forgot to come get me at work tonight so I had to sit outside our office (in 90 degree heat) for an hour after I got off.

He forgot to come get me from work.

For one hour.

That alone was enough to send me into a tizzy.

The good thing that didn't happen today I'm being told will "probably" happen tomorrow. I don't like probably. I want this good thing now. I need this good thing.

I'm going to go take a shower and read a book and go to bed. Hmph!

Tomorrow will be better.

Four more days until camping.

3 words

Hey, how about a hike.....and then a trip to the E.R?

That's how my day started. With a hike. And that's how it ended. In the E.R. Today was an interesting day. To say the least.

Last night we were at a friend's house watching movies when one of them mentioned that they were going to go for a hike the next day in Laguna Canyon, and would we like to go along? Yes, I did want to go along, as I am trying to prepare myself for the hiking we will be doing in Big Sur next week. We decided to go early, before it got too hot.

But then Joe got called into work early and we decided to wait for him to get off work to go. Long story short, we picked them up at around 2:00 and headed into Laguna Beach. It was pretty hot, but there was a nice breeze blowing and we headed up to the Top of the World(that's the name of the street. Isn't that a cool name for a street?) and started on our way.

The trail started with mostly downhill slopes. I was a little worried about the trip back being too strenuous, but decided I could handle it and we continued. We hiked for about forty-five minutes before I started getting pretty winded and we decided to head back. At this point I had worked up a pretty good sweat and my heart rate was pretty high.

The way back was mostly uphill. I became winded very quickly. We kept having to stop so I could rest. Soon I started to feel sick. My stomach started cramping and I was starting to feel nauseous. We continued walking, stopping every few minutes so I could rest. At this rate it was going to take us all day to get back to our car!

Finally we made it to a trailhead, where there was some shade and a bench. It was at this point that I completely collapsed. My stomach cramps were so severe I couldn't stand upright. Our friends decided to leave Joe and me at the bench and walk the rest of the way and see if they could find a Ranger to give me a ride back. I began to vomit and the stomach cramps were becoming excruciating. Joe knew something was terribly wrong because I was overheated and yet not one drop of sweat was coming off of my body.

We waited for awhile at the bench but then I decided I could possibly try to walk back up to the car. Still no sign of a Ranger truck. We walked for about ten minutes when all of a sudden we see a Fire Truck coming down the trail! For me. Keep in mind this is a walking trail. Not a road. I didn't even know Fire Trucks could go off road!


Our friends couldn't get a hold of a Ranger so they called 911. I was mortified.
The fire truck stops and puts me on the back of the truck and they hook me up to some oxygen and take my vital signs. My heart rate is irregular and I am showing signs of heat stroke. So they tell me I can go in the ambulance to the hospital to be checked out or I can walk back up by myself! Those were my choices. Go to the hospital or walk. Joe made that decision for me. The ambulance it was.

I was so embarrassed by this time. Other hikers were stopping to gawk at me. Finally the ambulance came down the trail and they put me in it and started back up to the top. I must have hit the lottery today, because that ambulance was full of trainees. One in particular looked to be about 12. I'm not kidding. He was 13 at most. The other was a young girl who decided to practice putting an I.V. in for the first time ever(it seemed) on me and hit some kind of vein in my hand and blood started spurting all over. I have never seen blood spurt like that before(except in the movies). And it was coming from me! Of course she blew that vein so they had to start all over in my other hand.

So in addition to the one "real" paramedic, I had Doogie Howser and a "newbie" working on me. Great.

Finally we get to the hospital where they hook me up to an EKG, take a chest x-ray, and run every test imaginable. Oh, and also gave me two bags of I.V. fluids. They kept me for over two hours while my husband and friends waited for me in the waiting room. And I was starving but they wouldn't let me eat.

The diagnosis? A combination of heat stroke, overexertion, and severe dehydration. Nice.

This will make it my fourth visit to the E.R. in the last ten months. That's got to be some kind of record or something.

So that was my day. How was yours? :)

Now I am home, feeling pretty much back to normal and laying on the couch wondering if things like this happen to other people, or is it just me?




This is the second trip to the ER I have had to take due to "overexertion". Apparently because of my kidney disease, my body doesn't process electrolytes effectively and it is very easy for me to become dehydrated and overheated. I hate that my body doesn't work like it should. I hate that I can't do things that everybody else can do. Hate. It. It's something I'm going to have to learn to adjust to. I need to learn to listen to my body more and try not to over do it. I also need to listen to Joe more. He told me before we started the uphill trek back that he thought my breathing was irregular and that I should stop and rest. I didn't listen to him. I didn't want our friends to have to wait for me. I didn't want to hold them back. I didn't want to admit that maybe the hike was a little too strenuous for me. I guess it was Pride. Or stupidity. Whatever it was, this could have been avoided it I had just spoken up earlier about the stomach cramps and stopped to rest more frequently. Live and learn.

Did you all notice my cute new signature at the end of my blog posts? Well you can get one too! Diana over at Red Thread Creations and Custom Blog Designs can make one up especially for you, to your own tastes. Right now if your order one for $5.00, all proceeds will go towards the surgery of the baby I donated my children’s wall art for. Check out the Auction site for details. Thanks Diana! I love my new signature!

Thank you for the advice on the whole nightshift thing, although I was really hoping to get comments like "Absolutely he'll get used to it! Things will be back to normal soon!"

Oh well, I am grateful for your honesty.

Unfortunately he can't do the whole "stay awake when you get home and then sleep for eight hours before your shift starts" thing because right now he has to pick me up from work right in the middle of when he should be sleeping.

That is something that could be changing very soon. I don't want to spill the beans or show any kind of excitement yet because I'm afraid I will jinx it, but things are in the works so that I may possibly have my car working again soon. IhopeIhopeIhope.

Anyway, as I type this my husband is asleep on the couch. Heh. He just got back from working an overnight shift(10-5) and then a day shift(9-1) at his weekend part time job (they asked him to cover someone who was out sick). Yes, he has three jobs(Although the teaching job is done until summer school starts the last week in June).

No one can say that he isn't working his a** off to make up for the loss of his job in December.
Luckily he does not have to work tonight or tomorrow so hopefully he can get caught up on his sleep.

On a totally unrelated note, I owe people stuff in the mail(again). I'm so sorry. It's just that I have no car and the post office is closed when I get off of work.

I am going to get those things out this week. I promise(I'm sorry Laura. Your gift is ridiculously overdue. I included a little something for the girls to make up for it!) I also owe the winner of the children's wall art her piece. And a picture. My camera died. ARGH!! How am I going to go camping without a camera? (Sob)!

Adjustments

That's what life seems to be about. For me anyway.  A series of adjustments, or learning to adjust to something.  In the last year I have learned to adjust to a new job.  And a new apartment.  And life without chronic pain(yay for that adjustment). 

 In the last 6 months I have learned to adjust to a severe cut in our income, as well as the changes that came in my marriage as my husband and I went through a rough patch that we are only just coming out of.   

In the last six weeks I have had to learn  to adjust to life without a car, and the inconvenience of always having to depend on someone else to get me where I need to go.  Also in the last six weeks both my husband and I have had to adjust to my husband's new job. 

The new job came about as a necessity after the fact that my husband lost one of his teaching jobs in December.   He looked for a job for five months.  He couldn't get another teaching gig because the semester had started already and all the teachers were hired.  

That five months was an adjustment.  A difficult one.

Approximately five weeks ago my husband found a job.  Finally.  He would start working for a large retail corporation on the night shift.  

Some people call it the graveyard shift.  Ten p.m. to 5:30 a.m.    

We were so grateful that he found a job that we didn't care that the hours were unusual.  Or that the pay was crappy(five times less than he was making at the teaching job he lost.  Five times.)  At least it was a job.  And it paid something.

In fact, we thought the hours would suit him perfectly. My husband is somewhat of a night owl. He rarely came to bed before two or three a.m. anyway, and this job would enable him to finish the semester with the classes that he still had.

How could two people be so completely wrong?

The last five weeks have been one of the biggest adjustments to date.  For both of us.  Needless to say, the hours are rough(on him.  I am asleep.)  

It is not natural for your body to awake all night long.  Couple this with the fact that it is an extremely physical job(unloading trucks and stocking shelves), and that leaves my husband in an utterly exhausted state.  All.     The.    Time.

What does this mean? It means that every daytime(and into the night) hour that we are together, my husband is asleep.    

8:00 o'clock in the morning.  Twelve o'clock in the afternoon.  Seven o'clock in the evening.  

Asleep. 

On the couch.  In our bed. In the car(waiting to pick me up from work).

Except for the seven and a half hours that he is at work, and the time it takes for him to drop me off or pick me up from work, he is sleeping.

We haven't had a real conversation in six weeks.  We haven't slept in the same bed, at the same time in six weeks.  On his days off he can't get his internal clock to switch back to nighttime sleeping, so he is in the living room awake. While I sleep. During the day, when I am in the living room awake(on my days off) he is in our bedroom asleep.  It's like we're living separate lives.

Do  you see the problem here?  To top it off, I am accustomed to having his help with the household chores. Picking up the clutter, doing the dishes and the laundry, taking out the trash, making phone calls when needed and paying the bills. I am used to having help with these things.  And now I don't have any help at all.  

All of the above mentioned things are slowly driving me insane.  Add to that the fact that I can't go anywhere without him because I don't have a car and I can't get him to take me anywhere because he is asleep.  Insane, I tell you!

This will get better right?  He'll adjust to working these hours. Right?  There will come a time when he isn't exhausted and we will actually be awake at the same time, right?  Please tell me this is so. Lie if you have to.  I know I have a couple of readers whose husbands work the night shift(Stacey?).  Can  you help me out here?  This will get easier?  

It has to.  Because I miss my husband.  Even though he's right there in the room next to me.  

Sleeping like a baby.  

Sigh.

3 words

Thank you if you left an encouraging comment on that last post, but I had to I take it down.  Too depressing.  

I've been trying so hard to keep a positive attitude despite some of the cr@p we've been dealing with lately and I just kind of lost it when I found out about the car.

  I was so hoping and praying that it was something that was easily fixed.  I had a little bit of a meltdown when I found out that wasn't going to be the case.

I'm feeling slightly better now. We can share a car. For now. There are worse things in life than that.  

We will have to figure something out before Joe's classes begin in August, but for now it will be O.K.   Inconvenient, but O.K.  I'm gonna bite the bullet and learn how to drive his hunk of junk, ahem, I mean car, this weekend.

Joe has been working full time at the his new job for a month now, so his next check will be a full paycheck and then we can start getting back on our feet.  It has been hard for us since he lost his job in January.  Between me being out of work for four months last summer and him being out of work five months in the Winter/Spring, things have been, well, hard. 

But they'll start getting better.  I have to believe that. It's the only thing keeping me going right now.  Things will get better.  I'll just repeat that to myself over and over(and over) until it starts to come true.

P.S. Thanks for the compliments on the music. That John Mayer song is my absolute favorite song in the world right now. I play it over and over and over. It speaks to me.  The other songs are songs that I simply love, as well as the tune Kayce turned me on to a few weeks ago. Maybe it's time to move that one back up to the top of the list again for awhile :)

P.S.S.  Laura Dean-I can't find your e-mail address anywhere. E-mail me at scrappermg(at)cox(dot)net and I'll give you the info you asked for.

One More Day!

I can't wait to see this movie. It looks like it's going to be so funny and I love Jack Black(he plays the voice of the Panda).

It is strange that I am looking forward to an animated movie?

Oh well. I did work with five year olds for fourteen years!

Here's something that really bugs me

Since when is a size 10 considered "plus size"? Does this girl look plus sized to you?


Because I think she's beautiful. I would love to look like her. But Plus Size? I think not. And yet she's all over the news because she won the "Ame.rica's To.p Mo.del" competition and she's a size 10. Not a size 2 like the girls that usually win that competition. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad she won. Most of the other girls in that competition look starved and underweight. It's nice that they acknowledge the fact that a girl can have curves and still be beautiful. But why all the hype about her "size"? She looks normal. Healthy. Beautiful. Why does society have to label her as plus sized(which is really just another word for overweight)

How can we raise daughters to have a healthy body image when this is what we're telling them is plus sized? Why isn't she considered in the same class as the other size 2 models? She's not in the news because she won. She's in the news because of her size.

I am a plus size. I prefer not to tell you what size I wear, but it is quite a bit larger than a size 10. No, I am not happy with my weight. Yes, I have problems with body image. But I looked good as a size 10. I can see that when I look back at pictures. But you know what? I wasn't happy with my body, even then. Because society told me that in order to be beautiful, I had to be a size 2. And skin and bones. I haven't been that skinny since I was 17 years old. And I wasn't healthy then. I rarely ate and when I did, it was junk food. I'm not saying I'm at my healthiest weight now and I certainly need to lose some pounds but I want to raise a confident, healthy daughter who is health conscious but not weight obsessed.

And that's going to hard to do when all she sees when she turns on the t.v. or looks at a magazine is girls like the ones pictures above labeled as overweight. Sigh. I hate the media.

Wordless Wednesday

And also........

Today the Superintendent of Big Sur State Parks called me at work to let me know that we are cleared for our camping trip!  Yippeee! All of your good vibes worked! They won't have even started the construction then, so we won't have to worry about the noise and such that comes along with a big construction project.  That was our other main concern. Hello, we're driving six hours to go camping and commune with nature and a tractor plowing through our campsite is not what we had in mind when we made the reservations thankyouverymuch.  So I can cross that off of my worry list. :)  Now if I could only get some good news regarding my car, I'll be golden. They can't take my car until tomorrow though, so I won't find out anything until late tomorrow or early Thursday.  Keep the good vibes comin'!

I've thought about the situation this afternoon and I'm feeling better about it.  Like Lisa said, better to be safe than sorry.  It would have been different if I had been with my husband, or even a co-worker.  But I still can't get him out of my head. I feel so bad for him.  I have been there(sobbing in a public place) and it's no fun. Poor guy.  

P.S.  We got very lucky regarding the camping situation. The guy told me on the phone that a hundred or so families that have reservations to camp there in late July and August are not going to be so lucky. Their reservations are in jeopardy and he told me is NOT looking forward to making those phone calls.  I'll bet.  I'm not sure how an error like this was made, but it sure is going to disappoint a lot of people.  It's too bad.

What Would You Have Done?

Something happened on my lunch break and it has me feeling confused and guilty about the way I responded to the situation. I'll explain, and then you tell me-what would you have done?

I have been walking on my lunch break. I am way out of shape and I'm trying to build up a little bit of stamina for those hiking trails in Big Sur.

Anyway, I have been taking 30 minute walks around my workplace. Here is some basic info about where I walk:

I work in a very affluent neighborhood. You know that T.V. show? The Real Housewives of Orange County? Well that show is filmed about two blocks from where I work(in fact, one of the ladies from that show visited the business right next to us last week and parked right in front of our building-I know- big whoop). But that gives you an idea of the surrounding area where I take my walks.

Affluent. And pretty safe.

But I do walk alone.

There is this parklike area(no playground, but grass, and trees and park benches) that has a loop around it that I walk twice around.

Today as I am walking up the pathway I see a man sitting under a tree on one of the park benches. No biggie. I've seen men sitting on park benches before. :)

As I continue to come closer to him, I hear what I think is talking. I assume he is talking on a cell phone. I'm not close enough to tell for sure, but I definitely hear his voice as I am walking closer.

The closer I get, the louder his "voice" gets. I can see now that he is not talking on a cell phone. I think perhaps he is talking to himself? I continue to come closer.

As I approach the bench I see that he is crying. No. Crying is not the right word. Bawling. Sobbing. Wailing. Weeping. Those words better describe what he was doing.

As I approached him and walked past him, he buried his head in his hands and cried great, heaving sobs.

I was unsure of what to do. I looked directly at him to see if I could establish eye contact but he kept his head buried in his hands. I wanted to ask him if he was okay. Or if there was anything I could do for him.

Here's where I am ashamed. I didn't ask if he was O.K. I didn't ask if there was anything I could do. I didn't do any of those things. What did I do?

I walked right by him. Without saying a word.

And then on my way back around the loop I took the shortcut and didn't walk by him again.
Two opportunities I had to possibly help someone who was obviously in pain and I walked right by.

I feel so guilty. The entire way back to my workplace I kept asking myself why? What stopped me from the simple act of asking him if he was O.K?

Here's what I came up with. I was afraid. I am very leery of men I don't know. I watch way too many "true life" crime stories on T.V. I hear on the news every single day about women dissapearing only to be found years later floating in a river or lake or buried in some forest.
It is something I spend more time than one should spend thinking about such things. One time our neighbor was using a chain saw at ten o'clock at night and for a week I was convinced he was another Jeffrey Dahmer. Turns out he was building a bookcase for his 5 year old daughter. Oops. My bad.

My husband thinks my fascination with serial killers is funny. Or "quirky". We laugh about it all the time.

But am I letting this fear stop me from being a good person? I probably had nothing whatsoever to fear. The chances that this man was going to hurt me were slim to none.

So I think I'm just using that as an excuse. And if that's the case, what's the real reason I didn't stop?

Laziness? Because it would have put me outside my comfort zone? Neither of which are valid reasons in my book.

So, what would you have done?


P.S. I used to work at a Catholic School and we used the phrase WWJD(what would Jesus Do?) all. the. time. Perhaps I should start practicing what I preach. (Hangs head in shame).

Hey, thanks for all the nice comments about my hair. It has grown on me over the last few days and I have decided I like it.  It's easier to get ready in the morning, that's for sure!  Today was okay. For a Monday.  A friend lent me his car for the last two days and I got to drive myself to work today.  Oh, how I have missed having a car.  I miss being able to run errands on my lunch break.  I miss being able to leave work when it's time, and not have to wait for Joe to pick me up(he is very rarely on time).  I miss my independence.  Tomorrow we are having my car towed to the shop(finally) so we can see what exactly is wrong with it. I pray it is something fairly easy and inexpensive to fix. Oh, how I pray this is the case. I couldn't sleep last night worrying that it is something major that we won't have the money to fix.  I know it does no good to worry.  But I do. I'm a worrier.  I also received some not so great news regarding our upcoming camping trip that has me almost in a panic.  (Don't worry Kayce-it isn't affecting the second half of our trip-only the first four nights).  Long story short, there was a huge error made by both the campground(State Park) and the site that does the reservations and now it is not certain that they will have a campsite for us.  Nothing is for sure yet, but if this doesn't pan out I will be devastated.  I made these reservations seven months ago.  This is the only vacation we take.  All year.  I was able to speak with someone very high up in the Big Sur State Parks system(the ranger at the station totally gave me this guy's private number. He rocks).  This person assures me he is going to do everything he can to honor our reservations, but he won't know anything until next week.  Again, with the worrying.   I must learn not to worry so much.  So send good car-fixing and campsite vibes our  way, O.K?   We could really use them. Thanks.