Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Freak Out

Today I heard from our adoption agency. We are exactly two pieces of paper and one I171 away from our LID. Finally we are getting to the end of this paperchase that has been going on for close to seven months. They wanted to "discuss" with us the impact that my recent kidney disease diagnosis may have on the adoption. Basically they warned us that China could turn us down due to my disease. Now we already knew this was a possibility. This wasn't such a huge surprise. It was the seriousness with which they broached the subject that scared me. We asked them what they thought the likelihood of this happening was. They said they couldn't speculate. All she would say is that China is very particular about health issues, and mine definitely raises a red flag. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. This might not work out. We might not have a baby at the end of this. We might go through all of this hassle and heartache and spend thousands of dollars and still not have a child. And that's when I started totally freaking out. Like hyperventilating, crying kind of freaking out. Joe had to talk me down. I am starting to freak out a little just thinking about it. I know there are no guarantees in life. But the reason we chose to adopt and not go further with infertility treatments is because it was a "sure thing" that we would have a baby at the end. I don't think I can do this and wait up to two years and then be rejected at the end. I just don't think I can. Joe thinks we do not need to worry about this. He says the adoption agency is simply covering their ass in the unlikely situation that China did turn us down. He says this is something that we have no control over and therefore should not waste our time worrying about it. If it is meant to be, it will be. Isn't he just the voice of reason? Of course, I cannot do the things he suggests. I must. freak. out. I have no choice. It's what I do. And so I am asking you, internet buddies. Please leave me a comment and tell me about yourself, or a friend, or a friend of a friend of a friend who adopted from China despite having some terrible health affliction or disease. Please tell me that China is not going to turn us down simply because I have kidney disease. Heck, lie if you have to. Because right now, you're all I've got.


Joannah said...

I can totally understand your concern and fear. ((hugs))

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

I don't know any specifics hon, but I feel for you. This process is uncertain enough without having additional fears added on top. I'm so sorry!

Jenny said...

Oh Michelle I am so sorry about the added stress to you regarding this whole process. You know you just have to put your faith first and move forward. You will end up with a child, the perfect child for you, in God's timing. I know you would like to reach through the computer and CHOKE me to death for saying all that stuff but you must know that I do believe it. I will be praying for you to have peace and courage.
Jenny V

Kristin said...


I totally raised a red flag with China... having had heart surgery the year before our application. I did have to get a couple of extra medical letters (which my SW had said to plan for) to "certify" that I had a normal life expectancy and that this is no way impacted my ability to parent a child.

Good Luck. I don't know which agency you are using, but, I do know that mine, and I would suppose most others, will not send an application that they think is going to be denied. Their job is to get you a child, not take your money on a gamble. We tend to think of agencies as benevolent beings, but they are a business and they make a lot of money off the process and they need to be able to tell you what you can count on.

Some things, like time frames, are out of their control, however, they have no business sending over dossiers that are not acceptable in the eyes of the Chinese government.

I love(d) our agency, but I tell you, I was a very agressive with everything because, hello, they are working for me...not doing me a favor.

Email me if you want my phone number and we can chat.

Take Care,


kayce said...

Being a diabetic, I can completely understand!! Hang in there. Kristin is right, your agency wouldn''t lead you to China and not have you come homw with your Sophie.

Tracy said...

Have you asked them if they can have it precertified (so to say?). Supposedly they can do this now. We are waiting to find out the specifics of the new rules before we freak out too much, but I really think you should see what China says before you send in your dossier. There are other countries to adopt from (I know you don't want to hear that, but we are talking THOUSANDS of dollars here). In the end the important thing is you have a baby, not which country it comes from. Plus if you get it looked at before hand you won't have to spend the next 2 years hoping they don't see something in your medical that sets off that red flag. I hope, hope, hope all of this is for nothing, but again we are talking a lot of YOUR money here. The agency really has very little lose (although I do agree that they would lose face if they sent through a bunch of dossiers they didn't think would be accepted). I wrote you last week and my agency had just recieved 3 or 4 rejections from people they thought would be qualified. China is changing and I say look at all your options. At this point the only change is the 171H. If you wait 2 years not only will all your documents and 171H be expired, but you would have paid out all the fees to the agency to have your dossier sent to China. Good luck!


Shelley said...

Man, Michelle, I so feel for you. As prospective parents, we put so much on the line. I think I would be doing the same thing you're doing. Freaking out.

If this helps ...one guy in our travel group had heart problems that he reported in his medical papers. China required him to have additional exams and have his doctor write letters confirming he could be a healthy, viable father.

I am sending good thoughts your way.



fuzzandfuzzlet said...

I still think Adoption is a sure thing for you. Is your heart open to other countries? How adoption friendly is your state about domestic adoption? Keep your options open.

I always tell people I do not promise adoption will be easy or without major bumps, but I do promise it builds families.


Katie said...

Def, try and get the preapproval. That way you won't spend 2 years being nervous. China is changing their rules but according to a very good source everyone with a LID will be grandfathered in and new rules will only apply to those not logged in yet (or not DTC yet). I know some people with health problems have been denied, but these were pretty serious conditions. So I'd hurry along if at all possible and get the preapproval. If it helps at all we had a few medical hangups. I was very concerned. My agency was not, but I was a wreck until we got through review. If you want to email me I can fill you in a little more. katie@robinsonwarmann.com

Lane China Adoption said...

I will be thinking of you and hoping everything works out for you. Thanks for the comment on my blog. Sending you big hugs!!!!