Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Today I heard from our adoption agency. We are exactly two pieces of paper and one I171 away from our LID. Finally we are getting to the end of this paperchase that has been going on for close to seven months. They wanted to "discuss" with us the impact that my recent kidney disease diagnosis may have on the adoption. Basically they warned us that China could turn us down due to my disease. Now we already knew this was a possibility. This wasn't such a huge surprise. It was the seriousness with which they broached the subject that scared me. We asked them what they thought the likelihood of this happening was. They said they couldn't speculate. All she would say is that China is very particular about health issues, and mine definitely raises a red flag. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. This might not work out. We might not have a baby at the end of this. We might go through all of this hassle and heartache and spend thousands of dollars and still not have a child. And that's when I started totally freaking out. Like hyperventilating, crying kind of freaking out. Joe had to talk me down. I am starting to freak out a little just thinking about it. I know there are no guarantees in life. But the reason we chose to adopt and not go further with infertility treatments is because it was a "sure thing" that we would have a baby at the end. I don't think I can do this and wait up to two years and then be rejected at the end. I just don't think I can. Joe thinks we do not need to worry about this. He says the adoption agency is simply covering their ass in the unlikely situation that China did turn us down. He says this is something that we have no control over and therefore should not waste our time worrying about it. If it is meant to be, it will be. Isn't he just the voice of reason? Of course, I cannot do the things he suggests. I must. freak. out. I have no choice. It's what I do. And so I am asking you, internet buddies. Please leave me a comment and tell me about yourself, or a friend, or a friend of a friend of a friend who adopted from China despite having some terrible health affliction or disease. Please tell me that China is not going to turn us down simply because I have kidney disease. Heck, lie if you have to. Because right now, you're all I've got.