We're Off

That's right! Joe managed to get today off, and I was able to work only half day, so we decided to leave a day early and drive half way. We'll be stopping in San Luis Obispio to camp for the night, and then it's on to Big Sur in the morning. Yippee! Sorry, no pictures until I return. There's no computer access(or television, or phones). Just the Great Outdoors. So if you need me, I'll be here:
(No, they don't actually let you go down to that beach. Only look at it from above. Bummer huh?)

9 Months LID and 3 days until camping!

Today we have been logged in for nine months!(I don't care what the ticker says. Eight months and four weeks equals nine months). Nine months. Shouldn't I be due about now? Ha Ha. Like you've never heard that joke before! Only three more days until we go camping. It can not come fast enough for me. I can already smell the mountain air. Rest and relaxation. Three more days.

I am tired. How could I possibly be this tired on a Monday? I didn't sleep well last night. I'm tired of looking for a job. I have to find one soon, right? I'm tired of sending out resumes, tired of making phone calls, tired of waiting for people to call me back. Only three more days until we go camping. Woo Hoo! Five whole days off from looking for a job. I can hardly wait. Well, that was short and a little random. Oh well, it's all I've got on a Monday!

Four days until our Camping trip and Two year "Blogiversary"

Yup, we're going camping. Leaving on Friday. We agonized so much over this trip because we really can't afford it, but the first two nights are paid for with a non-refundable depsosit and I think we really need this right now. I really need it. So we're going. I can. not. wait. Also, I was looking at some of my archives(depressing stuff) and I realized it was two years ago in July that I started this blog. Two years! That's how long we have been waiting for Sophie already. Another two to go? I hope so much that it isn't longer than that. I can't believe I stuck with it this long. I never stick to anything. Now if only I could stay on a diet that long. I'd be skinny!

It's my lucky day

I got twenty dollars worth of free gas today! How, you might ask? Well, on the way home from my Dad's house this afternoon I stopped off to get some gas. When I pulled up to the pump, it said "Remove Nozzle. Pump Gas." Hmmmm..that's strange. Usually I have to put my debit card into the machine before it says that. I tried inserting my card. It says "Error". A couple of seconds later it says "Remove Nozzle. Pump Gas." again. I'm thinking at this point maybe you pump the gas before you pay? I know, makes no sense but I didn't know what else to think. SO I started pumping my gas. I had intended to fill the tank, but it stopped pumping at twenty dollars and said "Remove Nozzle." Hmmmmmmm...again. I removed the nozzle, place it back on the pump, and reinserted my debit card. This time it asked me for my zip code. That's what it usually does. So I type it in, remove the nozzle, and pump twenty-three more dollars into my tank. It is at this point that I realize the first time I pumped, something was not right. So I go inside and explain to the attendant that I just pumped twenty dollars worth of gas and I don't think I paid for it(this is the part where my husband is smacking his forehead and saying "You did what?". I can't help it. I am an honest person). The attendant says to me "You are pumping gas right now". "I know, but I just pumped twenty dollars worth and I don't think it charged my credit card." She becomes annoyed with me. Maam(sp?), you are pumping gas right now and when you are done I will be glad to give you a receipt for the amount." First of all, she is annoyed with me? For trying to alert her to a mistake on the gas station's part? Sheesh. Okay, whatever. I and went out to finish pumping my gas. I go back in there
and she gives me a receipt for the last amount. $23.13. I explain to her that I need a receipt for the first transaction, the one for twenty dollars. She looks at me like I have grown two heads and becomes exasperated, explaining once again that she just gave me a receipt for the gas I pumped. At this point I am getting exasperated myself, and there are people in line waiting so I just leave. When I get home I check my bank account and sure enough, they only charged me for the second charged amount. Idiot. But hey, I got free gas.

A New Day

I prayed a lot last night. I didn't just pray for us to have enough money to pay our bills or for me to find a job. No, I prayed for me to have a more positive outlook and not to worry so much. Worrying is not good for my stress level, which in turn is not good for my health, ie, the kindney disease. I can already feel a sore throat coming on because of the worrying I have been doing over the last couple of days. That's how it goes. Something stressful happens, and I come down sick. I know I have had a lot to stress over the last couple of months, but I have to change my reaction to it. Somehow. I prayed for that. I know this will not last forever. It is rough right now, but we will get through it. In October(the first to be exact), Joe will be back to getting his full pay. We will be getting a check from my retirement plan that we cashed in(please don't comment on what a bad idea this is. We have no choice). That will allow us to get caught up, and hopefully pay some of my family back. Although we will never be able to pay my Dad back for everything he has done for us. It goes far just beyond financial support. Anyway, I am going to try and have a more positive outlook about the entire situation. There are only ten weeks until October first. We can survive ten weeks. We can. And I will find a job. Soon. I will. (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.........)


P.S. Many people have commented or e-mailed me saying I should try a temp agency. The reason I have not tried that thus far is that I truly thought I would find a job on my own within a couple of weeks. Here it is, four weeks later, and Nada. Also, I was afraid to get a temp job that might have no opportunities for Health Insurance. If none of these interviews pan out, I will be headed directly to the nearest Temp agency. I am bringing in some money right now(as little as it is), watching my friend's daughter during the day. My next plan of action is going to Target and getting a part time job on the weekends and evenings. My only concern with that is I find it hard to stand for long periods of time(due to the kidney disease), and that job would require that. I'm not using my disease as an excuse. I'm just saying because of it I have certain physical limitations. I do appreciate all of the advice. Thank you. I can use all the help I can get!

I know I should post something here, but all I have is whining and complaining and depressing stuff, and nobody wants to hear that on a Friday. I had a rotten day. And it's Friday! And I got off early! How can that add up to a rotten day? It's the same story, different day. The first of the month is rolling around. All the bills are coming in. Bills that we can't pay. Sometimes I just get scared and freak out because we really can't pay most of these bills right now. Today is one of those days. We're living on practically nothing. I am beginning to think we might have to let my health insurance go. I know, I know, I have kidney disease and we need that insurance. But I can't pay it and I can't ask my family to keep helping us. I just can't. I honestly didn't think it would take me this long to find a job. I thought I would be a month into my ninety day trial period by now. I have applied for over forty jobs. I have only gone on three interviews. Out of forty jobs. One of them I didn't get and I'm still waiting to hear back from the other two. I apply for jobs every single day. I am frustrated and discouraged and scared. I got a ticket today because my car registration is overdue. And there is a crack in my window that needs to be fixed. I got fix it tickets for both. I have never in my life gotten a ticket. Ever. Well, I think I may have gotten a parking ticket once, but that 's it. I have never been pulled over before. It sucked. I cried. Nice. I have until September to pay the registration and get the window fixed. That's going to cost about $500 total. I can't even think about it right now. I think I'll stop now, before I bring all of you down with me. At least it's Friday. That doesn't suck.

Another Job interview

Today I had another job interview. Again, I think it went well. This job was so completely different from the job I interviewed for yesterday. But I think it could be something I could learn to like too. It is more practical. Insurance after 90 days, 401 K, paid vacation. I still really want the job I interviewed for yesterday. First I have to be offered one of the jobs, before I worry about which one to take. I had another call today from someone who wants an interview, so I'll call them back tomorrow and set one up. At least I am getting some response from all of the resumes I sent out. Hopefully one of these jobs will end up being the one.

Job Interview

The job interview went well. I think it is a job I would really love doing. You k now that saying "Do what you Love?" Well, what if doing what you love doesn't pay as well as doing what you don't love? Do you still do it? What if someone else in your household is already doing what they love and we're barely getting by? I am so torn right now. This position could grow into something I might really like. And it does have a health insurance stipend. And it is only fifteen minutes from my house. Hmmmmm.....I'm just not sure. And they haven't actually offered me the job yet anyway. I have another interview tomorrow, so I guess I'll just have wait and see.

Monday. Blah.

That's about all I have to say on that subject. I had big plans to get a bunch of stuff done after I got home from work today, but instead all I have done is sit here and visit you people. I have done not one productive thing today. Blah. Tomorrow I have a job interview. Fingers crossed! I am so thankful to have the opportunity, but the whole thing makes me kinda tired. Tomorrow I will get up at 5:45 a.m., make the thirty minute drive to "work" to watch Miss K. Spend the whole day with her, then do my hair and makeup and get dressed up and go right to the interview from there, which is about forty-five minutes from her house. The interview shouldn't take more than an hour, then I'll get home just in time to make dinner. I'm tired already. I am going to make a concerted effort to get to bed early tonight. I don't know why that is such a hard thing for me to do. It was close to eleven before I got to bed last night. I didn't sleep well either. Ugh. Too bad seven year olds don't nap! I did get a little rest while we watched "Aquamarine". Girls do love their mermaid movies. Tomorrow her friend is coming over to play, so that should give me a little time to myself too, although most of that time is spent looking for a job and sending out resumes. I hope to be done with that soon(after I find a job).

Randomness

Yeah, it's word. Can I first say that moving sucks? Well, it does. It is sucking the life out of me right now as I type this. I got up this morning and decided I was going to start packing some boxes for the move that is supposed to occur in 26 days. (26! days!). The first problem is that we have Too. Much. Stuff. Especially books. It is taking me a box and a half to empty one shelf of books. That means we are going to need about eleven thousand boxes. Give or take a few. I'm serious. We have that many books. Guess how many bookcase we have shoved into our tiny thousand square foot apartment? Go on, guess. Ten. Ten bookcases. In my opinion, that is about seven too many. My husband disagrees. I just did a rough estimate of how many books we have(I counted the books on one shelf and multiplied them by how many shelves were on each book case. Yes, as a matter of fact I do have too much time on my hands) We have at least a thousand books. One. Thousand. And that's just a rough estimate. It is probably a bit higher than that. And I have to put each and every one of those books into a box. I am so excited. In other, non-moving news, I have been having fun playing around with my new kitchen gadget. Yesterday at Cost Co my Dad bought me one of these. It is the coolest thing ever! And so easy to use. Now I can actually buy food at Cost Co and not have to throw half of it away because it goes bad before I can eat it. Yesterday I took all of the food we bought and put them into individual packages so when we want to eat them we just take them out of the fridge or freezer and we're good to go. And did you know you can use it for non-food items too? We're going camping in a couple of weeks and I am going to seal my clothes in them. Yes, my clothes! Last year we went camping and a huge jug of water spilled all over my duffle bag and got my clothes all wet. Not this year! It works kind of like those space saver bags, but better. Yes, I am quite excited about it, and No, it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. Well, I better get back to packing!

When I got up this morning I had calls from three different places asking me to come in for a job interview(My voicemail is doing this wierd thing where it doesn't tell me I have messages until like 24 hours later. Quite annoying). Anyway, apparently I am not completely unemployable. Yay me. Off to have lunch with my Dad.

Today I have been feeling much better. Is it a coincidence that it is also Friday? I think not. I sent out thirty two resumes this week. Thirty. Two. I have to hear something back from at least one of them. Please, God. I don't think my self esteem can take it if I don't hear anything at all. I am beginning to think I am unemployable to all but the childcare industry. I still miss Tessie. But it is getting a teeny bit easier. I cry a lot. A lot. In the shower. In the car. But mostly in public. This week alone I cried at Denny's, at the gas station, at the grocery store, and out in front of our apartment. Two of those times I was crying "the ugly cry". It wasn't pretty. I think I just need to get it out. And I have very little control about when it comes. I have mastered the art of hiding my tear stained face, eyes cast downward, hair falling in my face, wiping my nose on my shirt. Nice. On a happier note, on two different occasions a person saw me crying and asked if I was okay. Perfect strangers! One of them even asked if there was anything they could do! Most people just look away and pretend they didn't see me crying. But not these two. There are still kind people in the world. Who knew? Regardless of my two run ins with random acts of kindness lately, I still turned down the cute, clean cut guy at the parking structure who asked me if he could drive me to my car so he could have my spot(The lot was completely full and I was parked quite far from the entrance). Ummmmm........No thank you! Hello, serial killers are usually good looking, clean cut guys that no one would ever suspect. I hate that I thought that, but hey, the world isn't always kind.

A quick update

I am hanging on by a very thin thread here. This just has not been a good week(month?) I miss Tessie so, so much. I didn't expect it to hurt so much. I mean, I knew it would be hard. But not this hard. I haven't felt like this since my Mom died. No, I am not comparing my Mother's death to the death of my Dog. Or maybe I am. I guess what I'm trying to say is that grief is pretty much the same, whatever the loss. It takes every ounce of my being to drag myself out of bed every morning. I am so tired. So tired. I still can't find a job. It is frustrating and discouraging. I didn't think it would be this hard. I have an Associate's degree. I consider myself semi intelligent. I am pretty well spoken. I am dependable(I was at my last job for 14 years. Do people not see this as dependable?) What I lack is experience in the field I would like to work in. I may have no choice but to go back to teaching, or after school care. My heart just isn't in it. And that's hard too. From the sound of this post, everything is just hard right now. That about sums it up. Hard.

I just had to say thank you for all the kind comments. They truly do help. I just miss her so very much............I'll be back soon.

Tess 1993-2007

Goodbye sweet girl. We love you.

My Whole World is Falling Apart

It has not been an easy last couple of months around here. First major problems at my job, then the hysterectomy, followed by the aftermath of the problems at work, resulting in unemployment for the first time in my life, then my unemployment benefits being denied. My husband's pay has been cut drastically this summer and I can honestly say that without the help of my family(My Dad especially), we might be living on the street. I sat down to look at our budget last night and realized there can't be a budget, because there is simply no money there to budget. What is that saying? You can't squeeze blood from a turnip, or something like that. All of these things pale in comparison to the fact that today we lost our baby. Our sweet Tess. We have just returned from the Vet's office. They will be calling us later to tell us that it is done. Forgive me if there are typos in this. It is hard to see through the tears that will not stop falling. I know that "it was time". I realize we had her for fourteen good years, and that we were lucky. I know all of these things. It doesn't make it any easier. We have had her the entire time we have been married. She was four weeks old when we got her. I don't remember a time without her. The house seems so empty. I think I'm going to have to shut the blog down for awhile. I can't keep posting here, pretending everything is fine, when it is not. But I can't come here and just complain all of the time either. People don't want to hear that. This blog has strayed so far from the adoption blog it was supposed to be. My world is falling apart and I don't know what to do to stop it. I will probably be back. I don't know. Things seem so bleak right now. I am so very sad.

Second Job interview and TGIF

I had my second job interview yesterday. It went very well. They still have more people to interview, but if I had to guess, I think they might offer me the job. I don't mean to sound conceited, it is just a feeling I have from how well the interviews went. Unfortunately, I can't take the job. It doesn't offer health insurance, and they really don't know when(or if) they will. I am soooo bummed. Beside the fact that I haven't had any other offers so far, the hours were perfect. 6:45-2:30 or 3:00, whichever I preferred. Occasional Saturdays, on a rotating basis. I am feeling quite discouraged with the whole job hunting experience. I have so much more empathy for people who are unemployed. It is not easy to find a job, especially one with good benefits! I know I must persevere. I will find the right job. I just hope it is sooner than later. But hey, it's Friday. I can't be bummed out on a Friday! Why is it that even though we got a day off this week, it still seemed long? Maybe it is just me. I have been unusually tired the last couple of days because I haven't been getting to bed at a decent time. I get off a little early today, and am glad for that. Happy Friday!

Happy Fourth of July!

I hope you are all enjoying your Independence Day. I know not everybody has the day off. We do, and for that I am grateful, even if it is in the middle of the week. I like it better when the holiday falls on a Monday or a Thursday and you get to sneak in an extra day off. Oh well, next year. We have no big plans(shocking, I know). Later we'll step outside our front door and watch the fireworks. We happen to live within walking distance to a fireworks show that is rated in the top ten of Orange County's best fireworks shows. How lucky is that? We can literally stand outside on the sidewalk to see them. If we're feeling really motivated, we'll walk the two blocks to the park around the corner to get an even better view(without trees in the way). We usually play it by ear. Gotta go get the BBQ fired up for dinner. Shish-Ke-Bobs and corn tonight. Yum.

Job Interview

Joannah was right(comment on last post). Today I had a job interview. It went very well, I think. They want to see me back on Thursday, so that's a good sign. This job has almost all of the things that I had decided I wanted in an job. The pay I wanted, closer to home(fifteen minutes), the same hours(7-4). It seemed like the perfect job, but(C'mon, you knew there was a but) they don't offer health insurance. Yet. They are thinking about offering it and it could be soon, but as of right now they don't. So I'm not sure I can take it. The insurance is the number one priority on my list. I simply can't afford to pay for the COBRA benefits much longer. I'm hoping another job comes along, but I really like this one. It is a small office, and the people seemed nice. Oh, I forgot to tell you what the job is. I would be working the front office at a Vet's office. I think it will be fun. I would be answering phones, pulling charts, greeting patients, and ordering supplies. A big change from my old job. And that's a good thing. So I'll go back on Thursday and make my decision then. I don't want to think about it on my day off. But you know I will.

I just came from Kohl's. I had to buy a pair of "nice" pants for something I have to do tomorrow that I can't talk about because I don't want to get my hopes up prematurely or jinx anything. Anyway, I had to try on some pants. My favorite thing in the world to do. Not. I hate trying on clothes. I like shopping. I just hate trying on clothes. It's something about the dressing rooms, being in such an enclosed place and looking at myself in a mirror so close up. At home I stand a good six or seven feet away from the mirror. It makes things look less huge . That's my theory anyway. So I'm trying on pants and I have like seven pair in different sizes(because I hate to have to leave the dressing room once I go in there), and I find that I am between sizes right now. That means I am too fat for the smaller size, and not fat enough for the larger. So I have to either squeeze into pants that are a tad too small, or wear pants that swim on me. Neither scenario is pretty. It is hard enough for me to find pants in the first place because I have to shop off of the clearance rack, because, Hello, I am unemployed and shouldn't be buying pants anyway. But I had nothing nice to wear in my closet. I swear. Joe disagrees. But whatever, I found a pair of nice black pants on the clearance rack for twelve bucks. He can't complain about that. But man, I wish we weren't broke, because I found some shoes that I absolutely loved. Aren't they cute? They have Asian fabric on the sides. But they were fifty-five dollars, and I just don't spend fifty-five dollars on shoes. I liked these too. I love how the sides look like they are ribbons. Cheaper, but still beyond my budget right now. I buy my shoes at Payless,BOGO (buy one get one half off). I know they don't last, but that's where I buy them because they are cheap. I hope I don't find a job where I have to dress nice every day. I'll need a whole new wardrobe. Well, I better go because I'm starving and dinner doesn't just make itself! :)

Lazy Sunday

Today has been an incredibly lazy day for us around here. We rented a bunch of movies last night, and all we have been doing is laying around all day watching them(after sleeping until 11:00 a.m. Spoiled, I know!). First we watched Breach. It was pretty good. Then we watched DejaVu. I really liked this one. It was suspensful and kept my interest, which is saying a lot, as I have the attention span of a five year old. It was a tad on the long side though. Now I'm getting ready to fire up the BBQ so I can cook our dinner. BBQ chicken and vegetable skewers. Yum! I promised myself I wasn't going to worry this weekend, and I think I have done a pretty good job. Tomorrow it is back to the grind, and the job hunt. But hey, at least we get a day off this week. I gotta be happy about that!