Friday, July 13, 2007

Today I have been feeling much better. Is it a coincidence that it is also Friday? I think not. I sent out thirty two resumes this week. Thirty. Two. I have to hear something back from at least one of them. Please, God. I don't think my self esteem can take it if I don't hear anything at all. I am beginning to think I am unemployable to all but the childcare industry. I still miss Tessie. But it is getting a teeny bit easier. I cry a lot. A lot. In the shower. In the car. But mostly in public. This week alone I cried at Denny's, at the gas station, at the grocery store, and out in front of our apartment. Two of those times I was crying "the ugly cry". It wasn't pretty. I think I just need to get it out. And I have very little control about when it comes. I have mastered the art of hiding my tear stained face, eyes cast downward, hair falling in my face, wiping my nose on my shirt. Nice. On a happier note, on two different occasions a person saw me crying and asked if I was okay. Perfect strangers! One of them even asked if there was anything they could do! Most people just look away and pretend they didn't see me crying. But not these two. There are still kind people in the world. Who knew? Regardless of my two run ins with random acts of kindness lately, I still turned down the cute, clean cut guy at the parking structure who asked me if he could drive me to my car so he could have my spot(The lot was completely full and I was parked quite far from the entrance). Ummmmm........No thank you! Hello, serial killers are usually good looking, clean cut guys that no one would ever suspect. I hate that I thought that, but hey, the world isn't always kind.


redmaryjanes said...

Keep your chin up! You are planting a lot of seeds with those resumes. Something great is growing to come of it. And, there is nothing wrong with a good cleansing cry.

Alyson & Ford said...

It will take time to heal; remember fondly all the wonderful years you had with Tess. A good cry (many good cries) is just the thing to do. Your grief is so touching.
Thanks for visiting our blog.

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fuzzandfuzzlet said...

Ever since I read the part about the guy offering you a ride I had visions of Ted Bundy..... please tell me the guy was not driving a VW.

I think the unexpected tears are normal. It does get easier, but you will miss her every day.