Sunday, August 19, 2012

All You Need is Love

 That's not true.  Sometimes you need a lot more than love to sustain a relationship.

I feel like I may have given the wrong impression in my last post about our situation, for lack of a better word.

I have asked for a separation.  I am the one leaving, but Joe and I are not divorcing.

It's just a separation.  A trial separation, as they call it.  I think they call it that. I'm not actually sure because I have never been in this position before.  I never thought I would be in this position.

So we are separating.  Temporarily.  We are both moving to different places, alone.

I don't want this but I feel like I don't have a choice.  Isn't it Dr. Phil who always asks "How's that working for you?".

It isn't working.  Not at all.  And so I have two choices:  Don't change anything and be terribly unhappy, or change something and hope that it helps me not to be so unhappy.

Joe is not the villain  here.  He is a wonderful man and has never treated me badly.  He loves me very much.

We love each other very much.

But what we are doing isn't working.

My only hope is that we are able to each grow a little bit and find our way back to each other and that through this separation we grow together and not further apart.

We have started couple's counseling again(I had stopped going months ago because I didn't think it was helping).  I want to keep the lines of communication open in the hopes that we don't grow further apart.

You know that saying "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it it's yours; if it doesn't it was never meant to be"?

That is the lamest saying ever.  Don't ever say that to someone going through a rough time in their relationship.  Seriously.  It's lame.

I just thought I would make it a littler clearer what we are going through.  I have not one bad word to say about my husband, and I would appreciate it if you didn't either.

Found this on Pinterest and it made me laugh out loud:

True that.

I have some people that are pretty critical of me putting this very personal stuff out in the internet on my blog.  I totally get that, but you are not me.  This blog has always been a sounding board for me, a way to get through some difficult times in my life.  Without this blog I wouldn't have so many wonderful people that I have met, both online and in person.  I wouldn't have the huge network of support that I have now.  I'm not the kind of person who can be fake.  I can't just post pictures of the fun places we visit or the awesome vacations I have had the opportunity to go on. I can't post the good stuff without also posting the bad or very difficult stuff too. I'm just not wired that way.  It's pretty much what you see is what you get with me and I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve. A little too much sometimes.

 I understand it you don't get it, or you think I should act differently and that's o.k.  Let's just agree to disagree, o.k.?

Or here's a thought too.  If you don't like or agree with how I am dealing with this, just don't come here and read it!  Problem solved.       :)


Welshie said...

Well said Michelle, and I totally back you.

Jenna said...

I have said before and I will keep saying it. I am praying for reconciliation for you guys. I have not even had one bad thought of Joe. I know how much you guys love each other. I have been praying that both of you will be able to make it through this trial separation and that it will bring you guys together stronger. I know that this is killing you and I am very sure this is the hardest thing Joe has even been through. I pray so hard for him... I hate that both of you guys are in such terrible pain.
Please let him know that he is in my thoughts and prayers too. I also hope that he has a great support system.

dawn said...

Your blog, your words, your feelings. Opinions are never right or wrong as they are feelings and how can feelings be wrong?

I don't know either of you personally but feel that I know you. I wish both of you peace and the wisdom to know what is right for both of you. If only it were that easy.

Judging is for flowers and pumpkins not peoples lives. Nobody truly has the right to judge another unless they have walked in their shoes and I am willing to bet my bottom dollar that these people haven't walked in your shoes.
Sheesh, I think I got on a rant.

Journeywoman said...

I am in your corner whether it is yours and Joe's or whether it is yours alone.

Take care of the both of you.