Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I thought I wanted to do this blogging-every-day thing because I kept coming here and having stuff to say but then when I came here today I realized I really don't have anything to say.

And yet here I am.

I'm so tired. Yes, I know I said that yesterday.  But today I am TIRED.

Like stupid tired.

I'm so tired that I kept forgetting what I was saying, in the middle of my sentences.  That makes for interesting conversations with your co-workers.

Me:  "so yesterday I was packing up my room and ...........".

My co-worker:  "And what?"

Me:  "I don't know.  I forgot what I was going to say.  What was I talking about?"

Thankfully the phone usually rings about then and we all forget that I was talking in the first place.  At least I hope so, otherwise I'm pretty sure my co-workers think I am losing it.

Actually they may be right.  I think I may be totally losing it.

I keep counting things off in my head, like:

Four more days until I move.

I only get to take a shower in this shower(*my* shower) for four more days.

As I pull into the parking lot of our apartment complex:  I will only be coming home to this place (my HOME) for four more days.

As I went into our local grocery store this morning to get cat food:  I will only be coming to this grocery store, where I know all of the check out people, for four more days.

I will only be living with my husband for four more days.

This last one is always accompanied by tears and serious thoughts of "WHAT AM I DOING?"

I like to yell at myself in my head sometimes, especially if I am having self doubts.

I want someone to hold me and tell me it's going to be o.k, but I don't have anyone to do that for me because that's usually my husband's job and I'm LEAVING him so he isn't in the mood to do that for me right now.

I don't blame him.

Please think good sleepy thoughts for me tonight because I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

4 more days.

(I guess I did have something to say after all).


Jenna said...

4 more days. This is a sucky countdown. I hope you are able to sleep tonight. Do you have anything to help?

Laura said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. This decision is obviously the last resort. Maybe if you stop yelling at yourself, you'll be able to sleep. (I am really hard on myself too, and it took a lot of work to be albe to recognize it and stop). I hope you're able to rest.

Briana's Mom said...

I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Just know I think about you a lot. Stay strong.

Rhonda said...

Sending lots of love your way. *hugs*