Four

I thought I wanted to do this blogging-every-day thing because I kept coming here and having stuff to say but then when I came here today I realized I really don't have anything to say.

And yet here I am.

I'm so tired. Yes, I know I said that yesterday.  But today I am TIRED.

Like stupid tired.

I'm so tired that I kept forgetting what I was saying, in the middle of my sentences.  That makes for interesting conversations with your co-workers.

Me:  "so yesterday I was packing up my room and ...........".

My co-worker:  "And what?"

Me:  "I don't know.  I forgot what I was going to say.  What was I talking about?"

Thankfully the phone usually rings about then and we all forget that I was talking in the first place.  At least I hope so, otherwise I'm pretty sure my co-workers think I am losing it.

Actually they may be right.  I think I may be totally losing it.

I keep counting things off in my head, like:

Four more days until I move.

I only get to take a shower in this shower(*my* shower) for four more days.

As I pull into the parking lot of our apartment complex:  I will only be coming home to this place (my HOME) for four more days.

As I went into our local grocery store this morning to get cat food:  I will only be coming to this grocery store, where I know all of the check out people, for four more days.

I will only be living with my husband for four more days.

This last one is always accompanied by tears and serious thoughts of "WHAT AM I DOING?"

I like to yell at myself in my head sometimes, especially if I am having self doubts.

I want someone to hold me and tell me it's going to be o.k, but I don't have anyone to do that for me because that's usually my husband's job and I'm LEAVING him so he isn't in the mood to do that for me right now.

I don't blame him.

Please think good sleepy thoughts for me tonight because I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

4 more days.

(I guess I did have something to say after all).