Wednesday, August 10, 2005

And so it begins......

The 14 or 15 days out of the month when I begin to feel horrible. It's the time for warm baths, more OTC painkillers then any one individual should be taking, and heating pads on my stomach when I go to bed. The 2 weeks when I feel semi-normal go by so quickly, while these last 2 weeks just drag by. To make it even worse, I got a call from the doctor's office today telling me that I cannot have my surgery on September 7th unless we pay off the remainder of the money we owe from our last infertility treatments. We are severely delinquent with the payments, but we have been doing the best that we can do right now. Joe hasn't had a full paycheck in 2 months, and won't be getting one until October first. It just seems wrong that they can do this to me. If I got into a car accident and didn't have insurance would they let me die in the emergency room because I couldn't pay? I don't think so! When I told the person who called how wrong I thought it was, she told me that this was an "optional" surgery and not medically necessary, therefore they had the right to cancel it until they receive the full amount of the past due payment. "OPTIONAL"? In my eyes this surgery is NOT optional. Something has to be done to help me with this pain I live with every single month and have been living with for the last 15 years. This surgery is my last and only hope. I have tried every other treatment known to man, none of which have worked. This is it. My last chance. I don't know how they can say it is optional! Joe is going to call and talk to them tomorrow, so I'll know more then as to wether I'll be having the surgery or not.
This is so depressing. Sometimes it feels like everything is against us. We can't get pregnant on our own, we can't afford to do infertility treaments or adoption. It seems like we are destined to be childless. At every turn we encounter road blocks. I don't know how much more I can take. To top it all off it appears as if I am also destined to be in terrible pain for the rest of my life.
I have been to 7 doctors now, none of which have been able to help me. I just don't have the energy to go to another doctor. I am at the end of my rope. I'm praying for a miracle now.

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