Friday, August 19, 2005

I know I have been neglecting this for the last week but I've been on vacation. I didn't even check my e-mail while I was gone. I had a great time in S.F. with Lisa and the kids. Cameron had an awesome pirate party. I'll feel a little bad if we don't make it up there again in a month for Gracie's birthday. Doesn't she deserve a big bash like her brother has had for all four of his birthdays? It must be the second child syndrome I guess. I will have to worry more about this later when she actually understands what is going on. I can just hear her asking me why Aunt Michelle and Uncle Joe come to Cameron's birthday parties and not hers! I wish her birthday wasn't so close to his. It would make it easier. Oh well. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I had a very realaxing day off, despite this being my "bad" time of month. I only had about 5 episodes all week, so it wasn't that bad. I still need to decide what I am going to do about my cancelled surgery. We can't pay them right now, probably won't be able to until October or November. That puts my surgery at around Christmas or right after. I hope I can wait that long. I guess I don't have much of a choice. We aren't sure if we are going to do another insemination. We would like to just get going on the adoption and forget about getting pregnant at all(At least I would, I don't know if Joe is so sure yet about giving up hope for a biological child). I wish this wasn't such a difficult choice to make. It's not the adoption-we're both 100 percent sure that we want to do that. It's giving up being pregnant and having a child that is bilogically a part of both of us. I just wonder if I will always feel a bit wistful when I see a pregnant woman or the maternity section at the store. Or maybe that just goes away when you have a child, regardless of how you came about it. I guess all of this remains to be seen. The waiting is one of the hardest things.

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